Before I begin I could justify my subject's actions by using a line from my favorite character from Lost, John Locke: "Who are we to tell anyone what they can't do?"
Then again, since I, and hopefully any sound individual reading this will soon understand why I have a retort against my ultra wise television hero with: "If that thing keeps talking bad about me, I'm gonna fuckin' smash it!" A line from Leonard Church, another hero of mine from Red vs. Blue who coincidentally has an ongoing arc very similar to Locke's. That line basically sums up the feelings of the people the subject has wronged.
So what am I talkin' about, if you didn't catch the heading. Only a subject that I have felt the urge to speak up on since the beginning of my blog but always told myself not to. I am talking, of course, but my flamboyant, highly offensive, but infinitely more recognizable blogging rival Perez Hilton. Perez Hilton is one of the those bloggers who rose to fame in the media and is now found talking everywhere. I first paid attention to him during that whole Miss USA controversy, which I was on his side initially. I didn't really think much of him at first until I thought I'd do a little research. After all, I didn't really know any other bloggers I could take a lot notes from. What I found was less than flattering regarding Mr. Hilton. He's a pretty solid douchebag.
Granted he isn't a Rush Limbaugh, but he's not a good guy either. One of Hilton's main goals in his blogging efforts is to out the celebrities he "believes" or are rumoured to be homosexual. Hilton is a gay man himself, and believes that closeted people keep the gay community from gaining further recognition. In this sense, he feels the personal feelings of the people he tries to out in pursuit of making the homosexuals all over the world more open. The end does not justify the means, naturally. Tom Cruise is one of his targets. How very cliche. Actor Neil Patrick Harris did come out of the closet after Hilton's relentless tirade against him. The same thing also happened with singer Lance Bass. He and Dick Cheney should hang out, I mean he seems like the only gay man Cheney would try to make a good impression on rather than snarling and burning a cigar out in his arm like everyone else. I may not go to rallies or anything, but I am in favor of same sex marriage and don't have any objection against homosexuals or lesbians in general. I would hate for someone to judge who I choose to love. But I would also hate it for someone to invade my private life to find out who I choose to love. Mostly because I think most people would be surprised by the answers. Though I do often ask myself how I can oggle women like Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Lopez and then do the same to Nancy Pelosi of the White House. I don't know, maybe it was that appalled, "NOM, NOM, NOM" gaze she gave to the politician who shouted "You Lie!" to Obama that one time. Guess I do like a woman who doesn't feel the need to keep her emotions close to her chest just as much as I like a woman who has A chest. Wow. I think I have totally altered my readers' opinion of me just by writing this. Ahh, I don't care. Nancy Pelosi = Yum, yum! I'll just further distract you with more of Perez Hilton's douchebaggery.
Awhile ago, Perez Hilton had bad blood with singer Stacy Ferguson, who wrote a song, "Pedestal" that is allegedly about and arguementive toward him. He didn't take kindly to this (oh but who could argue with those abs of hers.) and he backlashed against her with hurtful comments. Fergie's former musical partner and friend, will i. am later approached Hilton to talk to him about this. A pissy Hilton called the otherwise peace bearing Mr. am a "faggot" (yeah, one to talk). A nearby person, either a fan or friend of will i. am's, attacked Hilton. During the ensuing chaos, Hilton managed to get on Twitter and tell people about it instead of, oh I don't know, calling the police. I also guess Hilton didn't know that people could assualt others physically and not just verbally; silly little man. He later said that during his confrontation with will i. am that he thought he should have called him a "nigger" instead of a faggot. Classy man, huh? Being a Latin American, homosexual man who frequently claims he is helping the gay community (a community that even more frequently shuns him for his actions), Hilton really is hypocritical.
Even worse than being a douchebag, Perez Hilton is a frequently stupid and/or inaccurate writer. During the time when Fidel Castro was getting ill and his brother was even taking over his position temporarily, Hilton claimed on his blog that Castro had died of his sickness. Not only that, but Hilton also claimed he was the only one in America, if not the world, to have gotten the information. Yes, I'm sure the Cubans immediate choice to alert of Castro's death would be none other than Perez Hilton. Of course Castro wasn't dead, and he soon recovered from his illness. This still is not really a good thing as Castro is a communist dictator. The point is Hilton was very, very wrong. Now in a case where being wrong is not the point as much as being horribly offensive, Hilton had something to say about another very recognizable figure who had gotten ill. Michael Jackson. Hilton claimed that the illness was nothing more than a publicity stunt fabricated by the King of Pop. But you better fucking believe Hilton was deleting that post when he heard Michael went into cardiac arrest. Of course he was too late and was already getting a lot of heat for what he had said. One such backlasher was another muscian, Pete Wentz of Fallout Boy. So yeah, add stupid to Perez' laundry list of flaws.
But what has really sparked me into finally writing out my built up disdain for Hilton? As I have heard, pop star Miley Cyrus, aged seventeen, had a very embarrassing photo taken of her. To be blunt, an upskirt shot of her vagina. Jesus, do paparazzi try their best to go as far as possible; they've already killed Princess Diana, got Sean Penn, Marlon Brando, and Woody Harrelson to raise fists, and drove Britney Spears to near insanity. But you wouldn't guess who got a hold of those photos and immediately posted it on his blog for all to see. Yeah, you know who. A short time ago, Miley Cyrus, while all for same sex marriage and other good stuff, obviously did not like the way Perez Hilton did things; I think Hilton wronged the music industry in some way because a lot of singers and musicians don't like him. Hilton whined like a little bitch once agian, leaving the much younger Cyrus to resolve the situation and try to make amends. So I guess this recent indecency is a nice little "fuck you" to the young star. Hilton has done stuff like this with other celebrities (altered topless photos of Jennifer Aniston; a Colin Farrell sex tape) but this is too fucking far. Miley Cyrus is a seventeen year old girl, a star loved by millions across the country and it seems Perez Hilton didn't even bat an eye before posting something that will no doubt victimize the poor girl in one way or another. Hilton has removed the photo from his blog, but was less than apologetic in the aftermath. He claimed not only that he felt it wasn't wrong for photos like this to be taken, but since Miley Cyrus is "almost eighteen" she should be as revealing as possible, even to the point where he suggests she should expose her breasts at some point. Yeah, you heard right. Once again this is a girl who is still technically a child. This could be seen as pedophilic. All I can say is shame on you, Perez, you creepy little fuck. You are a monster. You are a cold, inconsiderate, insensitive monster. And if you were right here, right now, I would go will i. am fan times ten on you.
This is disgust that has built up quickly over time and after hearing about this Miley Cyrus thing I had to get it off of my chest. Perez Hilton is a blight in so many ways. Still I cannot and will not try to escape the fact that, despite my dislike or even hatred of him, I share his flaws. I often gossip here and there about the media and entertainment, and have done so in a derogatory fashion. In my defense I will say I am usually derogatory when it comes to someone within the media or entertainment acting in ways such as Perez Hilton. I also have admitted before that I am not a very smart blogger; I don't always have my facts straight and strive only to at least make a gist of what I am talking about. Hilton may be an even smarter blogger than me, but I do think I am much more compassionate than he is. I also suffer from selfishness like him in one way, but not in as big a way. I am selfish in that I have the delusion of me and Hilton, as bloggers of similar things, being rivals. It's something I feel compelled to believe in. So yes, while my actions are not always good, I can at least say I'm a lot better than Perez Hilton. You know I hope by some miracle he finds my blog. I hope he tries to retort. I hope the conflict I have been dreaming draws near and I can go up against my rival in the world of bullshit blogs. Only time will tell.
Waiting patiently, this has been a declaration of war from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
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