Return Policies

"Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit

And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes,

I will be brief." - Polonious,

I know in context that line is totally hypocritical, since it took murder to shut Polonius up.

Even so, I am acknowledging that my tendency to lose myself to ranting has made keeping this blog up to date a bit of an issue for me.

Since I already have issues with deadlines and getting work done, I have decided to lighten the load, so to speak.

I will attempt to make my posts short, sweet, and to the point from now on, doing my best to limit the in-depth essay-lengthed posts to major developments.

As far as subject matter goes, nothing has changed. I will still be venting my emotions in regards to worldly events. And I will continue nerdgasming over the various movies, books, and TV shows I obsess over endlessly.

Also, I will attempt to up the ante in regards to chronicling my personal and professional opinions as I draw more experience into each as my life goes on.

I have also set up a tumblr, so any other posts of these kinds will also probably be showing up there. Don't hold me to that, though.

Noble tyrants, bad guys, and the true leader

"I believe in benevolent dictatorship, provided I am the dictator." - Richard Branson

My opinion on politics is probably the sketchiest thing about me. If anything, I'd say my values and principles are mostly fair and moral. I'm quite positive if I ever in some world gone wrong became the leader of everyone, I would almost certainly have to be what I will call a noble tyrant. Good things can be achieved and justice served, but sometimes there is no clean way to do it.

All U.S. Presidents have to be a noble tyrant to some extent. I know the media and even the politicians would have you believe that you want the commander and chief to be a person you can relate to and admire and respect. The kind of person you could get along with for, let's say, four to eight years. Maybe someone kind of like you. That wouldn't be so bad, right?

This is sort of how I thought when Obama was elected back in 2008. It was a victory for me. I, not a religious man by any means, walked in front of a church and prayed for Obama to win. My heart soared when he did. That was a great night for me. In my mind, the good guys won and the bad guys got set back. Of course, I knew the change Obama spouted would not be an over night thing. I didn't think of him as mister fix-it, instant clean or any of that shit. The problems that have arisen over the last decade may take decades to completely make right. I was still happy, though.
Obama really did seem like "one of us." He was born into a lower class family, became a lawyer, became a genius practically, he even had a steady political career mostly marked by diplomacy and tact, and that's what he displayed during his election campaign. A man of the people who happens to be an eloquent political player. Obama was the black jesus of my world in those few months. Half black.

Four years later: do I still feel the same way? Hell no. You have to understand, I had endured eight years of madness and stupidity with my very honest and outspoken parents, during which they educated me on the wonderful world of politics, and how it was being fucked up by the ever memorable Bush-Cheney administration. Fun times, as I'm sure most of you remember. Well, the way I looked at it then was that Obama was the end of that type. He was gonna be the one at the beginning of a new era of progress, social change, peace, yes-we-can, and all of those things that just exist as a group of letters to a lot of Americans. He also beat out the absolutely crazy side which the conservative right has unfortunately devolved into. It made sense to me, they chose a mannaquin-like senior citizen ("Bomb-bomb-bomb-bomb iran!") and a soccer mom from Alaska ("How's that hopey-changey thing workin' out for ya"). And sorry, if you thought those two were good ideas back then compared to Barack Obama and Joe Biden you're retarded, and probably racist, or you eat up everything your parents told you about politics like its truth serum that can't be disputed. In a way, that's how I was about Obama, accept he and I and most everybody on the left side that year made sense. There's no easy way to say it, but republicans just don't make much sense anymore and that's saying something when you've already seen how screwed up democrats are. It's the age old story times eleven: the left is progressive but meek and the right is conservative but extreme. Though Obama was the face of progressive change in America (or even the world) for a time, he no longer holds that title.

Barack Obama gave in to whatever corrupt system has come to define the American government once he was in office. He has achieved little, and done things I would never expect any leader to do to a free people. He has also done good and the changes he has succeeded in making have been widely applauded at home and abroad. Does passing the healthcare reform wash away the national defense authorization act? No. Does legal weed and gay marriage in two states erase all those drone strikes that kill many for a few in an instant? No. Does the fact that he is a charming and amiable fellow make up for the fact that he has done things and let things happen that he promised he would never do and would never let happen back in '08? No. He has dawned the crown of a noble tyrant, and those vary from president to president. Luckily he's not as bad as some have been.

He's not a good, admirable, or even totally efficient leader. But, to our everlasting discontent, he is among the best being thrown around these days. And, if my suspicions are correct, the next four years will not be a good old fashioned picnic. Obama will still do things I don't like, and the whole world will hate him for it because he's the one in charge and, good or bad or between, the one in charge takes the blame first. It's a rule. He will do these bad things, likely, planning for them to lead to better things that will make everyone happy. His problem, and every American leader's problem, is that he doesn't just outright admit his form of tyranny.

My version of the noble tyrant is one of total transparency and vigilant duty. The U.S. version? Not so much. It's part of our obsession with celebrity that our politicians have to be attractive and likable above all else. At best, these qualities should be icing on the cake that is the politicians' policies and principles they will be battering the citizens over the head with day after day for years. It's a low key thing they are doing, focusing on our vanity more than our morals. If I were in charge, I would up the ante on both ends, nobility and tyranny equal and extreme. Essentially, this means the president would do anything to protect the American people from corruption and division. ANYTHING. If not done with extreme caution and resolve, this would no doubt result in a quick assassination, political or otherwise. The perpetrators would be a combination of the crooked politicians, the aristocracy, the corporations, and, of course, the most powerful group, the American people. It all sounds harsh, I know, but the bad seems to run so deep in the government that some real Machiavellian tactics would have to be implemented to weed it all out.
I'm rambling, moving on...

I know that the noble tyrant is basically the only form of leader we will accept, even if they won't admit what they are. The question I'm always left with, which I'm sure a lot of people wonder about, is why can't we have a president who is the ideal person and not just someone who tries to act ideal for TV and crowds. Why can't we have a man of the utmost moral character and superb social and political expertise? But now I'm starting to see that the real answer does not come in the form of a single man, nor should it ever come down to just one person who emerges at the top of the hill set on solving all the world's ills.

No, once you realize that noble tyrants don't work, the bad guys are bad for everyone, and the super hero we have all been waiting for is only real in our hearts and our wildest dreams, you have to go back to what you know about yourself as an American. Go back to what America was supposed to be about. A nation of the people, by the people, and for the people; a great multi-international tribe that is allowed to choose not who will lead them or dictate them but who will represent them. The people of the U.S., as a collective, rule this country. The people in power, from the president to the local town councilman, are there because the people put them there together. No one person can be blamed for all the problems that fall in our way. Our degradation is a group effort.

The problem is that most people don't want to be the ones who abandon their personal interests for the good of all. They want one or a couple of guys who act charismatic, competent, and wise. The strength is in the people. And the government and the media love to sow division amongst the people. That's why we obsess over which states are red and which are blue, who is democrat and who is republican like it was a football game. It's all used as an illusion to water the people down, make them dumb, inactive, and impressionable to whoever feeds their selfish desires. It is to the point that merely complaining endlessly to one another has replaced the act of banding together to kindle the fires of change. The American way our forefathers established way back when doesn't mean shit if we don't back it up.

Seriously, why even keep calling it the United States? We're not united by any means. You could call us The States Who Are Stuck Together in a Relationship They Want Out of Bad. As previously stated, the animosity between the left wing and the right wing has never been as heated or absurd. A civil war in the modern age looks more and more likely. No one trusts anyone. No one even really like anyone. No one likes the government. What are we?

Is it sad that I grew up to discover the American Dream boils down to winging it, the thing I've basically been doing all my life? Yeah, it's pretty fucking tragic.

Yet change is still in the cards, thankfully. We are in an age of revolutionary technology, world wide connections. Diversity, like the honey badger, is clawing ferociously to get out from beneath the regressive atmosphere looming over this country. In a time when so much looks bad, it is still quite baffling how good we look in comparison to some other places. This does not make everything all right, but it at least shows us that we are not entirely hopeless and that, unless the world somehow does end this year, there is still a future for America. Maybe it will even be one that makes the American Dream a definite possibility.

I can still hope and trust in my ideals, even when armored in cynicism.

The Dark Knight Rises

"Peace has cost you your strength. Victory has defeated you!" - Bane

RISE! RISE! RISE! RISE! RISE! RISE! RISE! RISE! RISE!

After an adrenaline fueled, intense sudden cliffhanger The Dark Knight left us on four years back, director Christopher Nolan and his wonderful toys are back in the saddle again with The Dark Knight... RISES! Sorry. Anyway, I should have anticipated how deeply it would polarize amongst audiences. I've been pretty much convinced of Nolan's genius since I first watched Memento, and his Batman movies, The Prestige, and Inception did nothing but strengthen that belief. But, like we've seen happen to many a great series, movie or television or book: you start out with so promising and you are very taken with it, then it just keeps building and evolving and you keep loving it more and more, then it either tries too hard and fails to live up to your expectations or something happens that completely throws you for a loop in a way that makes perfect sense to some and seem like straight bullshit to others. Wow, that was a long sentence. Anyway, it shames me to say this, but an ending somewhat like this has befallen this entire movie. But before I get into that a bit of the plot.

Eight years have passed since The Joker nearly burnt Gotham to the ground and Batman went on run after taking the fall for Harvey Dent/Two Face's tragic crimes. Batman has apparently been in exile in all of this time and, to my surprise, Gotham has never experienced a more peaceful era. This is due to the charitable nature of a reclusive and partially crippled Bruce Wayne. When a terrorist group enters the picture led by the physically powerful and viciously intimidating criminal mastermind Bane, Bruce starts to realize that Commissioner Gordon and the police won't be able to hold the line alone, so he dawns the role of Batman once again. At the same time, there are people close to him who try to persuade him to makes choices in life that are either more pragmatic or infinitely more healthy than fighting trained killers to make a point. This includes Alfred, who sees Master Bruce is going over the edge and wants him to save himself; Lucius Fox, who still seems nobly adamant about helping Bruce be the best Batman he can be; Miranda Tate, a Wayne Enterprises exec who seems to want to help Bruce gain some stability not only in his business affairs but his personal ones too; and Selina Kyle, a cunning thief and femme fatale who supplies him with some much needed realism about Gotham's impending situation. Facing immovable enemies and ghosts from the past all sides, Bruce has to find the strength not only of the body, but of the heart and mind, to be Batman one last time, save the people he swore to protect, and fulfill the legacy he has been building all along. Also there are lots of explosions.

I will get through my thoughts on the actors and the people behind the movie. Christian Bale, of course, always does a good job. These Batman films, however, are not the place to go for a great Bale performance, though. I mean throughout all of them, he's mostly just somber and regretful; not bad, because Batman is a very somber and regretful character. He still manages to supply plenty of classic Batman moments. I mean, I thought he was great in all three of his roles: as sad true Bruce Wayne, reckless playboy Bruce Wayne, and as the symbol of justice Batman. I'm pretty sure he's Batman throughout Rises, even though he is often not in the suit; there might be one genuine scene where he's Bruce Wayne. Even so, that means there is a lot of the quiet gloom that, while fitting, can get tiresome.
Gary Oldman again plays Commissioner Gordon, and he's still a perfect Gordon. He's also left tragically gloomy in the film's dour atmosphere. But it's Oldman, and it's Commissioner Gordon. It's still good that he takes an active role in the movies, as opposed to the Burton/Schumacher films where his role was basically just to look up dramatically at whatever Batman is doing.
And adding another notch to their awesome villain's stick, Nolan and his brother and co-writer Jonathan do not disappoint in making a villain who is just as memorable and menacing as their previous Joker. Musclebound Tom Hardy as Bane is, of course, one of the delights to watching this movie. While the comic counterpart was usually a super steroid-pumping genius Spanish mercenary, Hardy's Bane is more of an astute and freakishly relaxed fellow. This is especially unnerving considering all that he does in the film, up to and including breaking The Bat and cratering a football field, and all while collected and eloquent. He's pretty bad ass.
Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle (better known as Catwoman but not in this world). I thought Hathaway would be a good choice for this character, and I wasn't wrong. While not nearly as dark and edgy as Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman (yeah, that shit was crazy), Hathaway does make it seem like how you would imagine a character like Catwoman might actually be. Devious, dangerous, and damn fine. She doesn't have as many scenes or as big a role as she might appear, but I still thought she was one of my favorite parts of the movie. So good job, Princess Diaries.
Marion Cotillard as Miranda Tate is convincingly altruistic and sympathetic to her mysterious business partner's emotional plight, but it's hard not to forget her appearing out of a crowd and gutting Ellen Page in that other Nolan flick. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy. She is pretty and she has a sweet voice. Who am I to question that?
Last but certainly not least is Joseph Gordon Levitt as a new character John Blake, a Gotham police officer who finds himself as the man of action in regards to battling the terrorists and protecting the city. Levitt is probably one of my favorite modern actors. He does a solid job of being the guy who was inspired by Batman, perhaps more than anybody else ever was. You can tell early on, Blake is some kind of singular version of the last movie's three heroes: Batman, Commissioner Gordon, and Harvey Dent. His role is pretty prominent in the movie and I was kind of anxious to see how his story would turn out and it didn't disappoint.
There is another list of cool supporting cast members that are sprinkled throughout the movie. A lot of familiar faces, and I mean aside from the regular supporting cast members. Of course there is Michael Caine as our beloved Alfred Pennyworth, and by god this is probably his best acting in this role; Caine's always been terrific as Alfred. As short as Alfred's role is, it still manages to tug at your heartstrings. Then Morgan Freeman returns as the badass Wayne Enterprises figurehead and inventor of all things badass and Bat. I need not explain more, Freeman sells it and has always just seemed to fit right into these Batman movies. Cillian Murphy returns as Scarecrow. Matthew Modine plays one of Jim Gordon's detective buddies (so we got at least one Joker in there). A thing that strikes me is how Nolan must love American TV shows, because this movie is just full of TV actors I've seen here and there. At some point I was just making a mental checklist of all the shows I've seen every time some new small character was introduced.

Nolan's filmmaking skills are extraordinary. This is a very well made movie and a good looking one. He and his brother always manage to put together some pretty astonishing labyrinthine plots, fascinating (even endearing characters), and strong, smart dialogue. The world he has created is very unique and something totally different while still staying true to the Batman universe. Wally Pfister's cinematography is sharp and gorgeous. While the pace and editing don't allow much time to enjoy scenery, when I was able to, everything looked great. And of course, Hanz Zimmer's score is once again epic and alive within the film. We all love it. I think Nolan might love his music just a little bit more, though, since its practically a character of its own in the film. That is while you are trying to hear what the characters are saying (often in low voices), you are more likely to find a studio full of singers chanting and the horns roaring over the majority of the dialogue. This is a problem Nolan has with many of his movies: thanks to whispery lines and the highly audible score YOU CAN BARELY UNDERSTAND ANYTHING, EVEN WHEN THE CAST IS SHOUTING. It's a minor complaint but still.

Okay, this is one of the film franchises that will always draw crowds. Batman is an iconic character, maybe one of the most iconic characters of contemporary fiction. For your toddler grandpa in the 1940s he was that Shadow knock off who dressed up as a bat, jumping from rooftops, and shooting people (yeah, originally, Batman used a gun). For your parents in the '60s and '70s, he had a live-action comedy show with Adam West and many other hokey, fun loving characters. For people like me, there were two exciting WB animated series' that I tuned into as a kid, and I watched the Burton and Schumacher movies just as much.
When I found out they were making an origin story for Batman, I was hyped as hell, and this was before I knew who Christopher Nolan was. His Batman Begins really clicked with me; it seemed exactly like a beginning for Batman should be, from the moment he fell into the cave full of bats to the moment he defeated his first nemesis in the black suit. And come on, that Batmobile, The fuckin' Tumbler, yeah I'll have one in black too. That left us on a fun note, hinting at The Joker, which peaked my interest naturally.
When The Dark Knight rolled around, changing the way I looked at super hero movies and blowing away all the off feelings I had about Heath Ledger playing The Joker. Many, many people fell head over heels for The Dark Knight and, strangely enough, The Joker. The Dark Knight so well because it is so well realized and layered and well acted and directed, and most importantly because it still felt true to Batman. Plenty of perfect moments between Batman and The Joker, Batman and Harvey Dent, Batman and Gordon, Gordon and Dent, Dent and Joker, even the minor characters like the other cops, Lucius Fox, and Alfred remain relevant. It all worked for me.
Heath Ledger's sudden accidental death shocked a lot of us before the film was even released. It made his spectacular method acting all the more memorable. Hell, it won him a posthumous Oscar and most everyone was on board with that. His passing was felt even more strongly because of all the praise he received and many who just remembered him as the guy from Patriot and A Knight's Tale finally recognized him as a promising young actor. The death of Ledger also convinced me of something that proved to be very, very false. And that is that after watching The Dark Knight, I thought, if anything would be wrong with the sequel it would be that Heath Ledger would not be around to reprise his role as The Joker. Because that is the least of my concerns.

(A FEW MINOR SPOILERS)

There was a lot I liked. I thought Bane was very entertaining. I loved every scene with Batman and Selina Kyle. I liked the early plot basically centered around Batman's deterioration and Bane's invasion of Gotham. I liked all of the corporate espionage and nods to the modern class warfare in America. I freaking loved all of Lucius Fox's Wayne Tech, especially the latest addition, The Bat. There are a few set pieces and scenes that will be hard to forget. I can think of the opening with a unique plane sequence, the football stadium collapse, the bridge explosions, and many tumbler tanks rolling down the streets of Gotham. I even enjoyed the ending, I really enjoyed it. I know some had their gripes over it, but I think that it wrapped up the trilogy nicely considering the themes Nolan had been going for.

As for what I didn't like? More than anything, this movie just feels too big. The story it is telling cannot be properly illustrated in a movie that's under three hours. That's what it is: this movie, in my opinion, needed to be a two parter. Like there should have been an entire movie centered on Batman being broken, and an entire movie centered around him putting himself back together and taking down the bad guys. Yeah, that might work. You can tell too while watching the movie. Everything happens so, so fast and most of it is just characters out right explaining their plans and thoughts and laying out foreshadowing and exposition; oh yeah, Wayne's super powerful fusion reactor and whatnot, I'm sure that won't play a roll in the plot. Don't get me wrong, I like most of the scenes in this movie. What I saw of them. Surely if there was more than a minute and half or three minutes to every scene, I would enjoy them all much more. Instead, we are mostly just having the movie explain how we getting from one plot point to the next so as to keep the movie going. The problem with that is that the emotion of the story is often lost due to the hasty pace. I didn't feel engrossed by what everyone was doing like I was in the last two movies.
The other thing I'm not impressed is how far from form Batman is in this movie. I know Nolan is taking his own artistic liberties with the character, but Batman doesn't let himself get out of shape. Not for long. Certainly not for eight years. Certainly not when he is anything but ninety with a heart condition. When the big "Knightfall" fight with Bane comes around, it doesn't look right. Batman goes out entirely too easily. That's not a problem, the problem is he goes out easily but doesn't seem to utilize his skills like you think he would. Yeah, sorry for all of you MMA fans, the martial arts in this film is not the greatest. In fact, the most we get is a lot of Batman and Bane throwing punches at each other like drunken Irish stereotypes. The fighting might actually be the only thing in this movie that is slow. One could argue that it is because Wayne hasn't been Batman and he was still fucked up from the last film. But no, how do you explain the scene before the Bane fight where Batman and Catwoman are taking down multiple trained mooks together on a roof? Don't make Batman a bitch just because you wanted that PG-13 rating. It just feels in a lot of ways like this is Bane's movie and not Batman's. Maybe that's the point, I don't know.
Also Batman is apparently bipolar when it comes to injuries. At the start of the movie Bruce Wayne's a cripple, walking with a cane due to a leg injury. The leg injury he got EIGHT YEARS AGO when he and Harvey Dent went over the ledge. Making this even more implausible was the fact that Batman only fell like a fourth of the distance he fell earlier in that movie. Remember, when he jumped out of that skyscraper, grabbed Rachel, and landed back first on top of a car. He was fine and dandy after that. And in this he overcomes a broken back through pushups, pull ups, sit ups, and a chiropractor after about two months. Then a knife is too much. Then he can survive anything. And the only argument for any of it is that long held creed: "He's the goddamn Batman!"
Also, it has been pointed out to me by many, that the villain's motivation is a little foggy. It's no secret in the movie that Bane is, like Batman, a former disciple of Ra's Al Ghul (Liam Neeson) and member of The League of Shadows from Batman Begins. This ties into the plot in many ways. Mostly in that Bane wants to finish what Ra's Al Ghul, and The Joker coincidentally, wanted to do previously: destroy Gotham to send a message to the world. What message this sends, I'm not sure. I rationalized it by remembering the League is essentially an organization of crazed pseudo-religous terrorists. Yeah, that doesn't make much sense, but that is not their true motivation. Their true motivation makes a bit more sense. Not much, but a bit.
I also would liked to have a seen a new arc instead of an arc reconstructed from the first film. The League of Shadows is interesting and did have a lot to do with Batman in this world, but as I have realized, it makes the second film look almost out of place. If Batman's true dilemma has been overcoming this gang of foils to his character, then his battle with The Joker might as well have been some random isolated incident (like a comic book Joker battle). I just think maybe Bane and his entourage should have had their own thing going on and represent a new challenge for Batman to overcome.
I'm just looking forward to the director's cut.

Alright, so even though there are things that might have you gnashing your teeth, The Dark Knight Rises is still a pretty impressive movie and highly entertaining. Keep up with it and don't think too deeply on what you see, and you will probably have a very good time. Maybe I think too much. Maybe this is the Batman movie I deserve, but not the one I need I right now.

Three out of four Batmen.

Thanks for reading.

good old fashioned american violence

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - George Orwell

One of the first signs that our great, great, great, ancient ancestors were developing intellectually was when one ape figured out they wouldn't have to worry about another ape stealing their food by caving its head in with a rock or a bone.

I do enjoy violence to a degree. Now I don't doubt that there are some who are repulsed and sickened by it altogether, but I still don't doubt that it is in our nature. And whose to say what those peaceful people might do if they are in the thick of an intense, adrenaline pumping situation in which their blood is up or their patience has been exhausted. A situation where others who feel like they do are suddenly blood thirsty and enraged. They might find themselves a tad more animalistic. Humans throughout history have seemed very adamant in their abilities to gather together at their limits of their control and shout in anger. It's very reminiscent to monkeys 'going crazy' and viciously smacking and pounding on their cages, wouldn't you say?

I am not much of a sadist or a masochist. I don't enjoy violence for the sake of it. I like it as more of an aesthetic. Something that adds some visceral charge to a piece of art, or sudden intensity or even unexpected disgust, because art is what I love most of all. Violence as an idea, I guess you could say.

Think of the word 'badass.' Picture in your mind any image you might have of a standard badass. It is always someone who, at the very least, is unbelievably dominant over others in any given field and, at the very most, is a warrior/killer archetype who can beat the shit out of or kill any douchebag who gets in their way. Let's be honest, more people first thought of Chuck Norris before they thought of Steve Jobs. More people thought of Clint Eastwood before they thought of Oprah. Muhammed Ali before Mahatma Gandhi, so on and so forth.

I'm also of the belief that violence can be used for good and should be if it is applied in the first place. That's why I'm drawn to martial artists and boxers and warriors. People who can defend themselves are fucking cool, the same way a wolf or a tiger is cool. Someone who can somehow manage to endure pain, and shrug off the pain of others at times, and manage to come out on top in a fight for their lives. There is something that resonates with us there for one reason or another. As Orwell would have us believe, though, most of us have been gradually weaned from violence. This is why I'm more interested in the matter for its appeal more than its execution. For that reason, I will never understand it as well as someone who has actually been the instrument or victim of the act. I like to think I can put myself easily in the shoes of others, but it isn't really true. Even though I'm quite sure I could kill somebody, the most I know about the effect is that I know I would not feel entirely good about it in any case.

Fighting and fucking are two main constants to our species. Back in the dawn of man, it's widely considered that there were hunters and there were gatherers. Men killed to feed, women made a place to mate and prosper. It is the reason men are still after all this time so closely associated with violence and why women are still so closely associated with sex. And sex, even that has its own brand of acceptable violence. I recently watched Eddie Murphy Raw, he made a good point in that stand up, to paraphrase: "what sounds better, someone saying 'make love to me' or someone grabbing the back of your head and saying 'fuck the shit outta me?'" That's how you know a guy and a girl in a movie are really passionate for one another: when they escape to a room and start tearing each others clothes off, grabbing at each other, and rolling around like savages. That's very appealing to a lot of people. How about porn? No one watches porn because their sexual fantasy is of reserved, loving sex that is tender as can be. No the real outrageous fantasy for a guy is very often just drilling some beautiful woman with a rock hard penis. And while women may consciously want a gentle knight for a life partner, they won't mind imagining riding ceaselessly on top of some Calvin Klein stud. Talking dirty, kinky foreplay, and some 'uncouth' sexual tricks your lover wouldn't normally think of trying are all part of the package as well. All adding a little bit of wicked spice to our pure, biological sugar. And if you're really lucky, something like that might be actually happen to you in real life. And it might be as good as or better than you thought it would be.

These things I can abide, because if anything it is enriching our lives with something that is morally questionable. What I cannot abide are those who look upon actual violence carelessly. Indifferently. While I enjoy violent stories and warriors, I don't disregard the effect violence in general has. I myself feel bad if I hurt anybody, emotionally or physically. If it happens, even when I am in the right, even when it is my worst enemy, my day is ruined and feel foolish and cruel. That's why murderers fascinate me somewhat, sociopaths in particular. It would be kind of relieving not to have to worry about what your actions might do to others, maybe easier. But I think every person should be allowed to make his or her way in the world if they are not making things worse for everyone else.
Back to my point, though. I am amazed at how many of my countrymen suggest violent action with seemingly no understanding of what they are suggesting. The consequences. Plenty of friends I know who are gung ho American, and are more than enthusiastic about the American military and bombings and assassinations and wars and fighting and killing (they don't mention rape, though. Remember, sex and violence, hand in hand). I have heard some really incredible things. Killing is fine and dandy, of course. Very easy to say that about people who are thousands of miles away from you and who you are never gonna see. I'd be interested to see how many people vote aye when a man is brought before them on hands knees with a gun to his head. Killing innocent bystanders, for some, that's okay too apparently. Their argument is something to the effect of 'wrong place, wrong time, their fault, shouldn't have been there.' Otherwise, the explanation is a half-serious 'meh.' I have even heard some agree with the notion that killing innocent children is acceptable during times of war. This leads me to wonder what kind of moral system people are instilling in today's youth.
I mean, this country has always encouraged war. This country was made by war, the Revolutionary War. War and our capabilities in warfare are some of the main reasons we are currently one of the most powerful and likely most famous countries in the world. Other people don't want to fuck with us too quickly. You've noticed in the past, everyone who has tried to pick a fight with us have been fucking insane. Insane or vengeful, a gateway to violence I can somewhat sympathize with. But the urge for war is rarely out of vengeance. It is more out of contributing to the international big dick contest that is staged day after day, year after year. You must be powerful and just if you can fuck everyone else's shit up, right?
I wish I could blame these frightening perspectives on too many first person shooters that just keep making war look cooler and cooler.  I wish I could solely blame the shit parents who'd rather their child be ruthless and inconsiderate or just don't care enough to teach them to treat others the way they would want to be treated. I wish could blame simple youthful ignorance too. It is not just the kids, though. Plenty of adults are just as a-ok with slaughtering other people as quickly and efficiently as possible. Granted, sometimes there are people who need or just plain deserve to die, but death is not the only punishment in the world. Whether it is your average ordinary citizen or those goddamn bloody politicians, hearing actual grown ups speak so openly about wanting war and destruction for a side they may only scarcely know about is baffling. In general, people who support such things out of ignorance, machoism, or selfishness and not out of past experience in such matters sicken me. People who don't care about how those things and the motives behind them effect others sicken me.

So, basically, what I am trying to say is. If you haven't gotten your hands dirty with real violence, don't talk about it like you have. And don't deny how much influence violence has had on this little rock of ours.

Thank you.

Top Ten Anime Badasses (excluding L)

(I SPOIL SOME STUFF if you care)

In a fictional medium as audacious and over the top as anime, it is inevitable that a few notably out of this world badasses will become more visible. It certainly has one of the finest selections. Plus, you'll be hard pressed to find any modern examples of awesome coolness that are as colorful as those in the anime genre, be it a zoot suit wearing, hand cannon wielding Dracula rendition or a sweetheart secret agent who fights supernatural terrorists with paper. So I will try to list the top ten anime characters who I find to be the most badass. I will, however, have to exclude the character who I feel would just inevitably be the winner, trumping the others: L from Death Note. That's a character for another list. And bare in mind, I don't relentlessly catch up with popular animes just like I don't catch up with all the hit live action shows, so some popular or awesome character that I don't know about may not be on the list. Oh well, let's begin.

10. Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop

"Me? I'm just an old-fashioned cowboy."

Spike is our given for today. Just like L, Spike could have easily been number one. That's why he's ten. But really, Spike Spiegel is one of those anime characters you never forget, much like Cowboy Bebop is that anime that most people remember. I know its what I typically thought of as a kid when I tried to think about a serious type of anime and not just Pokemon and Yu Gi Oh. Everything about this guy is badass. He's basically a combination of Bruce Lee's mastery of martial arts (same style), Clint Eastwood's personality and marksmanship, and he looks like a tall, young, leisure suit-wearing Bob Dylan. Cool as fuck. In the future, Spike is an experienced bounty hunter who regularly kicks the asses of the universe's worst scumbags but at the same time causing so much destruction that his team's reward is usually spent on repairing damages. He seems like your standard lovable rogue, despite everything, but you start to realize he has a past, like most badasses. This past includes contract killing, a Vicious (tee hee) rivalry, star-crossed love, and a replacement cyborg eye. Nevertheless, every moment Spike is on the screen is an enjoyable one. He is without a doubt one of the best anime badasses starring in one of the most badass animes. Oh and by the way, he unknowingly took space shrooms once and spent the rest of the day climbing the stairway to heaven. Just saying.

9. Simon from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann (try saying that ten times fast)

"JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!"

Oh how I did not like Simon. Anyone who watches Gurren Lagann will not like him either in the beginning. I mean, you are kind of expecting someone who was originally raised in the underground catacombs of the future where the rest of humanity suffers to be sad. But Simon was SOOOOOOOO whiney, it's almost ridiculous. It was kind of the point, though. Simon starts off as a scared kid, playing second next to his best friend, mentor, and decoy hero Kamina (coughJesuscough). But after Kamina's sacrifice, awhile after, actually, Simon finally learns his strength and leads the beaten down human race against their alien tyrants. I know the above makes it seem like I don't like Simon. In retrospect, this is another character who could easily be number one. I mean, of course, he's not the first messiah in a MECH seen in anime, but how many other characters defeat legions of aliens in their youth and then go on into adulthood to defeat the UNIVERSE and whatever god controls it? That's not a lie, either. That's the point of his story. He shows how the human spirit can overcome anything, in a way that could only be taken seriously in an anime. Still wish Kamina was alive, though. But, then again, so does Simon.

8. Akira Takizawa from Eden of the East

"You see, I'm a terrorist... nah, just kidding!"

A Japanese man wakes up in front of The White House. He's naked, in one hand is a gun, in the other an advanced cell phone. He doesn't know who he is. The first thing he does is cheerfully ask someone else if they need help. That sums up the man known as Akira Takizawa. He finds himself lost in the most bizarre and dangerous of situations, and is naturally heroic when this happens. Very care free, laid back, nice, and intelligent, Akira is one of several random individuals chosen by some high powered forces in the world to use a vast sum of money to save Japan in any way he can. Despite having no idea who he really is, with every clue pointing to the fact that he is an enigmatic and possibly insane terrorist, Akira goes along with it with the best intentions. And that is the one downside. Akira's pure and unabashed heroism takes away from the mystery because we as an audience really can't imagine him being a bad guy, before or after his memories were erased. Out of all of the people chosen by this shadow organization, Akira probably has used his fortune in the most positive and beneficial ways. He also reminds me of me, what with his love of movies and pop culture being the only thing he can really remember and choosing to live in a huge freaking mall. He also stands up to spies, serial killers, basically the most powerful people in the world, and even goddamn speeding missiles. Win or lose, he faces them all with a smile. You will like Akira Takizawa.

7. Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist

"We'll just have to hope our powers are good enough to help us rise above our own limits. 'Cause we're not gods. We're humans. Tiny insignificant humans... who couldn't even save a little girl."

The above quote is a pretty good way of defining the journey of Edward and his kid brother, Alphonse. They live in an alternate reality where alchemy was dominant over science, and Ed and Al are two of the best despite being barely into their teens. While Alphonse's condition is certainly more tragic and his personality probably more amenable, Edward resonates with me so much because, you guessed it, he is so fucking tragic. While an alchemist in training, his mother dies and his father is gone. He persuades his brother to help him use their combined skills to attempt to bring their mom back from the dead, a practice that is strictly forbidden. Ed soon learns why. Alchemy only works if you give something equivalent to what you are trying to make. Edward underestimates the process. As a result, Al's body is completely destroyed, Ed's loses a leg, gives up an arm just to be able to bind his brother's spirit to a hulking suit of armor, and their mother is brought back as a grotesque mass of limbs and flesh. After getting hooked up with a mechanical arm and leg, Ed and Al make it their mission in life to get their bodies back to how they were... through more forbidden alchemy. This leads them down a dark road, to say the least (yes, Edward and Alphonse Elric are the anime equivalent to Sam and Dean Winchester). And in spite of being a temperamental and reckless kid, Ed also has strong morals and the finesse of both a general and a politician. He is totally conflicted throughout the journey that forces him to continue making tough, life altering decisions. We get the sense that he is losing it more and more as time goes on, only holding on for the sake of his brother and friends. He can also turn his arm into a dagger and is a highly competent martial artist, maybe not as good as Alphonse but still. He's certainly the better alchemist, once being able to beat a seemingly unbeatable enemy simply by figuring out how to use the guy's own unique biology against him. They don't call him the Fullmetal Alchemist, for nothing.

6. Kino from Kino's Journey

"When you're on a journey, the most important thing is to never lose your life."

Mark those words well when dealing with Kino. Badass and fascinating though she and the story may be, bare in mind readers, Kino's Journey is a deep, quiet, and off-the-beaten-path kind of anime. It's not about action scenes so much as art and philosophy. Kino is a somber and intelligent traveler in a world that seems to be absolutely full of places to travel to. Not all of them are good, and many look down on simple travelers. Kino, and her trusty talking motorcycle Hermes, are basically used as a way of showing this world and how the customs and cultures and people differ. Some are sweet and wholesome, others cruel and unforgiving, many tragic, and all are inevitably beautiful to Kino in some way. But why is Kino so badass? Well, it is made perfectly clear in the beginning that she carries guns with her and trains with them often. Both her manner with the guns and how she trains is as steady and reserved as she is. But when she uses them? You're gonna lose is all I'm saying, no matter who you are, it would seem. It's funny too because Kino seems like such a nice and innocent person, small, disarming, serene. In her few action scenes, though, she is all of those things still while being as fast and efficient as they come. She also has one of the most memorable backstories I've seen in an anime. So very sad and scary. While badassery lays dormant, the journey itself is still enjoyable in a very thoughtful sort of way.

5. Hei from Darker than Black

"Contractors are liars. I'm no different."

Oh, he'd like to think that. A few years back in this anime, a massive gate appeared in Tokyo. It is called Hell's Gate, and it took away the sky and stars, replacing it with fake ones, and ravaged the environment. More importantly, everything beyond The Gate is utter chaos. Literally. The power from it manifested and effected humans, turning some into emotionless Dolls (seers; psychics) and Contractors (superhumans; assassins). Hei is one of the best contractors in Japan. And he's Chinese. Carrying out missions for the mysterious Syndicate, Hei usually gives off the vibe most contractors tend to project: stoic and ruthless. We see, in small ways, however, that if he is able to do something right in the process of his mission he will do it... in the most nonchalant way possible, of course. Hei's ability is the projection of electricity, an effectively lethal one. It turns out to be somewhat of an afterthought, though, as we are usually floored by Hei's amazing speed and agility. If this guy's coming at you, few things are gonna stop him from getting there, not for long. And he takes you out hard and fast. It's almost an art just watching him figure out how to take someone down, or even when he doesn't have to (maybe not as much as some of the ones ranked greater but still). As for weaponry, he generally uses two huge daggers, a long ass extendable garrote wire/grappling hook (which he can also channel the electricity through), and his thin black longcoat is bulletproof. He wears a scary blank white mask, all the girls are inexplicably attracted to him, his only real friend is a talking cat, I could keep going. But the thing that is really badass about Hei is that it turns out that for a large part of his life, child soldier and mercenary work included, he was only pretending to be a soulless contractor to stay connected with his beloved little sister, who actually was the powerful contractor. So from the time he was a pre teen soldier for hire to a mid-20s adult, Hei was just a normal guy who happened to become one the best killers in the world out of sheer will. The contractor status just makes him a bit more... unique. Black Reaper indeed.

4. Teresa of the Faint Smile from Claymore

"What kept you? You should've summoned your powers the moment you saw me... don't you think?"

In a medieval world of feudalism that also happens to be plagued by monstrous demons known as Yoma, an Organization reengineered human beings with Yoma DNA and thus their inhuman power. They are called Claymores (mostly because they carry huge claymore swords). There have been multiple generations, but the current one is predominantly female. Much like the Contractors form DTB above, Claymores are typically cold hearted killers, but some can be very knight like. Well that's the backstory, but anyway Teresa for the longest time happened to be the strongest and, indeed, most badass of all 50 sum numbered Claymores at the time, her being No. 1, naturally. Now Teresa's a flashback character and it will be clearly seen she is not as relevant in the present story, so you know something's gonna happen to her. That road pretty much begins in the past where see she eventually discovered her humanity by begrudgingly caring for a little girl she rescued. This discovery of intense emotions also leads her to slaughter a group of bandits who harmed the child; and yeah, it was like gory and geometric at the same time. Bad news, Claymores are sworn to protect humans and will be hunted by their own if they kill them. Since her kind is one of outstanding speed, agility, strength, and ferocity in battle, Teresa stood out in many ways: mostly in that she exceeded every other Claymore and nearly every Yoma in all of those categories, doing so through skill and without ever harnessing the dangerous demon power that most Claymore put to use. The fact that she has no one strong point in combat makes it difficult for her superiors to title her like other single digit Claymores. This leads them to call her "Teresa of the Faint Smile" because, obviously, she constantly has a small and serene smile on her face, especially when she's slaying Yoma. The most her opponents can usually hope to do is mildly impress her in combat, at least for Claymores. For Yoma, she simply walks into a town in danger and immediately cuts through Yomas disguised as people before they can even react. But yeah, she probably moves faster and outmatches enemies better than most I've seen from any other Claymore in the series or any series for that matter... and hot, probably the most stunning of the race of beautiful warrior women. Despite being a heartless killer in the beginning, Teresa wins us over by giving her life completely to a little girl who she learned to love. And by owning everything they throw with lightning speed.

3. Claire Stanfield from Baccano

"How amusing! I'm the monster who's gonna devour you all."

Of all the tough customers you'll find on this list, Claire is probably the one you would want to avoid the most. It's not known if he's always been such a monstrous person, but being adopted by a hard edged Brooklyn mafia in the WWI era might have had something to do with it; or his uncanny aptitude and intellect; or the unparalleled strength and reflexes he gained as a circus acrobat; but all of that probably came in handy most when he became a hitman. And not only that, but the best and 'most effective' assassin in America during the '20s-30s (and apparently long after that). Next to murder, Claire's passion is in the train and railroad business, even working part time as a conductor aboard one Flying Pussyfoot. A job that allows him national high speed travel to his various jobs. When that train is threatened is when he shows off just how, uh, damaging he can be. He unleashes upon the hijacking terrorists and killers a bloody horror show. See, Claire is interesting in that he has his own code and way of living life, making him pretty noble despite the insane things he does. How good is he: he can circumnavigate and twist around the speeding train in a hundred different ways, his confidence is such that he doesn't fear anyone and believes the whole world and everybody in it are figments of his imagination, he calmly dodges around any attacks, he apparently knows nearly all forms of combat, and gets the nickname 'Vino' for the messy, bloodsoaked corpses of his victims he leaves behind (he also spends most of the series covered head to toe in blood). If he isn't dissecting you physically, he's doing it psychologically. And all he really did was train well. Claire Stanfield really convinces you that he can't be beaten. Further proven in the novels, where he apparently remains a hardcore badass well into his nineties.

2. Sebastian Michaelis from Black Butler

"You see, I am simply one hell of a butler."

He's not wrong there. Sebastian looks more like a man who would run a noble house rather than the man serving it, but he clearly has his reasons for acting as head butler of The Phantomhive Mansion. The very mysterious Sebastian Michaelis has a very solid deal with the very young master of the house, Ciel Phantomhive. There is virtually nothing Sebastian won't do for Ciel, and virtually no way he won't accomplish the task given. At the same time he is also impeccably charming, courteous, handsome, and dutiful. A good portion of each episode will describe in some fashion how he tends to The Mansion and his master. Surprisingly, Sebastian, though often coldly snarky and smiling devilishly, is actually the lighter of the two main characters. Whereas Ciel is an icy, condescending, and distant boy who, Sebastian is the one who is calm, polite, and even concerned for the wellbeing of others (you know, so long as it helps keep things moving on the job). Rather memorable moments are ones where you find Sebastian tirelessly and cheerfully talking about the new cuisine for breakfast, or where he is helplessly fascinated by cats. Do not let this fool you? When I said Sebastian will do anything for Ciel, that's true. Stand in Sebastian's way and he will kill you with silverware, and beating him will be next to impossible. He only goes full force on one character in one scene in the entire anime and it is so shocking and horrifying that it is not even shown on screen. And I know I might be a bit vague about his badassery, but his excuse for it is something of a surprise for people who haven't read much about it. His eyes, his colors, his smile, his manner, the way he says 'hell' in his catchphrase, maybe even his love of cats should all be pretty good clues as to what he is. I won't say what it is, but its awesome. Sebastian Michaelis is another one of those characters you will just like.

1. Vash the Stampede from Trigun

"This world is made of LOVE AND PEACE!"

The Stampede. The Humanoid Typhoon. The people of the impoverished planet of Gunsmoke really don't like Vash. This is because he is known far and wide across the lands as one man destroyer of whole communities. Some towns rally together to capture or kill him when he walks through, others evacuate entirely when they find out he's coming. And when you first see him you really buy into that myth. How fun it was to learn that Vash is not only a strange and overly peppy young man, he is anything but your average badass. He totally fails the first attempt at acting cool you seem make. Even more surprising Vash is a total pacifist (see above quote). Despite having an insanely bad reputation, a hand cannon, a cool as hell red longcoat, even cooler sunglasses, and perhaps the most ridiculously epic of nineties style anime haircuts, Vash is against everything you would typically think a cool hero would be. He makes a point of not hurting those who would hurt him, and the times when he has no other choice are the most interesting. Because insanely good or not, most of the world would see him dead. The explanation for his annihilation of entire cities is connected to his past and his past is a mystery so I won't spoil it. (Let's just say his childhood sucked on a Biblical scale and it only gets worse). Even if he doesn't kill a hundred men each episode, Vash is still pretty goddamn amazing. His anti-violent good nature is his only real weakness next to his undying heroism, aside from that Vash is almost impossible to kill and really is more dangerous than the majority of enemies he meets. He just spends so much time joking around, eating donuts, and being an all around nice guy that you tend to forget some times that he has left cities in flaming rubble. Vash is number one because, in my opinion, he is a true hero and the only flaws he has are ones you can't really chide him for (outraged at a child's murder even when the child would have surely killed him and others). Vash doesn't give up, always overcomes his adversity, and saves the day, no matter how bad things get for him. He is the number one anime badass.

This has been another top ten list from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.

The Grey Review

"Once more into the fray.

Into the last good fight I'll ever know.

Live and die on this day.

Live and die on this day." - John Ottway

(POSSIBLE SPOILERS; though, the fact that characters die isn't a spoiler. I mean, they are ordinary dudes against wolves... granted ordinary dudes led by Liam Neeson, but still)

Okay, the world better not end if more movies like this are gonna be made this year. It's funny, but I am uniquely optimistic about 2012. Nothing seems amiss, at least, no more than usual. And plus, how ironic that in our supposed last year I'd start my theater going experience, after 2011's Tintin (which I may review later), with a stark and unforgiving movie that also exemplifies man's willingness to survive.

I wasn't the only one fooled by trailers. Everything about this screamed 'FOR GUYS.' A small group of men stranded in the frozen Alaskan wilderness being hunted by a vicious pack of wolves... oh yeah, and they're being led by Liam Neeson. Hells yes. I, honestly, didn't know what to think, especially when it came to that now beloved shot of Neeson preparing to fight the wolves with broken airline liquor bottles and a knife taped into his hands. I was on the edge to thinking the film could either be really awesome or just a hokey cash grab that's banking on Liam Neeson's natural badassery. It was something quite different actually.

First, the premise: Liam Neeson is playing Ottway, a skilled sharpshooter who works for an oil refinery out in Alaska where he is paid to protect the workers from wolves in the area. And when he and the other people there are taking a flight out on leave their plane crashes in the middle of the snowy wastelands. Down to less than ten men, Ottway, being the most experienced, takes charge of helping everyone survive. But the harsh elements quickly pale in comparison when they realize that they are in the midst of a den of a wolf pack. Ottway and his motley crew begin their seemingly futile attempts to find a way out of the den or kill the wolves before they are all dead too.

The filmmaking aspects of The Grey are out of sight. This was made by Joe Carnahan, a director whose previous works I thought showed a lot of promise. These include the gritty detective drama Narc, and the balls to the wall action thriller Smokin' Aces, both films I thought went about their familiar storylines in interesting ways. He also did The A-Team awhile back, but I didn't have much interest in seeing that. The Grey is definitely his best work, though. The photography incorporates a lot of handheld camera work, giving it a more up close and personal feel that is effective. This doesn't deprive the film of amazing shots in any way. With the dark, fire lit nights, the desolate winter environment, and the almost demonic wolves, it always has a beautiful sort of dreamlike look to it. The music is effective, and I'm pretty sure the last scene features a rendition of "John's Walk" one of my favorite pieces of music. I also give the movie props for having probably the most terrifying plane crash I've seen; it's the pilot episode of Lost times a hundred. The movie was produced by Ridley and Tony Scott, so it was gonna be a big movie for better or for worse. This time better. This was just a well rounded film to me...

Which would not be totally rounded had it not had such a great cast of characters, and a small one at that. I apologize to female viewers who may want to see this movie, it's quite a sausage fest, and I'm not spoiling much by saying that any women who are encountered meet... unfortunate ends fast. However, the cast here is very good. The Grey gets credit for being able to get me to care about everyone one of the cast in some way, and for each of their seemingly inevitable deaths being just as horrific or tragic as the last; though, the first one is one of the more gut wrenching death scenes I've watched in awhile. A few notable figures in the survivors group include Hendrick (Dallas Roberts), probably the most civil of the group and willing to help, Talgat (Dermot Mulroney, though, you may not recognize him) who seems to be a compassionate person of faith, and Diaz (Frank Grillo) the group's token troublemaker punk, who is probably the most memorable next to Ottway. The face of the movie (seriously, need the poster show more) is Liam Neeson, though. And shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, does the man own this movie. It is certainly one of his best roles that I've seen him in. His character is complicated, every bit as much of an outcast from society as the workers he loathes in the beginning, and every bit as scared as them once they are faced with death. While he is not a total badass per se, he is the one who knows all about wolves and comes up with unique ways to kill them without guns or to more importantly elude them.

Now for the lesser known cast of characters: the wolves. Again, don't expect too many man vs. beast moments, because there is no contest in most cases. They are just stronger, faster, and more durable than a fragile human body. Its clear the wolves could probably just all gang up on the men at any moment and the movie would be over, but they are kind of like our modern equivalent to velociraptors, they are extremely dangerous and powerful but are also intelligent and strategic. So the wolves literally pick the group off one by one, and thus are not seen a lot. I'm kind of glad about that. The trailers showed the wolves mostly being CGI, but they are always shot and obscured in just the right ways that they are still believable. Besides there is no way anyone could get a real wolf to fake attack people like they do in this movie. Most of them are gray wolves, and there are around ten of them, and they are led by the Alpha. The alpha is basically your childhood idea of a wolf, but even scarier. Apparently a lot of the info on wolves supplied in this movie are accurate, but even so, the wolves seem more like nightmarish monsters than anything else. Their hideous howls, the fierce look of their eyes. Whose the superior being, again? Oh yeah, and here's a fun fact, wolves are one of, if not, the only animals who seek revenge, which will be freakishly obvious at a certain point.

I will just spare anyone right now who thinks this is Taken with wolves, it's not. Not to sound highfalutin, but it is a pretty deep and introspective movie. The characters clearly live by certain philosophies, all of which are painfully overwhelmed by the indifferent wild. Ultimately that's what the movie is about rather than a fight with wolves 'cause it's extreme, or, at least, that's half of what its about. On the one hand it shows quite literally that in the end our codes and gods won't save us, but our willingness to fight for our lives might, and on the other the film brutally hits it home that nature is unforgiving and is rarely beaten. To me at least, and I hope I'm articulating it correctly. I thought it was a very fascinating movie, while also having its share of awesome moments. Then again, I've been a sucker for man against nature stories since The Edge, which this film really reminded me of.

The ending, more than anything, is what will divide people on the movie. It was ruined for me three times the day I saw the movie, and it still struck a chord in me. Whatever people felt it may have lacked, I personally couldn't see anything being filmed that is cooler than what I imagined. The after credits shot alone gives you a strong enough impression of how things go down.

Well, my opinion is pretty clear. I loved it. See it.

Four out of four wallets of death.

This has been a review Your Modest Guru is kind of proud of. Thanks for reading.

Drive Review

"You put this kid behind the wheel of a car and there is nothing he can't do." - Shannon

I didn't think movies like this were made anymore. I know, it is done mostly in homage, but the mixture of 80s style with late 60s dark tones in movies for Drive was refreshing. I heard this was intriguing, but I honestly did go in expecting more of a Transporter type action film. Imagine my surprise that it was an independent action movie (one of my favorite genre splices). While I will address the movie's visible flaws, I will mainly be detailing what I found so interesting about it along with the usual monkey business.

Based on the novel by James Sallis, Drive is, naturally, about a driver. The nameless Driver (Ryan Gosling) is a professional and pragmatic motorist. He makes his living in Los Angeles where he works as stunt driver for Hollywood action movies by day (irony, I guess), but occasionally he will act as a getaway driver for criminals. But despite living his life very minimally, almost as if he was just another part for his car, The Driver manages to befriend his neighbors, a single mother Irene (Carey Mulligan) and her son. Their growing bond is interrupted by the arrival of Irene's ex-con husband, who brings with him some seedy criminal baggage, including two menacing gangsters (Albert Brooks & Ron Perlman). Realizing the family is in danger, The Driver puts himself on the line to ensure their safety. He does this with extreme prejudice.

I realized immediately that this is a pretty overused story. It's the classic western scenario, a quiet nameless hero with a dark past wanders into the lives of some beautiful but unfortunate people and discovers that there are some things worth fighting for, then cue epic good vs evil battle. So, it's nothing new. But it is well done. And it is one of the better ones I've seen in awhile.

The acting department is small this time; not excellent but interesting, nonetheless. Of course, the face of this film is Ryan Gosling as The Driver. Over the past few years, Gosling has proven himself to be a charismatic and talented actor, even earning himself an Best Actor Oscar nomination previously. Unfortunately, this is not the movie to see that displays his full range. This is because The Driver character is very stoic, a man of few words. He purposely defines himself by his expertise, consumed by his craft and solitude. It in those brief moments where the character's true personality starts to break out that Gosling shines. The starring actress Carey Mulligan also suffers from the movie's emphasis on subtlety. In the role of Irene, the single mother, she also appears as a soft spoken figure, endearingly innocent but soft spoken still. Her role is primarily as a macGuffin, the motivation The Driver needs to progress the plot. I know she is already praised as a superior young actress, but I wish this wasn't the first role I've seen her in; it isn't a bad role, just not a very interesting one, even if the subtlety was intentional. And speaking of poorly utilized actresses, Christina Hendricks from Madmen is in this movie in a role that could literally be played by any hot actress. Hendricks is also a competent and well recognized star, and she has maybe three scenes in this and has lines in, I think, only one of them. Stellar. The primary supporting characters in this movie are pretty solid, however. I'm glad to see Oscar Isaac act as a believable guy as opposed to that cheesy villain he played in Sucker Punch. I felt for his character Standard, the recently paroled husband who tries to get out but...well, you know how it goes. Bryan Cranston isn't Walter White in this movie, the complete opposite, in fact. As Shannon he is a nice and sympathetic character, but his clear vulnerability puts you on edge whenever he is around the cold gangsters. Speaking of which, if Ryan Gosling's badassery or Christina Hendricks' chest don't sell people on this movie, Albert Brooks and Ron Perlman will as the Jewish gangsters Bernie and Dino. Perlman is an amusingly abrasive troublemaker, just the way we like him. Brooks is the real big bad here, though (I mean, he's not Frank Scorpio big bad, but it's pretty villainous). He is a testy, aggravated old criminal who wants to be reasonable, make money, and stay out of trouble, but is willing to tie up loose ends when things go wrong. So the acting was pretty decent, but I just think it could have been so much more impressive if the characters had been a bit more expressive. I know it's noir and everyone is shrouded in mystery, but, come on.

I'd be surprised if this didn't appeal to the art house crowd, Drive seems tailor made for that demographic. It is directed by Nicholas Winding Refn (a director chosen by Gosling), known as a visually fascinating and highly stylized director, so I guess the artsy aspect of the movie is kind of unavoidable. That doesn't mean its bad. The cinematography is gorgeous, with the cool light and dark contrasts so often found in film noir, and the overall handling of the film seems pretty well done. There are moments, glaring moments, when the art is overbearing (characters in this movie have pauses long enough and silent enough to make Christopher Walken role his eyes). That is this film's real problem: this is indeed a style over substance movie; too much of either is usually very apparent and often irritating. The thing is both style and substance within this movie resonated with me, it was just blatantly obvious that directorial art was held in higher regard than Hossein Amini's moody script.

Another criticism was the gory violence of the movie. It is not as if this was straight up gorn, in fact, the violence comes in so much later in the film that it still catches you off guard even if you do know about it. The complaints were that the violence was over the top. Well, I guess it is kind of. I haven't seen characters kill other characters so bluntly and viciously and quickly like this very often. But, thinking realistically, if someone is getting shot or stabbed blood will get everywhere. And to add to that, none of the dangerous players in this movie don't care about showy fist fights or kickboxing or gun kata, they try to kill each other brutally and quickly; The Driver takes guys down before they even get a chance to attack him. Over the top or realistic, either way, the instances of violence are undeniably hardcore.

However, what really struck me were the influences this movie seemed to have proudly on its sleeve. Drive is inspired by many introspective, psychological thrillers and dramas that famously stood out in cinema of the last 50 or 60 years. As opposed to huge marketable actioners like The Fast and The Furious or Transporter, Drive has more of the feel of a movie like Bullitt (with the precise, tricky, but not totally implausible driving) or Taxi Driver (with a disturbed individual going to messy extremes to protect innocence/family values). The pacing, soundtrack, and photography is very much inspired by smooth 80s thrillers; love the credits with the hot pink font cast over LA at night. I actually downloaded The Driver's theme song that played throughout the movie.

All in all, Drive may have been a bit misleading in its advertisements, the characters may been overly nuanced and underdeveloped, and there was that weird scene involving a beach and a latex mask, but I still found myself enjoying it. I can clearly see how polarizing movies like these are nowadays, but to be fair, movies like this aren't made a lot anymore. This is a movie where the characters sort of let their actions dictate what kind of people they are, it takes a lot of time to bury itself into its own dark tones. It is visually impressive, the acting was exceptional when it was allowed to be, and I just like what they did with the story (though overused, I still love this hero scenario). I was glad my suspicions weren't correct and it wasn't a rehash of an explosive Grant Theft Auto type movie; even if the movie isn't great, I still would rather see a movie like this than one of those.

Three out of four swallowed bullets.

This has been a rather lengthy from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.