"What is fame? The advantage of being known by people of whom you yourself know little, and for whom you care as little." - Lord Byron
People have always had fun watching the well off. The famous. It can be actors, good or bad. It can be musicians, talented or just plain horrible. It can be controversial heiresses, who really have no business hogging the limelight. Whatever it is, we love their lives. Why? Because we so obviously despise our own. I mean seriously, why would people constantly observe these people, talk about these people and waste time thinking about these people if you didn't secretly strive to be like them instead of, I don't know, like yourselves. I can't blame them, I do it myself not to be too hypocritical. It is one of the things humans do the best: we covet. We watch TV and we see the rich and famous and we covet them endlessly "oh if only". As kids in this generation we don't wanna be astronauts, we want to be academy award winners, we wanna be rock stars or models or big business bureaucrats. We all believe someday we are gonna make a million dollars for a year's work. "Sure, I can be like them." NOT. You know why these dreams and big money aspirations go sour more often than not? It's because you spent far too much watching the people you wanted to be like. We have no initiative to set out and accomplish what needs to be accomplished for our dreams. Not all but some. Maybe most. I digress.
A lot of the guys in my school their big aspirations that will set them for life are truly remarkable. Yeah I always wanted to grow up to become the town mechanic, why would I wanna leave. Or maybe I'd aim big and join the army, hopefully I'll get shot and get more than ten government checks coming once a month. Hallelujah, horray for the American Dream!!! It's not to say others have at least spirited aspirations: some want to be doctors, and of course actors and actresses. I know, no one knows what they want to be when they grow up. I'm still not even quite sure my plans are gonna bottom out the way I want them to. The way this economy is going I'll be serving up whopper value meals at Burger King while my real dream collects dust in the deepest part of my mind.
I like talking about celebrities, but I really don't like to bash them, except the ones who are just down right despicable. I bad mouth Miley Cyrus when really she's not a bad person whatsoever, I just hate all the hype. But you get people who bitch about Tom Cruise, great actor, funny guy, family man. But of course he's a scientologist and he had the audacity to express (gasp) LOVE for his wife Katie Holmes on Oprah, a show where women simultaneously scream like rowdy fucking monkeys as soon as the woman opens her mouth. Shame on you Tom, fucking shame on you!!! People are gonna have to face the fact that scientology is a religion. It ain't goin anywhere. The celebrities will not let it die. Just like survivors of the last few generations and way further back will not let christianity die. Or the media drama queens, such as Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears. Britney Spears. It was funny at first but after awhile it was just depressing. Yeah she's a fuck up, and she fucked up a lot. But I can take a guess why: because the media would not leave her alone while at the same time wondering what the hell provokes her to continuously fuck up. Now, when I guess the hammer hitting them over the head was big enough, they've kept her pretty much out of the picture but not out of the crosshairs. Who the hell knows, maybe she can screw herself over without the help of the media or Kevin Federline.
Even moreso in death are celebrities a hot topic. Look at Michael Jackson. I mean seriously, his will is read on national television when probably ten bombings are going on in Iraq. People are killing themselves because a world without MJ is too painful. Or the fortune costing memorial in Los Angeles. I mean I loves me some Michael Jackson too but come on. It's not like Christ died...again. Even the family of Farrah Fawcett are somewhat grateful for the King of Pop's passing because of how it drew away the media coverage of her funeral. "Thanks Michael, you couldn't have died at a better time." I think his death might even be overshadowing the death of Walter Cronkite.
I think the reason for all of this pointless banter and bad mouthing of our favorite people originates from our love of chaos. That is my honest opinion. The world loves chaos. Earth will never be a willing utopia. We need murder, sex, lies, and celebrites apart from politics. And we need the media to chuck it at us in a hail of entertainment shows like Access Hollywood, E news, Fox (which I highly recommend if you want celebrity gossip over real news stories) and just about every other news channel that ought to be talking about important things. I mean CNN was raving about Michael Jackson for like two weeks. While consciously we adore some of these people, subconsciously our poorer selves want bad things to happen to them so we can be like "Now you know what it's like to be me, minus the awesome luxuries and fine girlfriend!"
This has been a complaint of bullshit from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Magnolia and Coincidence
"We all fall down. People look up. And when it rains it pours." - Tagline
I am going to do something interesting and combining a blog on a thought of mine, and of others I believe, with a movie review that is connected to that thought. I am doing this review here because Netflix has too many damn restrictions for me to do it there.
I watched the 1999 P.T. Anderson film 'Magnolia' last night. I started at around 11:30 and ended around 2:40 when the movie was over. The plot contains several stories that cannot exist without each other. This is typically called Hyperlink Cinema: a philandering game show host (Phillip Baker Hall) is dying and attempts to find some sort of catharsis while screwing up on said show. The show is a Jeopardy-esque game called "What Do Kids Know". The top kid (Jeremy Blackman), a child prodigy, faces humiliation and sorrow when put in the hands of the cold television people and turned into a gimmick, all for the prosper of his even colder golddigger father. The boy is a lot like a former kid genius, Quiz Kid Donnie Smith (William H. Macy) who, up to his eyeballs in debt, tries to impress a young male bartender. The game show host's estranged daughter (Melora Walters) is a unstable drug addict who is lucky enough to get a date with a sweet as can be police officer (John C. Reilly), who faces belittling because of his low rank, even though she may sabotage this opportunity for happiness.
Meanwhile, a sensitive caretaker (Philip Seymour Hoffman) tries desperately to get in contact with the son of a dying man (Jason Robards). The son turns out to be an eccentric macho informercial man (Tom Cruise) promoting his new book Seduce and Destroy. He is caught in an interview with a persistant reporter (April Grace) who tries to break him down gradually and get past his rather unique barriers. The dying man's disturbed trophy wife (Julliane Moore) is trying to buy a lot of medication and arrange a new deal with her lawyer regarding her husband's will (it's not what you think).
Some of these strange stories intertwine. They are all explosive and dramatic. They are all resolved by the same thing. An act so unbelievable, you will keep talking about it afterward. If you are going to see this movie, don't act pissed or appalled at the way things turned out because the film's narrator implies at the beginning that something like it will happen (though I never would've guessed it would be something of it's caliber). I mean good god, it's incredible, it's biblical, it's gives the term "whatthefuckerry" a place in the english dictionary. And yet still, it ends with some form of grace.
I felt Magnolia was a film about many things: social issues, estranged relationships between children and parents, guilt, regret, redemption, reconcilliation. But the film itself states, by way of a narrator, that everything in it will revolve around one strange occurance. Roger Ebert, a more well known critic, raved about Magnolia as having "operatic ecstasy". I agree. Mixing music with outbursts of passionate emotion does create an opera feel I suppose. Magnolia, maybe more than any other film is an actor's wet dream. Why? Because it is made for an ensemble cast and there is no star. Everyone is given a character that has a fair and equal share of depth and story. The whole cast is superb, literally everyone. The film was nominated for three Oscars: best supporting actor for Tom Cruise, best original screenplay for Anderson, and best song by Aimee Mann. All deserved nominations. The film is extremely well written and directed just as well, Paul Thomas Anderson is a true genius at darkly comedic drama (Boogie Nights, Punch Drunk Love) or just plain epic drama (There Will Be Blood) but he claims that this one is his baby. His all time movie. It is indeed epic, and it's beautiful, and dark, and funny, and sweet, and, heartbreaking, and intricate. It's a little slice of life that has one punchline no one sees coming. It is a five star movie plain and simple. Be warned though, if you can't invest yourself in a movie, you probably shouldn't watch this because it's three hours long, but totally worth it.
In the very beginning of the film, the narrator gives us three stories of remarkable chance, urban legends I suppose: 1) in 1911 a well to do englishman was murdered at his place of business on Greenberry Hill, London by three men who were ironically named Mr. Green, Mr. Berry, and Mr. Hill. Coincidence? In 1983 firefighters put out a forest fire by way of an aerial shower (i don't know the term) and found a dead scuba diver in a tree. The scuba diver was picked up by the plane that put out the fires, he died of a heart attack mid air. Turned out to be a jack of all trades who worked mostly as a blackjack dealer at a casino, he was attacked a few days before his death by a stressed out gambler. The gambler turned out to be the pilot that picked up the diver unkowingly and killed him, overcome with guilt at realizing this later the pilot killed himself. And of course the one I had heard before, in 1958 a guy jumped from the top of an apartment building to commit suicide, but on his way down he was killed by a shotgun blast. Ironically the blast came from the window of his own apartment where his parents were threatening each other with guns and the mother missed and accidentally fired, killing her son as he fell. Even more ironic the son turned out to be the one who loaded the gun prior to jumping the roof, hoping his parents would kill each other in one of their arguements. And even more ironic a safety net had been installed earlier for window cleaners, the net would've broken the son's fall and prevented the suicide, this unfortunately meant the parents went to jail for murder. These stories are all arguably true.
I know what you're thinking. Things like that can't just happen. Something that complex can't just be chance. That's what the film begs: that coincidence is the true myth. Our lives can be affected by accidents of chance or these "coincidences can be considered everyday occurances. Strange things happen in this strange world of ours? Perhaps. They happen as commonly as the rain perhaps. The circle of life involves more than just man and animal. It contains everything we don't see. Why do the clouds in the sky look like things sometimes? Perhaps something provokes them to. Could it be that everything in the world we write off as coincidence and take for granted actually happens for a totally more detailed reason? Not God necessarily, but just something else. These things perhaps happen because nature provokes it. Much like our minds provokes us to do certain things. Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm just caught in the euphoria of a good movie and maybe it all is just one of those unexplainable things that happen for no reason. But what fun is life if we can't develop our own theories of the everlasting mysteries.
This has been a semi-movie review by Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
I am going to do something interesting and combining a blog on a thought of mine, and of others I believe, with a movie review that is connected to that thought. I am doing this review here because Netflix has too many damn restrictions for me to do it there.
I watched the 1999 P.T. Anderson film 'Magnolia' last night. I started at around 11:30 and ended around 2:40 when the movie was over. The plot contains several stories that cannot exist without each other. This is typically called Hyperlink Cinema: a philandering game show host (Phillip Baker Hall) is dying and attempts to find some sort of catharsis while screwing up on said show. The show is a Jeopardy-esque game called "What Do Kids Know". The top kid (Jeremy Blackman), a child prodigy, faces humiliation and sorrow when put in the hands of the cold television people and turned into a gimmick, all for the prosper of his even colder golddigger father. The boy is a lot like a former kid genius, Quiz Kid Donnie Smith (William H. Macy) who, up to his eyeballs in debt, tries to impress a young male bartender. The game show host's estranged daughter (Melora Walters) is a unstable drug addict who is lucky enough to get a date with a sweet as can be police officer (John C. Reilly), who faces belittling because of his low rank, even though she may sabotage this opportunity for happiness.
Meanwhile, a sensitive caretaker (Philip Seymour Hoffman) tries desperately to get in contact with the son of a dying man (Jason Robards). The son turns out to be an eccentric macho informercial man (Tom Cruise) promoting his new book Seduce and Destroy. He is caught in an interview with a persistant reporter (April Grace) who tries to break him down gradually and get past his rather unique barriers. The dying man's disturbed trophy wife (Julliane Moore) is trying to buy a lot of medication and arrange a new deal with her lawyer regarding her husband's will (it's not what you think).
Some of these strange stories intertwine. They are all explosive and dramatic. They are all resolved by the same thing. An act so unbelievable, you will keep talking about it afterward. If you are going to see this movie, don't act pissed or appalled at the way things turned out because the film's narrator implies at the beginning that something like it will happen (though I never would've guessed it would be something of it's caliber). I mean good god, it's incredible, it's biblical, it's gives the term "whatthefuckerry" a place in the english dictionary. And yet still, it ends with some form of grace.
I felt Magnolia was a film about many things: social issues, estranged relationships between children and parents, guilt, regret, redemption, reconcilliation. But the film itself states, by way of a narrator, that everything in it will revolve around one strange occurance. Roger Ebert, a more well known critic, raved about Magnolia as having "operatic ecstasy". I agree. Mixing music with outbursts of passionate emotion does create an opera feel I suppose. Magnolia, maybe more than any other film is an actor's wet dream. Why? Because it is made for an ensemble cast and there is no star. Everyone is given a character that has a fair and equal share of depth and story. The whole cast is superb, literally everyone. The film was nominated for three Oscars: best supporting actor for Tom Cruise, best original screenplay for Anderson, and best song by Aimee Mann. All deserved nominations. The film is extremely well written and directed just as well, Paul Thomas Anderson is a true genius at darkly comedic drama (Boogie Nights, Punch Drunk Love) or just plain epic drama (There Will Be Blood) but he claims that this one is his baby. His all time movie. It is indeed epic, and it's beautiful, and dark, and funny, and sweet, and, heartbreaking, and intricate. It's a little slice of life that has one punchline no one sees coming. It is a five star movie plain and simple. Be warned though, if you can't invest yourself in a movie, you probably shouldn't watch this because it's three hours long, but totally worth it.
In the very beginning of the film, the narrator gives us three stories of remarkable chance, urban legends I suppose: 1) in 1911 a well to do englishman was murdered at his place of business on Greenberry Hill, London by three men who were ironically named Mr. Green, Mr. Berry, and Mr. Hill. Coincidence? In 1983 firefighters put out a forest fire by way of an aerial shower (i don't know the term) and found a dead scuba diver in a tree. The scuba diver was picked up by the plane that put out the fires, he died of a heart attack mid air. Turned out to be a jack of all trades who worked mostly as a blackjack dealer at a casino, he was attacked a few days before his death by a stressed out gambler. The gambler turned out to be the pilot that picked up the diver unkowingly and killed him, overcome with guilt at realizing this later the pilot killed himself. And of course the one I had heard before, in 1958 a guy jumped from the top of an apartment building to commit suicide, but on his way down he was killed by a shotgun blast. Ironically the blast came from the window of his own apartment where his parents were threatening each other with guns and the mother missed and accidentally fired, killing her son as he fell. Even more ironic the son turned out to be the one who loaded the gun prior to jumping the roof, hoping his parents would kill each other in one of their arguements. And even more ironic a safety net had been installed earlier for window cleaners, the net would've broken the son's fall and prevented the suicide, this unfortunately meant the parents went to jail for murder. These stories are all arguably true.
I know what you're thinking. Things like that can't just happen. Something that complex can't just be chance. That's what the film begs: that coincidence is the true myth. Our lives can be affected by accidents of chance or these "coincidences can be considered everyday occurances. Strange things happen in this strange world of ours? Perhaps. They happen as commonly as the rain perhaps. The circle of life involves more than just man and animal. It contains everything we don't see. Why do the clouds in the sky look like things sometimes? Perhaps something provokes them to. Could it be that everything in the world we write off as coincidence and take for granted actually happens for a totally more detailed reason? Not God necessarily, but just something else. These things perhaps happen because nature provokes it. Much like our minds provokes us to do certain things. Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm just caught in the euphoria of a good movie and maybe it all is just one of those unexplainable things that happen for no reason. But what fun is life if we can't develop our own theories of the everlasting mysteries.
This has been a semi-movie review by Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
My Top Ten Evil Henchmen
In movies everyone remembers the villains because the attention is more or less focused on them and the heroes. But a truly diabolical villain always has help. These are the minions who do their bidding. Some of these guys have left an impression on me in my cinematic experiences. Be it an army or one loyal scumbag, this is my top ten evil henchmen.
10. The Foot Ninjas from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
"Attack!"
This is pretty cheesy but, in the live action movie, the Foot Clan had a weird look to them, were particularly brutal, and great in numbers. These guys started out mostly as teenage gangsters who were recruited by Shredder to become ninja warriors. And if that wasn't enough they also fight wise cracking humanoid turtles. They have no real arc except that they are confused and impressionable kids fighting implausible enemies. But still they are on here just because the fights between them and the turtles stuck with me.
9. Oddjob from 007: Goldfinger
"..."
The criminal mastermind Goldfinger entrusted his manservant/assassin Oddjob with James Bond's destruction. Why? Because Oddjob is a master killer. Besides being a brooding silent hulk, he has a hat that can cut off heads. He almost succeeds in killing Bond before being taken down by high voltage electricity. Every other Bond villain's henchman is peculiar and leaves an impression but Oddjob moreso because he was one of the first.
8. The Flying Monkeys from The Wizard of Oz
"FLY! FLY! FLY!"
Yeah, what are regarded as the scariest furry sons of bitches ever put on screen. The flying monkeys are on here for that very reason. I never thought they were scary as much as they were weird. I mean how often do you see winged monkeys in red suits flying down and attacking you. It's like the protagonist took acid and this is whath the bad guys looked like. They are just crazy little bastards. The fear factor still exists today if I'm not mistaken.
7. The Orcs from The Lord of the Rings
"FIND THE HALFLING"
The demons of Middle Earth are made to look as evil as possible and creep us out. It's bad because there is a huge army of them and I wouldn't want to go up against even one. They do the bidding of Suaron and his lieutenant Saruman (who isn't on here because he is a primary villain in my opinion). One orc never just shows up, there are hundreds, maybe thousands altogether. They are vulgur and vicious and a warrior's worst nightmare.
6. Alex's Droogs from A Clockwork Orange
"Yarbols! Great bolshy yarblockos to you!"
Though you can't get more monstrous than Alex, his droogs leave an impression on you themselves. Georgie, Pete and Dim follow his lead reluctantly and enjoy committing insane ultra violence as much as he does but strive to get back at him for what they consider to be cruel and unusual punishment. They do finally get out of line and betray Alex. And later on they are revealed to have become corrupt police officers which is probably one of the most amazing things in this movie. These guys are crazy little bastards and this list wouldn't be complete without them.
5. The Others from Lost
"We're the good guys."
It is kind of unfair to put the Others on this list, because I honestly don't know whether or not they are good or bad. I don't even know where they came from originally yet. Some of them are fair and good but many seem to be willing to do ruthless unorthodox things so I guess I'm mentioning those specific Others. Ethan Rom first of all, he begins as a spy but goes out of his way to capture the pregnant castaway Claire for experimentation I guess (this doesn't go so well). Or Danny Pickett, a brutal bastard who loses his mind after his wife dies. Or Mikhail, the amoral Russian Other who is willing to follow any order and kills viciously. Then finally their de facto leader Ben Linus, who is somewhere around the anti-hero label. The things he does he believes are right but is not above doing wrong: he is responsible for over fifty murders and god knows what else. The Others are still clouded in mystery and their real motives will be explained soon enough I hope.
4. Project Mayham's Space Monkeys from Fight Club
"Do not fuck with us."
I'm sure there is a point in any person's life where they have to look back and ask themselves how they got to the point they are currently at. The members of Project Mayham would have a good laugh. These are average everyday working men who find some guy fighting his imaginary friend. For kicks I suppose, they decide to fight too. This somehow leads to a revolutionary counter culture movement against the system. Going postal on a larger scale. The Space Monkeys are anarchists and terrorists and slaves to their master, the one who started it all. Tyler Durden. Tyler Durden is of course the imaginary friend of said "some guy" who influences and subconciously leads Project Mayham. By the end of the movie, these guys have won and will no doubt continue further. I'm not being paranoid when I say these guys are everywhere because they are everywhere. They are the neighbors, the mailmen, the cops, everyone. Order is no longer safe.
3. The Agents from The Matrix
"Only human."
These are programs designed to keep order within the artifical world that is the matrix. They are dressed like standard stoic g-men who are made with almost zero personality and only designated objectives (with one exception). They look fairly predictable at first, but you will think again after seeing their moves. If they aren't hammering holes in your chest with a desert eagle, the Agents will take you down with a mastery of martial arts, superhuman speed and strength, and the power to escape death. They dodge bullets, punch through concrete, and overwrite the bodies of those still plugged in. This is why they are on this list, though they do have the potentional to go beyond even these abilities and their natural programming.
2. Stormtroopers from Star Wars
"Stop that ship, blast em!"
The stormtroopers originally began as clone warriors made to protect the innocent and help the good guys but their basic functions order them to betray these virtues and serve in the Galactic Empire. These are pretty standard soldier henchmen but they of course left an impression just like everything else in Star Wars. The stormtroopers are trained killers that will do as they are told till the end.
1. The Ring Wraiths from the Lord of The Rings
"SHIRE...BAGGINS..."
These are the mother of all evil minions. Former human kings transformed by the rings and the darkness of their hearts. They exist as the slave warriors of Sauron. Clothed in black cloaks, you never see their faces. They mostly speak in the unholiest shrieks imaginable. Although they carry the high fear factor, the Ring Wraiths are always pretty easy to kill. They go down if you hit them with fire, they go down if you hit them with water and as far as I know swords can do them in just as well. I'd say probably the strongest is the Nasgul. He looks cooler, sounds cooler, and I guess is chosen as Suaron's hand in the last battle. Though the way he dies is just classic. So the Ring Wraiths win as my all time favorite evil henchmen.
This has been another list of badness from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
10. The Foot Ninjas from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
"Attack!"
This is pretty cheesy but, in the live action movie, the Foot Clan had a weird look to them, were particularly brutal, and great in numbers. These guys started out mostly as teenage gangsters who were recruited by Shredder to become ninja warriors. And if that wasn't enough they also fight wise cracking humanoid turtles. They have no real arc except that they are confused and impressionable kids fighting implausible enemies. But still they are on here just because the fights between them and the turtles stuck with me.
9. Oddjob from 007: Goldfinger
"..."
The criminal mastermind Goldfinger entrusted his manservant/assassin Oddjob with James Bond's destruction. Why? Because Oddjob is a master killer. Besides being a brooding silent hulk, he has a hat that can cut off heads. He almost succeeds in killing Bond before being taken down by high voltage electricity. Every other Bond villain's henchman is peculiar and leaves an impression but Oddjob moreso because he was one of the first.
8. The Flying Monkeys from The Wizard of Oz
"FLY! FLY! FLY!"
Yeah, what are regarded as the scariest furry sons of bitches ever put on screen. The flying monkeys are on here for that very reason. I never thought they were scary as much as they were weird. I mean how often do you see winged monkeys in red suits flying down and attacking you. It's like the protagonist took acid and this is whath the bad guys looked like. They are just crazy little bastards. The fear factor still exists today if I'm not mistaken.
7. The Orcs from The Lord of the Rings
"FIND THE HALFLING"
The demons of Middle Earth are made to look as evil as possible and creep us out. It's bad because there is a huge army of them and I wouldn't want to go up against even one. They do the bidding of Suaron and his lieutenant Saruman (who isn't on here because he is a primary villain in my opinion). One orc never just shows up, there are hundreds, maybe thousands altogether. They are vulgur and vicious and a warrior's worst nightmare.
6. Alex's Droogs from A Clockwork Orange
"Yarbols! Great bolshy yarblockos to you!"
Though you can't get more monstrous than Alex, his droogs leave an impression on you themselves. Georgie, Pete and Dim follow his lead reluctantly and enjoy committing insane ultra violence as much as he does but strive to get back at him for what they consider to be cruel and unusual punishment. They do finally get out of line and betray Alex. And later on they are revealed to have become corrupt police officers which is probably one of the most amazing things in this movie. These guys are crazy little bastards and this list wouldn't be complete without them.
5. The Others from Lost
"We're the good guys."
It is kind of unfair to put the Others on this list, because I honestly don't know whether or not they are good or bad. I don't even know where they came from originally yet. Some of them are fair and good but many seem to be willing to do ruthless unorthodox things so I guess I'm mentioning those specific Others. Ethan Rom first of all, he begins as a spy but goes out of his way to capture the pregnant castaway Claire for experimentation I guess (this doesn't go so well). Or Danny Pickett, a brutal bastard who loses his mind after his wife dies. Or Mikhail, the amoral Russian Other who is willing to follow any order and kills viciously. Then finally their de facto leader Ben Linus, who is somewhere around the anti-hero label. The things he does he believes are right but is not above doing wrong: he is responsible for over fifty murders and god knows what else. The Others are still clouded in mystery and their real motives will be explained soon enough I hope.
4. Project Mayham's Space Monkeys from Fight Club
"Do not fuck with us."
I'm sure there is a point in any person's life where they have to look back and ask themselves how they got to the point they are currently at. The members of Project Mayham would have a good laugh. These are average everyday working men who find some guy fighting his imaginary friend. For kicks I suppose, they decide to fight too. This somehow leads to a revolutionary counter culture movement against the system. Going postal on a larger scale. The Space Monkeys are anarchists and terrorists and slaves to their master, the one who started it all. Tyler Durden. Tyler Durden is of course the imaginary friend of said "some guy" who influences and subconciously leads Project Mayham. By the end of the movie, these guys have won and will no doubt continue further. I'm not being paranoid when I say these guys are everywhere because they are everywhere. They are the neighbors, the mailmen, the cops, everyone. Order is no longer safe.
3. The Agents from The Matrix
"Only human."
These are programs designed to keep order within the artifical world that is the matrix. They are dressed like standard stoic g-men who are made with almost zero personality and only designated objectives (with one exception). They look fairly predictable at first, but you will think again after seeing their moves. If they aren't hammering holes in your chest with a desert eagle, the Agents will take you down with a mastery of martial arts, superhuman speed and strength, and the power to escape death. They dodge bullets, punch through concrete, and overwrite the bodies of those still plugged in. This is why they are on this list, though they do have the potentional to go beyond even these abilities and their natural programming.
2. Stormtroopers from Star Wars
"Stop that ship, blast em!"
The stormtroopers originally began as clone warriors made to protect the innocent and help the good guys but their basic functions order them to betray these virtues and serve in the Galactic Empire. These are pretty standard soldier henchmen but they of course left an impression just like everything else in Star Wars. The stormtroopers are trained killers that will do as they are told till the end.
1. The Ring Wraiths from the Lord of The Rings
"SHIRE...BAGGINS..."
These are the mother of all evil minions. Former human kings transformed by the rings and the darkness of their hearts. They exist as the slave warriors of Sauron. Clothed in black cloaks, you never see their faces. They mostly speak in the unholiest shrieks imaginable. Although they carry the high fear factor, the Ring Wraiths are always pretty easy to kill. They go down if you hit them with fire, they go down if you hit them with water and as far as I know swords can do them in just as well. I'd say probably the strongest is the Nasgul. He looks cooler, sounds cooler, and I guess is chosen as Suaron's hand in the last battle. Though the way he dies is just classic. So the Ring Wraiths win as my all time favorite evil henchmen.
This has been another list of badness from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The Way of the Blog
"A well executed blog campaign is not rocket science. It is, however, an act of love. That's what gets in the way for some people. Love is scary stuff." - Hugh McLeod
I don't know who Hugh McLeod is but dammit I needed a quote on blogging from somebody. This post will state simply, well mostly simply, why I do what I do. And what I do is blog obviously. I like getting my opinions out like most people, so what better way I thought. But as you probably suspected it isn't that simple. Kick back and read what may soon be the number one post skipped in my blog: A Look back at Your Modest Guru.
I won't tell you my real name 1) because you probably already know it and 2) because I believe in anonimity and would not want some crazy person who disagreed with me to discover my whereabouts and unload a pistol magazine into my skull. That does happen these days, but I'm sure it's President Obama's fault (sarcastic tone). Moving on, I have for a long time wanted to be a writer. It's my dream career, writing a book or writing and directing films. I have tried my hand at screenplays, short stories, poetry, and songs and have racked up some small amount of talent (if only I could find someone who would take the time to read them). However, I also had an interest in being an essayist, which means pretty much writing long essays about everyday issues through my eyes or my own personal thoughts and views. Luckily my mother introduced me to BLOGS (god I probably wouldn't even have realized the earth was round if not for her and...That's pretty sad). This site was just what I needed. A place to continually vent my frustrations, opinions, thoughts, arguements and angst out into writing. It is somewhat relieving. That is a sadness as well, that as an American I feel all of that just compacted poorly into my mind, slipping through the cracks. Oh well, I may not be able to let it all out because even if I let people know it is still with me always and you knowing how I feel doesn't make me feel any different. Unfortunately, as of late I believe there are few people actually coming to this blog and I have only one sole subscriber. By the time a solid number of people actually read this post there will more than likely be about fifty more above it. Oh well, it's not really about you reading my posts but about me posting them to, again, vent my thoughts.
There are few people outside of my close family that I can talk to about some the things I rant about on this blog so that is one thing helpful about this. Some people either won't understand or they will totally bash me and contradict me to no end and being the peaceful little bastard I am I don't want to do that with people I'd more or less like to be cool with. Some people just can't accept good old fashioned constitutional rights. Take it all away for a few days and I guaren-goddamn-tee they'd appreciate it a helluva lot more. Opinions are important and work out quite well within blogs because frankly anyone anywhere can agree or disagree with you without no real reprecussions. I mean you're not face to face with them, so all it does is give you a clear idea of how many people think like you do and how many people do not. Pretty nifty, if you ask me. Hells to the yeah.
So to the very, very, very, very, very few people who read this commentary on all things inconsistant, I thank you a million times over for reading and continuing to do so as Your Modest Guru will more than likely be doing this for many years of his life when he should be doing more important things like getting an education or finding work. Although it is up to you to help build my fanbase (if you could call it that) and gain me more attention. Because as you may not have known I am an advertising whore with a crave for attention. No not really, but some more readers would be rather delightful. I appreciate the readers who follow me entranced or do so out of boredom or feel I should be a politician or crave a gallous sense of humour or the long ass segments that I am even currently doing right now or just understand what the hell it may be I'm trying to get across thank you for doing so and continue to do so even if you're parents tell you not to (you may need to kill them to maintain your dedication to the Guru). And to the people who think I'm full of shit and should shut my hole permanently...Sigh...You're gonna make me do something horrible and that is pull a Bill O'Reilly Moment (according any thesuarus, this phrase technically means a brutal episode in which the thoughts Bill O'Reilly has while on the air of his Fox News show break loose and are inflicted on the helpless)..."BLOW ME YOU HEATHEN SONSABITCHES!!! 'ME SHUT UP', YOU SHUT UP!!! I'M RIGHT!!! YOU'RE WRONG!!! ME: RIGHT, YOU: WRONG!!! IT MAKES SO MUCH FUCKIN SENSE HAHAHAHAHA!!! I'M EXERCISING MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH BITCH!!! THAT MAKES ME A PROPHET!!! WHAT NOW?!!! LISTEN TO ME OBEY ME DO AS I COMMAND FLS4FHRRFE8RT15KAR16ACVASD23XRTR;TRDFHR;42MWAHAHAHAHA!!! "
...
I'm sorry about that I know it was painful. God knows it was painful. Obviously that was pure humour and I don't think like that. It was merely a chance to give a taste of the horror that exists within the mind of media personality Bill O'Reilly...My god...Uh, anyway to all of the haters feel free to think of me and my views as you wish but before you make that decision take the time to consider those views before you pass judgement on me. Your Modest Guru is only a mousy American who thinks a little too much. Still you are the people who in all reality tell me how I can do what I do better and I must thank you for that and for the taking the time to at least read some passages from my blog.
This has been a heads up from Your Modest Guru about Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
I don't know who Hugh McLeod is but dammit I needed a quote on blogging from somebody. This post will state simply, well mostly simply, why I do what I do. And what I do is blog obviously. I like getting my opinions out like most people, so what better way I thought. But as you probably suspected it isn't that simple. Kick back and read what may soon be the number one post skipped in my blog: A Look back at Your Modest Guru.
I won't tell you my real name 1) because you probably already know it and 2) because I believe in anonimity and would not want some crazy person who disagreed with me to discover my whereabouts and unload a pistol magazine into my skull. That does happen these days, but I'm sure it's President Obama's fault (sarcastic tone). Moving on, I have for a long time wanted to be a writer. It's my dream career, writing a book or writing and directing films. I have tried my hand at screenplays, short stories, poetry, and songs and have racked up some small amount of talent (if only I could find someone who would take the time to read them). However, I also had an interest in being an essayist, which means pretty much writing long essays about everyday issues through my eyes or my own personal thoughts and views. Luckily my mother introduced me to BLOGS (god I probably wouldn't even have realized the earth was round if not for her and...That's pretty sad). This site was just what I needed. A place to continually vent my frustrations, opinions, thoughts, arguements and angst out into writing. It is somewhat relieving. That is a sadness as well, that as an American I feel all of that just compacted poorly into my mind, slipping through the cracks. Oh well, I may not be able to let it all out because even if I let people know it is still with me always and you knowing how I feel doesn't make me feel any different. Unfortunately, as of late I believe there are few people actually coming to this blog and I have only one sole subscriber. By the time a solid number of people actually read this post there will more than likely be about fifty more above it. Oh well, it's not really about you reading my posts but about me posting them to, again, vent my thoughts.
There are few people outside of my close family that I can talk to about some the things I rant about on this blog so that is one thing helpful about this. Some people either won't understand or they will totally bash me and contradict me to no end and being the peaceful little bastard I am I don't want to do that with people I'd more or less like to be cool with. Some people just can't accept good old fashioned constitutional rights. Take it all away for a few days and I guaren-goddamn-tee they'd appreciate it a helluva lot more. Opinions are important and work out quite well within blogs because frankly anyone anywhere can agree or disagree with you without no real reprecussions. I mean you're not face to face with them, so all it does is give you a clear idea of how many people think like you do and how many people do not. Pretty nifty, if you ask me. Hells to the yeah.
So to the very, very, very, very, very few people who read this commentary on all things inconsistant, I thank you a million times over for reading and continuing to do so as Your Modest Guru will more than likely be doing this for many years of his life when he should be doing more important things like getting an education or finding work. Although it is up to you to help build my fanbase (if you could call it that) and gain me more attention. Because as you may not have known I am an advertising whore with a crave for attention. No not really, but some more readers would be rather delightful. I appreciate the readers who follow me entranced or do so out of boredom or feel I should be a politician or crave a gallous sense of humour or the long ass segments that I am even currently doing right now or just understand what the hell it may be I'm trying to get across thank you for doing so and continue to do so even if you're parents tell you not to (you may need to kill them to maintain your dedication to the Guru). And to the people who think I'm full of shit and should shut my hole permanently...Sigh...You're gonna make me do something horrible and that is pull a Bill O'Reilly Moment (according any thesuarus, this phrase technically means a brutal episode in which the thoughts Bill O'Reilly has while on the air of his Fox News show break loose and are inflicted on the helpless)..."BLOW ME YOU HEATHEN SONSABITCHES!!! 'ME SHUT UP', YOU SHUT UP!!! I'M RIGHT!!! YOU'RE WRONG!!! ME: RIGHT, YOU: WRONG!!! IT MAKES SO MUCH FUCKIN SENSE HAHAHAHAHA!!! I'M EXERCISING MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH BITCH!!! THAT MAKES ME A PROPHET!!! WHAT NOW?!!! LISTEN TO ME OBEY ME DO AS I COMMAND FLS4FHRRFE8RT15KAR16ACVASD23XRTR;TRDFHR;42MWAHAHAHAHA!!! "
...
I'm sorry about that I know it was painful. God knows it was painful. Obviously that was pure humour and I don't think like that. It was merely a chance to give a taste of the horror that exists within the mind of media personality Bill O'Reilly...My god...Uh, anyway to all of the haters feel free to think of me and my views as you wish but before you make that decision take the time to consider those views before you pass judgement on me. Your Modest Guru is only a mousy American who thinks a little too much. Still you are the people who in all reality tell me how I can do what I do better and I must thank you for that and for the taking the time to at least read some passages from my blog.
This has been a heads up from Your Modest Guru about Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Your Modest Guru and the Meaning of Life
"I don't believe in God, but I envy those who do." - Jack Nicholson
Oh yes this is a topic of my most heated arguements with both believers and nonbelievers. Religion or God or an Afterlife. How to word this?... First off I guess you could call me an agnostic (or the pussy who doesn't wanna make waves with either side). I'd like to think of myself as more of a humanist. I also go through periods of nighilism, existenialism, and often absurdism. I will state plainly that I do not prepose to know that one side is right and the other is wrong. I don't claim to know what is true and what is not. I don't think anybody really knows. It is a bit stupid that I titled this post "The Meaning of Life". Because I honestly don't know what the meaning of life is. Maybe it is all a divine journey as stated in biblical text where the good transcend to a higher place, the bad descend into a realm of unimaginable pain and the uncertain are forgotten in a constant state of limbo. Perhaps life simply is the cosmic conicidence originating from some kind of primordial soup that made dead matter living matter that just changed again and again for millions of years and humanity just exists simply because evolution has reached this stage. Those are both pretty wild theories that are apparently becoming more credible each day. Either theory appeals to me as much as it does not I guess.
I suppose I find it most entertaining when the Christianists repeatedly try to shove it in my face. I mean it's like a drug PSA, you cannot watch TV without running into one. It's bound to come up and when it does there will be no end to it. No one can accept the policy of "to each his own". The thing I don't get is that these guys are never really clear on why they are trying to impose their faith on me. I mean, is it because they are concerned about me? Are they confused as to why I don't roll with their group? Are they threatened by the prospect that someone isn't laying back and accepting like some helpless rape victim (I know a very odd analogy)? I would believe my relatives would be concerned or afraid for my crossing over into their idea of hell but it is hard for me to believe that some friends or acquaintances are. I think they just want me to admit I'm wrong when I, like them, don't even know I'm right. So much happens. And even in a country where one can live as he or she chooses you can't escape the total chastising that comes with agreeing or disagreeing or agreeing to disagree. No one will ever think like you one hundred percent. I respect those who can practice what they believe in peacefully and if someone wants to join them they should out of their own free will. I admire the religious. I would only appreciate it some of them would not try to enforce their thoughts onto me because if I wanted to find religion I would find it myself (or maybe god would show me the way).
To please the believers I won't bash them first and will instead bash the nonbelievers. From what I've seen, atheists totally disagree with the whole spiritual genesis surrounding creation. They believe either it was clear cut evolution, always has been and always will be or they're like me and admit they don't know for sure. It is just as insensitive to just say someone is ignorant or stupid and say they are wrong. I won't lie, the evolution concept makes some sense to me but in another way so does the bible. I mean they are both really intricate with their details and always stick to their guns. Evolution has provided explanations for a great many things that I had before only wrote off as "pure mother nature". The whole point of my disagreement between these groups is that it is too damn easy to just write something off as wrong and another something right. We need to keep open minds and be open to all possible ideas. Take theories and consider them but don't hold to them unless all the evidence is in sight.
What I find most upsetting about the bible is the fact that it holds all of the answers. Plain, simple, unsatisfying answers. It's just too easy for people to say "it happened like this" and one book read later they can say "see I was right." Don't get me wrong, to some people it may seem cool. All these miracles, water walking, all the gory violence throughout, and let's not forget the greatest construction job in the history of history; I mean on a whim pretty much: earth! That may be cool to some but I think it'd be like much longer version of building a website: it is very long, very complex and very detailed and it might need constant improvements. I cannot forget my biggest complaint with religion as a whole. I grew up loving dinosaurs, I loved Jurassic Park since I was old enough to love anything and what pisses me off about religion is they claim that the entire jurassic period never happened because, of course, the earth is only 6,000 years old. That is unacceptable, and I know it's dumb but hey there's still a kid somewhere deep down in myself.
Both of these things are hard to swallow for me I guess, but I guess your mom feels the same way (sorry that was a cheap way to get in a joke, but I needed to lighten the mood of this post). I don't know. As wise as I sound, the truth is Your Modest Guru is only an American kid suffering from teen angst and confusion and my theories and ideas change as fast as the wind. But I had this idea. An idea where everyone walked outside and people approached each other and they just, for no apparent reason, apologized for the things they've said to each other and go through a long period "you were right" and "no you were right" on and on until they decide it is late, it's getting cold and they smile or shake hands and go back inside and the next day they would all be content with the fact that they didn't care anymore and could just take comfort in the fact that they could see themselves as people they know. People they hate, or love, or have fun with, or work with, or talk with and not as christians or atheists or agnostics or any kind of ism that exists. It's a lame idea I know but that would be nice even if it only lasted a short time. People will try to get me to join up with their groups or maybe just show me what it is all about and see if I like it and I may not like it but I can at least get used to it. I can accept that they believe this and odds are they will never stop believing, but they may not be able to accept that I may never believe it and maybe I never will. The Meaning of Life, if we ever find out, will most likely be more complicated and awe inspiring and remarkable than anything we could imagine. That's my opinion. But that's the whole thing. The Meaning of Life is a mystery. Life is a mystery. And maybe, just maybe, we cross the border between life and death, after that split second where our life flashes before our dying eyes, we get one more second. And in that second the entire answer is revealed and our reaction is priceless. Like the twist to a good movie, we will bring ourselves to smile or gasp and shout "No way!" over and over.
I will end off this long ass post that will most likely be controversial or thought provoking to readers (I'm pulling for the ladder) by telling you what my religion of choice would be. It would be compilation. The bastard child of an unprotected one night stand orgy consisting of every major religion that would grow to become more powerful than any religion ever conceived. People would bow. People would cheer. God, or Buddha, or Allah, or Jesus, or anything that people worship will come to worship this MEGA FAITH!!! Maybe then, when this groundbreaking practice of utter spiritualism hits, everyone on earth or in the universe will come together and will be compelled to look up at the sky and say what I always say because I can never figure out what's it all about or if something really spectacular is happening in the greatest distance:..."Huh"...
This has been a long and deep discussion on a hot topic from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Oh yes this is a topic of my most heated arguements with both believers and nonbelievers. Religion or God or an Afterlife. How to word this?... First off I guess you could call me an agnostic (or the pussy who doesn't wanna make waves with either side). I'd like to think of myself as more of a humanist. I also go through periods of nighilism, existenialism, and often absurdism. I will state plainly that I do not prepose to know that one side is right and the other is wrong. I don't claim to know what is true and what is not. I don't think anybody really knows. It is a bit stupid that I titled this post "The Meaning of Life". Because I honestly don't know what the meaning of life is. Maybe it is all a divine journey as stated in biblical text where the good transcend to a higher place, the bad descend into a realm of unimaginable pain and the uncertain are forgotten in a constant state of limbo. Perhaps life simply is the cosmic conicidence originating from some kind of primordial soup that made dead matter living matter that just changed again and again for millions of years and humanity just exists simply because evolution has reached this stage. Those are both pretty wild theories that are apparently becoming more credible each day. Either theory appeals to me as much as it does not I guess.
I suppose I find it most entertaining when the Christianists repeatedly try to shove it in my face. I mean it's like a drug PSA, you cannot watch TV without running into one. It's bound to come up and when it does there will be no end to it. No one can accept the policy of "to each his own". The thing I don't get is that these guys are never really clear on why they are trying to impose their faith on me. I mean, is it because they are concerned about me? Are they confused as to why I don't roll with their group? Are they threatened by the prospect that someone isn't laying back and accepting like some helpless rape victim (I know a very odd analogy)? I would believe my relatives would be concerned or afraid for my crossing over into their idea of hell but it is hard for me to believe that some friends or acquaintances are. I think they just want me to admit I'm wrong when I, like them, don't even know I'm right. So much happens. And even in a country where one can live as he or she chooses you can't escape the total chastising that comes with agreeing or disagreeing or agreeing to disagree. No one will ever think like you one hundred percent. I respect those who can practice what they believe in peacefully and if someone wants to join them they should out of their own free will. I admire the religious. I would only appreciate it some of them would not try to enforce their thoughts onto me because if I wanted to find religion I would find it myself (or maybe god would show me the way).
To please the believers I won't bash them first and will instead bash the nonbelievers. From what I've seen, atheists totally disagree with the whole spiritual genesis surrounding creation. They believe either it was clear cut evolution, always has been and always will be or they're like me and admit they don't know for sure. It is just as insensitive to just say someone is ignorant or stupid and say they are wrong. I won't lie, the evolution concept makes some sense to me but in another way so does the bible. I mean they are both really intricate with their details and always stick to their guns. Evolution has provided explanations for a great many things that I had before only wrote off as "pure mother nature". The whole point of my disagreement between these groups is that it is too damn easy to just write something off as wrong and another something right. We need to keep open minds and be open to all possible ideas. Take theories and consider them but don't hold to them unless all the evidence is in sight.
What I find most upsetting about the bible is the fact that it holds all of the answers. Plain, simple, unsatisfying answers. It's just too easy for people to say "it happened like this" and one book read later they can say "see I was right." Don't get me wrong, to some people it may seem cool. All these miracles, water walking, all the gory violence throughout, and let's not forget the greatest construction job in the history of history; I mean on a whim pretty much: earth! That may be cool to some but I think it'd be like much longer version of building a website: it is very long, very complex and very detailed and it might need constant improvements. I cannot forget my biggest complaint with religion as a whole. I grew up loving dinosaurs, I loved Jurassic Park since I was old enough to love anything and what pisses me off about religion is they claim that the entire jurassic period never happened because, of course, the earth is only 6,000 years old. That is unacceptable, and I know it's dumb but hey there's still a kid somewhere deep down in myself.
Both of these things are hard to swallow for me I guess, but I guess your mom feels the same way (sorry that was a cheap way to get in a joke, but I needed to lighten the mood of this post). I don't know. As wise as I sound, the truth is Your Modest Guru is only an American kid suffering from teen angst and confusion and my theories and ideas change as fast as the wind. But I had this idea. An idea where everyone walked outside and people approached each other and they just, for no apparent reason, apologized for the things they've said to each other and go through a long period "you were right" and "no you were right" on and on until they decide it is late, it's getting cold and they smile or shake hands and go back inside and the next day they would all be content with the fact that they didn't care anymore and could just take comfort in the fact that they could see themselves as people they know. People they hate, or love, or have fun with, or work with, or talk with and not as christians or atheists or agnostics or any kind of ism that exists. It's a lame idea I know but that would be nice even if it only lasted a short time. People will try to get me to join up with their groups or maybe just show me what it is all about and see if I like it and I may not like it but I can at least get used to it. I can accept that they believe this and odds are they will never stop believing, but they may not be able to accept that I may never believe it and maybe I never will. The Meaning of Life, if we ever find out, will most likely be more complicated and awe inspiring and remarkable than anything we could imagine. That's my opinion. But that's the whole thing. The Meaning of Life is a mystery. Life is a mystery. And maybe, just maybe, we cross the border between life and death, after that split second where our life flashes before our dying eyes, we get one more second. And in that second the entire answer is revealed and our reaction is priceless. Like the twist to a good movie, we will bring ourselves to smile or gasp and shout "No way!" over and over.
I will end off this long ass post that will most likely be controversial or thought provoking to readers (I'm pulling for the ladder) by telling you what my religion of choice would be. It would be compilation. The bastard child of an unprotected one night stand orgy consisting of every major religion that would grow to become more powerful than any religion ever conceived. People would bow. People would cheer. God, or Buddha, or Allah, or Jesus, or anything that people worship will come to worship this MEGA FAITH!!! Maybe then, when this groundbreaking practice of utter spiritualism hits, everyone on earth or in the universe will come together and will be compelled to look up at the sky and say what I always say because I can never figure out what's it all about or if something really spectacular is happening in the greatest distance:..."Huh"...
This has been a long and deep discussion on a hot topic from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Terminating With Extreme Prejudice...For Dummies
"Corruption and hypocrisy ought not be inevitbable products of democracy, as they undoubtedly are today." - Mahatma Gandhi
It's amazing the things I can learn from this thing called "News". For awhile now there's been some controversy regarding former vice president and tyrant Dick Cheney (surprise, surprise) and the CIA's covering up of a supposed plan to assassinate Al Queda members, including Osama Bin Laden. As liberal as I am, I honestly wouldn't even have another thought about taking the opportunity to kill Osama Bin Laden or anyone else involved in the attacks on our country. I don't think any American would. A man who orchestrated the attacks on September 11, 2001 and murdered countless people. If only we had just done this first instead of killing more innocent people and starting a war. That's something I also find sad: whenever an enemy attacks us we don't respond by just killing the enemy, but we respond by murdering their innocent countrymen who weren't involved whatsoever or in this case murdering people in the wrong country entirely. There's being a guilty coward and then there's being an OUTRIGHT PUSSY!!!
So yeah, I at first had no real problem with this plot against Al Queda, it would've been a load off my conscience. But the fact is that Cheney and the CIA lied (surprise, surprise) and tried to covertly kill these people illegitimatally, or illegally. This means it wasn't a just operation but a straight hit. They did not notify the public and went against their own code and conduct. Some people, some ignorant people won't mind this as they still believe Cheney is an almighty warrior of purity who will save their small little world. Guess what, Richard Cheney is a monster, he is honest to god scary. The Central Intelligence Agency is a wild card club of hitmen and backstabbers who have all of the tools and all of the power. These days the people with the most power are unfortunately corrupt. Hope that changes in years to come.
Oh and if you were gonna get caught couldn't you have at least done it after you killed those people? As nefarious as Cheney is, he was never that bright. But then was anybody in the Bush White House really that bright?...No, no they weren't.
This has been some light that needed shedding from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
It's amazing the things I can learn from this thing called "News". For awhile now there's been some controversy regarding former vice president and tyrant Dick Cheney (surprise, surprise) and the CIA's covering up of a supposed plan to assassinate Al Queda members, including Osama Bin Laden. As liberal as I am, I honestly wouldn't even have another thought about taking the opportunity to kill Osama Bin Laden or anyone else involved in the attacks on our country. I don't think any American would. A man who orchestrated the attacks on September 11, 2001 and murdered countless people. If only we had just done this first instead of killing more innocent people and starting a war. That's something I also find sad: whenever an enemy attacks us we don't respond by just killing the enemy, but we respond by murdering their innocent countrymen who weren't involved whatsoever or in this case murdering people in the wrong country entirely. There's being a guilty coward and then there's being an OUTRIGHT PUSSY!!!
So yeah, I at first had no real problem with this plot against Al Queda, it would've been a load off my conscience. But the fact is that Cheney and the CIA lied (surprise, surprise) and tried to covertly kill these people illegitimatally, or illegally. This means it wasn't a just operation but a straight hit. They did not notify the public and went against their own code and conduct. Some people, some ignorant people won't mind this as they still believe Cheney is an almighty warrior of purity who will save their small little world. Guess what, Richard Cheney is a monster, he is honest to god scary. The Central Intelligence Agency is a wild card club of hitmen and backstabbers who have all of the tools and all of the power. These days the people with the most power are unfortunately corrupt. Hope that changes in years to come.
Oh and if you were gonna get caught couldn't you have at least done it after you killed those people? As nefarious as Cheney is, he was never that bright. But then was anybody in the Bush White House really that bright?...No, no they weren't.
This has been some light that needed shedding from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Dream Jobs, The Future, and You
"The future will be better tomorrow." - Dan Quayle
I saw in a recent news segment that people are handling the current economic crisis by doing the things they love. Guy loves playing video games, he says "hell, this has been my life for most of my pre adult years, why not this be my job." So he takes that to heart and becomes a game designer. He makes some $40,000 each year. So I guess the message this segment was trying to get across is in the future you're more likely to succeed if you do what you love for a living.
Maybe if you love fishing, become a professional fisherman. Catch fish, gut them and sell them to restaurants. Maybe get a show where you catch the biggest type of fish in a specific area. If you like ice cream be an ice cream man, hell start an ice cream company and outdue Blue Bunny or Custards. You like playing pretend gunfighting as a kid but figured you were to old for it now, guess what you aren't. You can still play gunfights...It just won't be pretend. Yeah join the military if you wanna shoot things. Or be a hitman. Or better yet be a hunter, where it's legal and you'll have the comfort of knowing that the animal can't possibly fight back...Dick. You like gossip and continuosly shoving your opinions down people's throats? Than be a blogger like me or that other douchebag...Perez Hilton. Oh heavens, how I hate that hypocritical little slut. You must be passionate about something and apparently this will help you in the future working world. Seeing as how everyone's passionate about sex, I'd say the prostitution and rape rate will be increasing more and more if this catches on in years to come. God bless America.
I would recommend choosing an occupation that pays generously but not overly and stick with it until you find something even better or they realize they made a mistake hiring you. That will happen don't lie to yourself. No one can deny that things are pretty bad right now, and if there is a position take it and don't cop out like a little bitch and whine "I would if it weren't for them damned immigrants!" I mean honestly, I've never heard of this many people complaining that someone else is doing their work for them. And don't lie to yourself and say that in these times you wouldn't sell your fellow man down the river to feed your family because that's what immigrants and anyone else whose gotta eat would do unless you have this unbreakable code of honor (which, knowing Americans, is unlikely.)
Things have been bad, they didn't just get bad. The assholes from the last decade have left a serious pile of shit for the new guys to clean up. But it will nevertheless get cleaned and things will look up for us. Jobs will open, the war will cease, hell gas prices may even be fair. The sun always shines and in the next few years I think it might shine as bright as it did at the dawn of this country. We are no doubt the most powerful country in the world, and that's pretty hard title to lose as fast as they say.
So in closing stand up straight, eat your vegetables, stay in school, don't do too many drugs, or bang too many people and you might just catch a break.
This has been a some opinionated news from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
I saw in a recent news segment that people are handling the current economic crisis by doing the things they love. Guy loves playing video games, he says "hell, this has been my life for most of my pre adult years, why not this be my job." So he takes that to heart and becomes a game designer. He makes some $40,000 each year. So I guess the message this segment was trying to get across is in the future you're more likely to succeed if you do what you love for a living.
Maybe if you love fishing, become a professional fisherman. Catch fish, gut them and sell them to restaurants. Maybe get a show where you catch the biggest type of fish in a specific area. If you like ice cream be an ice cream man, hell start an ice cream company and outdue Blue Bunny or Custards. You like playing pretend gunfighting as a kid but figured you were to old for it now, guess what you aren't. You can still play gunfights...It just won't be pretend. Yeah join the military if you wanna shoot things. Or be a hitman. Or better yet be a hunter, where it's legal and you'll have the comfort of knowing that the animal can't possibly fight back...Dick. You like gossip and continuosly shoving your opinions down people's throats? Than be a blogger like me or that other douchebag...Perez Hilton. Oh heavens, how I hate that hypocritical little slut. You must be passionate about something and apparently this will help you in the future working world. Seeing as how everyone's passionate about sex, I'd say the prostitution and rape rate will be increasing more and more if this catches on in years to come. God bless America.
I would recommend choosing an occupation that pays generously but not overly and stick with it until you find something even better or they realize they made a mistake hiring you. That will happen don't lie to yourself. No one can deny that things are pretty bad right now, and if there is a position take it and don't cop out like a little bitch and whine "I would if it weren't for them damned immigrants!" I mean honestly, I've never heard of this many people complaining that someone else is doing their work for them. And don't lie to yourself and say that in these times you wouldn't sell your fellow man down the river to feed your family because that's what immigrants and anyone else whose gotta eat would do unless you have this unbreakable code of honor (which, knowing Americans, is unlikely.)
Things have been bad, they didn't just get bad. The assholes from the last decade have left a serious pile of shit for the new guys to clean up. But it will nevertheless get cleaned and things will look up for us. Jobs will open, the war will cease, hell gas prices may even be fair. The sun always shines and in the next few years I think it might shine as bright as it did at the dawn of this country. We are no doubt the most powerful country in the world, and that's pretty hard title to lose as fast as they say.
So in closing stand up straight, eat your vegetables, stay in school, don't do too many drugs, or bang too many people and you might just catch a break.
This has been a some opinionated news from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Gullibility, Man's Ultimate Flaw
"He who does not punish evil, commands it to be done." - Leonardo da Vinci
The title is ambiguous, I know and I don't care. It suits this post. For this post is about none other than the American treasure known as Jim Jones. Jones was a man of fate who gathered the many, many totally willful people of his church into South America where they formed a cute little society where people for a long time existed in an orderly, happy environment that was full of strict rules, no leaving, frequent beatings of the insolent, and eventually murder and mass suicide! Sounds like total fun right?...You know come to think it Jim Jones was kind of strange and so were the people following him. Actually come to think of it, Jim Jones was a fucking maniac who turned others into maniacs. No, no, no, don't lock your doors, there's no need for he too died long ago on the border between the 70s and 80s. Then again, several other people similar to Jones are still alive and some even loose. So yeah it probably would be best to lock your doors.
But seriously, Jim Jones a religious fanatic who started out as a faith healer and gained wide praise from many of the little people of the practice. Some would even give up their original practice in favor of Jones' own freakishly unsettling brand of religion. But honestly I've gotta say who would trust a man who always wears aviators, sweats profusely, expresses an unpredictable, and laughs like a rabid hyena cackles. Anyway this new form of sunday services soon led to Jimmy Giggles taking all of his followers down into Guyana of South America where he set up JonesTown, a place of solitude for him and his people. Jimmy gets a little ahead of himself while in the midst of this power trip and begins becoming threatening anyone who acts like a sensible human being and sicks the rest of the herd on them. Suicide practice was not uncommon, and unquestioned. Inevitably though, people did leave and inform the press of what was going on at JonesTown. This led to an investigation that inevitably brought people to JonesTown without Jonesy's knowledge and, when others wished to leave, he soon went insane and attempted to kill the newcomers. He only succeeded in killing half of the team before deciding that he'd had his fun and scrap the entire project. Though he wouldn't be able to come back to it due to the fact that within the next half hour the entire population of JonesTown who stayed loyal to Jones were killed. Men, women, children, families, loners, elderly. All dead, due to lethally poisoned kool aid they all drank. It was one of the worst, if not THE worst case of American mass suicide.
So readers what is your impression of Jimmy so far:
A. Straight up gentleman and American Hero.
B. Flawed but otherwise exceptional
C. Batshit crazy
D. Generic Jim Jones Hyena Cackle
Comment back with your answer, but remember if you picked anything other than C you are either an irritable prick or a psychopath who is no better than Jim Jones himself. You are a disgrace to your fellow man and should be hung from a tree by your thumbs. If you did pick C you are either a genius, moderately intelligent, dumb but moral, or an otherwise sane human being.
You know I love a little senseless violence in the form of entertainment (preferrably a Bruce Willis movie). I like it to involve explosions, guns, cars, women, suspense, intensity, and little CGI. Then it will be clear that it is pure fun and fantasy. But though when people have gone so far off from common sense that they actually believe that killing themselves and their children is the right thing to do, that's when you taste reality and it tastes sick and disturbing. Honestly, these people must have really been driven insane to do this because I don't even think a Christian would kill their kid if their pastor said that God asked them to. These people believed in Jones and what Jones said more than they believed in love or life and when that happens you better believe things will explode.
The fact is Jim Jones is prime example of the gullibility of humans. If we are confused or lost or just wanna believe something by god we will. You listen to someone long enough and aren't told any different you will believe him. A former JonesTown member lucky enought to leave before the self eradication claimed that the people there, the followers were good and decent people of faith. I may be inclined to agree about them being good and decent but there faith was wrong. Any faith that bottoms out with you slitting your child's throat is wrong. The people who listened to Jones entranced with his sermons and shit probably never once actually looked at him to try to notice something about him that did not have to do with said sermons. The dedicated people, if some of them did they probably didn't want to believe it. It would have ruined the illusion they made for themselves. People love illusion. The illusion of grandeur I'm sure they saw in him when he was up at the mic. We can't follow blindly is all I am saying. We need to look closer at people because, shameful to say, not all people are good.
In closing Jim Jones can burn in hell forever and my condolences go out to the people who lost loved ones at JonesTown.
This has been my thoughts on a tragic tale from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
The title is ambiguous, I know and I don't care. It suits this post. For this post is about none other than the American treasure known as Jim Jones. Jones was a man of fate who gathered the many, many totally willful people of his church into South America where they formed a cute little society where people for a long time existed in an orderly, happy environment that was full of strict rules, no leaving, frequent beatings of the insolent, and eventually murder and mass suicide! Sounds like total fun right?...You know come to think it Jim Jones was kind of strange and so were the people following him. Actually come to think of it, Jim Jones was a fucking maniac who turned others into maniacs. No, no, no, don't lock your doors, there's no need for he too died long ago on the border between the 70s and 80s. Then again, several other people similar to Jones are still alive and some even loose. So yeah it probably would be best to lock your doors.
But seriously, Jim Jones a religious fanatic who started out as a faith healer and gained wide praise from many of the little people of the practice. Some would even give up their original practice in favor of Jones' own freakishly unsettling brand of religion. But honestly I've gotta say who would trust a man who always wears aviators, sweats profusely, expresses an unpredictable, and laughs like a rabid hyena cackles. Anyway this new form of sunday services soon led to Jimmy Giggles taking all of his followers down into Guyana of South America where he set up JonesTown, a place of solitude for him and his people. Jimmy gets a little ahead of himself while in the midst of this power trip and begins becoming threatening anyone who acts like a sensible human being and sicks the rest of the herd on them. Suicide practice was not uncommon, and unquestioned. Inevitably though, people did leave and inform the press of what was going on at JonesTown. This led to an investigation that inevitably brought people to JonesTown without Jonesy's knowledge and, when others wished to leave, he soon went insane and attempted to kill the newcomers. He only succeeded in killing half of the team before deciding that he'd had his fun and scrap the entire project. Though he wouldn't be able to come back to it due to the fact that within the next half hour the entire population of JonesTown who stayed loyal to Jones were killed. Men, women, children, families, loners, elderly. All dead, due to lethally poisoned kool aid they all drank. It was one of the worst, if not THE worst case of American mass suicide.
So readers what is your impression of Jimmy so far:
A. Straight up gentleman and American Hero.
B. Flawed but otherwise exceptional
C. Batshit crazy
D. Generic Jim Jones Hyena Cackle
Comment back with your answer, but remember if you picked anything other than C you are either an irritable prick or a psychopath who is no better than Jim Jones himself. You are a disgrace to your fellow man and should be hung from a tree by your thumbs. If you did pick C you are either a genius, moderately intelligent, dumb but moral, or an otherwise sane human being.
You know I love a little senseless violence in the form of entertainment (preferrably a Bruce Willis movie). I like it to involve explosions, guns, cars, women, suspense, intensity, and little CGI. Then it will be clear that it is pure fun and fantasy. But though when people have gone so far off from common sense that they actually believe that killing themselves and their children is the right thing to do, that's when you taste reality and it tastes sick and disturbing. Honestly, these people must have really been driven insane to do this because I don't even think a Christian would kill their kid if their pastor said that God asked them to. These people believed in Jones and what Jones said more than they believed in love or life and when that happens you better believe things will explode.
The fact is Jim Jones is prime example of the gullibility of humans. If we are confused or lost or just wanna believe something by god we will. You listen to someone long enough and aren't told any different you will believe him. A former JonesTown member lucky enought to leave before the self eradication claimed that the people there, the followers were good and decent people of faith. I may be inclined to agree about them being good and decent but there faith was wrong. Any faith that bottoms out with you slitting your child's throat is wrong. The people who listened to Jones entranced with his sermons and shit probably never once actually looked at him to try to notice something about him that did not have to do with said sermons. The dedicated people, if some of them did they probably didn't want to believe it. It would have ruined the illusion they made for themselves. People love illusion. The illusion of grandeur I'm sure they saw in him when he was up at the mic. We can't follow blindly is all I am saying. We need to look closer at people because, shameful to say, not all people are good.
In closing Jim Jones can burn in hell forever and my condolences go out to the people who lost loved ones at JonesTown.
This has been my thoughts on a tragic tale from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Monday, July 6, 2009
A Side Note of Bullshit
"Aristotle taught that the brain exists only to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons." - Will Cuppy
I don't know if you've heard or not but MICHAEL JACKSON DIED!!! I'll give you a moment to take that in, I know it comes as a great surprise to those few of you out there who have no connection to the world whatsoever. But something you may not have caught in the around the hour coverage of the Post Jackson Civilization, Sarah Palin has resigned.
Don't clap yet, there is more. While I was hoping Palin would go away some place where I don't have to see or hear her, I was struck with the sudden realization that she will never go away. It'll be like Al Gore for dummies. I can see it now: Book deals, tv talk shows, fashion shit. It's not to say that she doesn't have some good traits. I mean did you know she can see across the world's largest bodies of water to different nations. That's gotta get people money. It'd be like a scientific goldmine. Or if that doesn't work out, she is a brilliant comedian and could no doubt grace stand up comedy clubs again and again. I know this one joke, it's really good. "What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull...Lipstick" HAHAHA!!! Or how about this one "What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit--oh right it's lipstick." Or how about the one she said "What's the--" okay I guess she doesn't have that many jokes.
The point of this thing is that Sarah Palin was in politics for fame and fortune and attention. Sorry America, but that is not what we need to run a state, even a state like Alaska. And it certainly is not what we need to run a country, I'm glad most of us could see that. Now she will release a book that will no doubt give her followers orgasms and no doubt boil her nay sayers piss. Maybe she will even get a talk show where she will talk about clothes or celebrity gossip like seventy others or maybe, by some cruel work of the hand of Lucifer...She will talk politics. Yeah because she was awesome at that before. I will hand it to Sarah though, she can read and memorize shitty notes written by other people a lot better than I can.
So to the people out there who love Palin's good ol' girl, all American, George Bushian charm she seems to resonate to you, feel warm and cuddly with the fact that it will never end and the years of a world with Sarah Palin will last many wonderful years.
And to the people who honest to god hate Palin's horrid voice, half assed politics, and overall stupidity she clearly expresses every single goddamn day she shows her face, just rest assured that while she still roams free amongst intelligent people, while she still continues to haunt the American media, she will never ever again threaten the safety of mankind in politics. HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!
...
OR WILL SHE!!!
This has been a glimmer of hope you may have missed from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
I don't know if you've heard or not but MICHAEL JACKSON DIED!!! I'll give you a moment to take that in, I know it comes as a great surprise to those few of you out there who have no connection to the world whatsoever. But something you may not have caught in the around the hour coverage of the Post Jackson Civilization, Sarah Palin has resigned.
Don't clap yet, there is more. While I was hoping Palin would go away some place where I don't have to see or hear her, I was struck with the sudden realization that she will never go away. It'll be like Al Gore for dummies. I can see it now: Book deals, tv talk shows, fashion shit. It's not to say that she doesn't have some good traits. I mean did you know she can see across the world's largest bodies of water to different nations. That's gotta get people money. It'd be like a scientific goldmine. Or if that doesn't work out, she is a brilliant comedian and could no doubt grace stand up comedy clubs again and again. I know this one joke, it's really good. "What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull...Lipstick" HAHAHA!!! Or how about this one "What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit--oh right it's lipstick." Or how about the one she said "What's the--" okay I guess she doesn't have that many jokes.
The point of this thing is that Sarah Palin was in politics for fame and fortune and attention. Sorry America, but that is not what we need to run a state, even a state like Alaska. And it certainly is not what we need to run a country, I'm glad most of us could see that. Now she will release a book that will no doubt give her followers orgasms and no doubt boil her nay sayers piss. Maybe she will even get a talk show where she will talk about clothes or celebrity gossip like seventy others or maybe, by some cruel work of the hand of Lucifer...She will talk politics. Yeah because she was awesome at that before. I will hand it to Sarah though, she can read and memorize shitty notes written by other people a lot better than I can.
So to the people out there who love Palin's good ol' girl, all American, George Bushian charm she seems to resonate to you, feel warm and cuddly with the fact that it will never end and the years of a world with Sarah Palin will last many wonderful years.
And to the people who honest to god hate Palin's horrid voice, half assed politics, and overall stupidity she clearly expresses every single goddamn day she shows her face, just rest assured that while she still roams free amongst intelligent people, while she still continues to haunt the American media, she will never ever again threaten the safety of mankind in politics. HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!
...
OR WILL SHE!!!
This has been a glimmer of hope you may have missed from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)