"An actor is at most a poet, and at least an entertainer." - Marlon Brando
Some people to this day do not fully appreciate actors. It takes a lot of freaking skill to make an audience believe a character even a little bit. But then again, not every actor was that shining star on Broadway or tour de force newcomer. Some just had the right connections and thought it'd be cool, and some got lucky. Very, very, very, very lucky. That's Hollywood. That being said, not everyone who comes along is going to be a new Brando or Freeman or Dicaprio. And ultimately some of these so called actors are horrible and can also destroy a movie they are involved with (I'm talking to you Sofia. No I don't care who your father is; you just keep directing like he did). Then there are some who are bad, but you can tell they are at least trying. These are the ones who usually end up being funny, likable, or at least memorable once you're done watching their performance. So I will take my time to talk about a few actors considered to be bad by some and how they are bad.
(Let me note that none of these things are limited only to "bad actors," because I've seen plenty of good actors do these things at least once, whether it is just a line or an entire performance. So there.)
OVER THE TOP:
Yeah, you know it when it happens. That point where your only reaction to a person's acting is "....SUBTLE!" Anyone can read lines, and I will go into those who do so with little enthusiasm later, but the more memorable are the ones who read the line and take it with too much enthusiasm. This leads to them being really goofy.
Going classic, my most memorable over the top actor is Charlton Heston. Heston was considered to be one of the greatest actors of his time, but looking at his films now, you can tell a lot of his roles were written as being a lot more subtle. Planet of the Apes is a prime example. While most remember his legendary line "get your paws off me, you damn dirty apes!" or better yet, "You cut up his brain, you bloody baboon!" I remember his reaction to one of his fellow astronaut's placing a miniature American flag in a small mound of rocks on the "mysterious new world" and all Heston had to do was deliver a cynical, perhaps even dry laugh. What does he do instead: he freaking guffaws. He does it again later, again unnecessary (maybe he was high). Oh yeah, and watch him hold his nose as he jumps from the sinking ship into the water. He does little over the top things like this in a lot of his movies. Sometimes the roles he was cast in were over the top just because it was him playing them; it is just weird casting the most red blooded American actor as the Mexican-American hero of an Orson Welles movie. Still though, I'll have to admit he was still a likable, fun movie actor who here and there had his moments of good performances.
Then there are really good actors like Nicholas Cage and Christopher Walken. Though they are very good in serious movies (both have been nominated at the Academy Awards before), they seem to take any role a studio throws at them and play it to the bone. This usually goes along with incorporating their own strange styles and mannerisms into any given role, so they are already a little bit over the top. And by a little bit, I mean "a lot." Nicholas Cage has this semi-smooth yet explosive hyperactivity breaking through the surface in his movies. And Christopher Walken just might be the most memorable actor alive, as well as the most impersonated. His monotone droll has been segued into just about every type of film scenario; he's been a Bond villain, a Batman villain, a scarred soldier, a struggling father, a mischevious hobo, the angel of death (twice), a gangster (god knows how many times), and let's not forget a war veteran delivering a boy a very interesting gold watch. The screen can barely contain these two when they're on, either by sheer awesomeness or absolute craziness. Look up their filmography, or better yet go on youtube and look up some of their craziest moments.
Then of course there is Arnold. Arnold-freaking-Schwarzeneggar. The Austrian body builder who took America by storm in the 80s and hasn't gone away since. We all love him. Is he a good actor though? Well, that's debatable. I mean if you look carefully at--...fine! He's not that good of an actor. I mean, I doubt there was ever a point the people at the Academy Awards were thinking "I think it's Schwarzeneggar's turn this year." They weren't as kind as California. No he's not great, but I still think he's at least good. I mean no one likes someone this much for this long if he's been terrible the entire time. There have been roles where he has played dramatic very well. And as easy as some people believe it to be, playing an emotionless cyborg has to be convincing or else we won't believe it and Arnold pulls it off. But really, he is best being over the top. Sure "Hasta la vista, baby" and "I'll Be Back" are great lines, but we remember the really over the top and cheesy ones moreso. It works well with Arnold because, with that thick Austrian accent, just about every word comes out of his mouth is funny. I mean there's a video editor on Youtube, hh1edits is his tag (look him up he does amazing stuff), who has not one but two ten minute videos just full of Arnold's corny ass or over the top lines. It is priceless. But hey, we love Arnold as is and he really can't get any better...well maybe the people of California would disagree, but I still stand by him.
UNDERPLAY
To put it simply, some actors just don't put forth the effort in their roles. Perhaps they've tricked themselves into thinking they are awesome. This comes down to a lack of emotion or just pure robotic line reading. Either way it can be just as unappealing as overacting.
Here are a few famous examples, all basically the same. Keanu Reeves, known for The Matrix trilogy, is notorious as a, frankly, wooden actor. While I think he has pretty much grown out of his bad acting stage, the majority of people just can't let go of his terrible acting in his early roles. I mean Point Break? Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? I think the simulated world of the matrix was far more believable. Nowadays, he's either a brooder or a cocky bastard. He's good in each type. If you want to see some of his terrific acting I'd recommend Hard Ball or The Lake House (he cries in both, and is believable).
Kevin Costner is another A-list actor, and also a director and producer, who has starred in plenty of well known films. I think this is a case where it is how he handles certain roles rather than him simply being a bad actor. There are some roles where he is playing soft spoken or distant and ends up being just a boring actor. Other roles where his characters are very much alive and full of energy and he himself is alive and energetic. I really think people give him too hard of a time, but he really isn't bad at all. They give the same shit toward William Hurt (an Oscar nominated actor) who is a favorite of mine, and is also terrific.
There are a few very famous actresses who I've never understood why they were ranked so high at times. Kim Basinger won a Best Actress Oscar for L.A. Confidential (she was good, but not Oscar worthy) when a superb role like the trailer trash mother in 8 Mile is particularly overlooked. Or Halle Berry, who aside from the X-Men movies and Monster's Ball, has not been a particularly memorable actress. Then someone like Ashley Judd, who has more charisma and energy as a charitable activist type than an actress. Just perplexes me. Maybe these actresses' hotness gives them all certain benefits.
MUSICIANS
I have long backed musicians in movie roles. Most of them are pretty good. Rappers in particular have been interesting. Eminem, terrific in 8 Mile. He had real leading man presence, but then again maybe that was because the character was a lot like him. Tupac Shakur seemed to have an at least somewhat promising acting career before he was killed (his last movie had him and Jim Belushi playing dirty cops). 50 Cent was okay in Get Rich or Die Tryin' (a movie I really didn't care for), even if he did mumble his way through it. L.L. Cool J and Jamie Foxx both came into their own and have been very enjoyable. Of course the one we all think of when it comes to rappers turning to acting is the one. The only. Will Smith. The guy gained fame as a rapper, then gained super stardom as a TV star, then was Hollywood royalty as a film actor. Who the hell doesn't love Will Smith? Racists.
Country and rock stars have been so so for the most part. Guys like Gregg Allman (Rush, no band relation) and Keith Richards (Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End) have been good in minor roles. Sting is always memorable as hell; he has true presence, especially as a villain. I know Billy Ray Cyrus and daughter Miley have each dabbled. I actually found Billy Ray to be hilarious in a short cameo as a movie director's wife's lover in Mulholland Dr. a David Lynch movie of course. Speaking of Lynch, Chris Isaak is well known as playing the missing FBI Agent Chester Desmond on the show Twin Peaks and it's movie prequel Fire Walk with Me. Jared Leto, the lead singer for 30 Seconds to Mars, is a terrific and very talented actor. So I guess they are good too in their own ways.
Pop stars are 50/50 and that's all I will say.
WRESTELERS
I surprisingly always back up wrestlers and boxers too. I've always liked Hulk Hogan in movies. I think Roddy Piper was freaking terrific in They Live. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has pretty much solidified himself as an actor these days and I think that is freaking great. He is really good. He gets shit roles most days, which is unbelievable since movies like The Rundown (one of the best action movies in years), Walking Tall, and The Scorpion King both sealed him in as THE new action hero. Arnold Schwarzeneggar even cameoed for a second in The Rundown and only had one line while passing by The Rock: "Have fun..." I see that as Arnie informally handing over the rank to The Rock. I think it is great. He has great delivery, can actually read a line, and is amazing in action scenes. Give him more cool movies. NOW.
So there's some categories frequently mocked and downtrodden by uppity critics who think if someone doesn't Tom Hanks or Meryl Streep the hell out of a performance it isn't worth seeing. Well they can go to hell, because if you really look at these guys they aren't that bad. They aren't great but they never go Troll 2 = "They're eating her...And then they're gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!"... Yeah. And for that we can be thankful. Then again, The Rock did star in Southland Tales. Bad Rock.
So this has been a post from Your Long Absent Guru. Will try to stick around this time. Try! Thanks for reading.
Showing posts with label my thoughts.... Show all posts
Showing posts with label my thoughts.... Show all posts
Monday, November 22, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear thoughts
"We live in hard times, not end times." - Jon Stewart
For those...I don't know, two of you wondering why Your Modest Guru hasn't been posting lately and missed his Halloween themed posts, I will have you know I was recuperating after a long vacation. This vacation is one that brought me to many states I had yet to visit, but my primary missions on the trip, and that of the captain of the trip, my grandfather, was to make it for Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear in Washington D.C. and then straight down to Florida to watch the Discovery space shuttle launch for its last time. Unfortunately we were only able to see one of those happen and that was the rally (typical NASA wasting my time with bah! safety measures).
Possibly in a parody to Political Media mogul and lunatic Glenn Beck's Rally to Restore Honor (no, no that's not a joke) as well as Al Sharpton's retaliation against Beck with his Reclaim the Dream rally, Jon Stewart had been planning a rally for people to get together and sort of just weed out all of the drama, all of the bullshit, all of the insanity that plagues this country every damn day. Stephen Colbert co-hosted in his satirical right wing persona as the man presenting the arguement for fear mongering in America (the Glenn Becks, if you will). As I am told, Stewart and Colbert expected a turnout of at 100, 000 to 150,000 people at the most to show up in the National Mall. It ended up being approximately 215,000 people, the ones who could make it, of course.
I was in the thick of it and it was quite a sight. It was a collection of people of numerous ethnicities, religions, and cultures, all together, tolerant and peaceful with each other. I suppose I shouldn't go into too much detail, seeing as how I had very long range view of one of the jumbotrons, my whole body was worn out from standing up so long, and summaries of the rally can be found from numerous internet sources. Still I will get my thoughts out there.
First off the musical guests were all top notch people. From the rally long performance of The Roots (with John Legend in the beginning) to the trio performance of Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow, and a recorded T.I., they were all wonderful. My favorite instance would most definitely have to be the unconventional duet of Yusuf Islam (formerly Cat Stevens) and Ossie Osbourne, playing back to back and back again their respective songs Peace Train (for Stewart's side) and Crazy Train (for Colbert's side); and The OJs following up with Love Train just topped it off. And though the music was good, it did seem to drag on a little too much (the opening act especially), but then again that's how I feel at concerts. Yes I know, I'm stupid. Still dragging or not, the music and the performers were top notch.
The comedy, which is what I imagine people were waiting for during the music, was very good. Stewart and Colbert can come off as cheesy out of their television element, but they are still very funny and clever. And the guests, ranging from Sam Waterson and his reading of Colbert's fear poem to the beloved R2-D2, were all stellar. The Sanity/Fear Awards were certainly entertaining. A couple of my favorite moments were when Anderson Cooper's tight T-shirt was awarded as well as the Qu'ran rescuing hippie from our latest 9/11's proposed Burn a Qu'ran Day (I love that the guy tossed his award into the crowd). Then of course the basis for the whole damn rally, the sanity against fear warfare between Stewart and Colbert. Colbert had some of the biggest highlights including his montage of media based fear mongering and his Fearzilla puppet that attacked the stage, defeated with the Pan-like assistance of hilarious Stewart co-host John Oliver. And who can forget for the rest of their days Stewart and Colbert's absolutely horrible attempt to sing their own song, The Greatest, Strongest Country in the World. The signs were also funny, and there were plenty of signs. My favorite one, and arguably one of the most simple, read "Calm the F*ck Down." Glorious.
The main highlight of the event was no doubt Jon Stewart's final speech to the massive crowd. It was from the heart and made plenty of sense. In tumultuous times like these, people should not be so bent on rocking the boat or just acting crazy or stupid. This get together was obviously important to him and turned out far greater than he ever expected.
The rally as a whole was an unregretable experience. It was amazing being there and the feeling that people were that ready to be good to one another and not try to get vicious about anything. It is true indeed that in a time when so much badness is going on that a bunch of us sane Americans can get together and say tell the world to Calm the F*ck Down. For a guy like me, it could be one of those once in a lifetime things, so I am no doubt holding this as a dear memory. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go through the rally crowd photos and see if I can find myself. Haha, just kidding...or am I? Yes.
This has been a return from another freaking long absence from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading, especially since my next post will more than likely have to unwrapped on Christmas.
For those...I don't know, two of you wondering why Your Modest Guru hasn't been posting lately and missed his Halloween themed posts, I will have you know I was recuperating after a long vacation. This vacation is one that brought me to many states I had yet to visit, but my primary missions on the trip, and that of the captain of the trip, my grandfather, was to make it for Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear in Washington D.C. and then straight down to Florida to watch the Discovery space shuttle launch for its last time. Unfortunately we were only able to see one of those happen and that was the rally (typical NASA wasting my time with bah! safety measures).
Possibly in a parody to Political Media mogul and lunatic Glenn Beck's Rally to Restore Honor (no, no that's not a joke) as well as Al Sharpton's retaliation against Beck with his Reclaim the Dream rally, Jon Stewart had been planning a rally for people to get together and sort of just weed out all of the drama, all of the bullshit, all of the insanity that plagues this country every damn day. Stephen Colbert co-hosted in his satirical right wing persona as the man presenting the arguement for fear mongering in America (the Glenn Becks, if you will). As I am told, Stewart and Colbert expected a turnout of at 100, 000 to 150,000 people at the most to show up in the National Mall. It ended up being approximately 215,000 people, the ones who could make it, of course.
I was in the thick of it and it was quite a sight. It was a collection of people of numerous ethnicities, religions, and cultures, all together, tolerant and peaceful with each other. I suppose I shouldn't go into too much detail, seeing as how I had very long range view of one of the jumbotrons, my whole body was worn out from standing up so long, and summaries of the rally can be found from numerous internet sources. Still I will get my thoughts out there.
First off the musical guests were all top notch people. From the rally long performance of The Roots (with John Legend in the beginning) to the trio performance of Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow, and a recorded T.I., they were all wonderful. My favorite instance would most definitely have to be the unconventional duet of Yusuf Islam (formerly Cat Stevens) and Ossie Osbourne, playing back to back and back again their respective songs Peace Train (for Stewart's side) and Crazy Train (for Colbert's side); and The OJs following up with Love Train just topped it off. And though the music was good, it did seem to drag on a little too much (the opening act especially), but then again that's how I feel at concerts. Yes I know, I'm stupid. Still dragging or not, the music and the performers were top notch.
The comedy, which is what I imagine people were waiting for during the music, was very good. Stewart and Colbert can come off as cheesy out of their television element, but they are still very funny and clever. And the guests, ranging from Sam Waterson and his reading of Colbert's fear poem to the beloved R2-D2, were all stellar. The Sanity/Fear Awards were certainly entertaining. A couple of my favorite moments were when Anderson Cooper's tight T-shirt was awarded as well as the Qu'ran rescuing hippie from our latest 9/11's proposed Burn a Qu'ran Day (I love that the guy tossed his award into the crowd). Then of course the basis for the whole damn rally, the sanity against fear warfare between Stewart and Colbert. Colbert had some of the biggest highlights including his montage of media based fear mongering and his Fearzilla puppet that attacked the stage, defeated with the Pan-like assistance of hilarious Stewart co-host John Oliver. And who can forget for the rest of their days Stewart and Colbert's absolutely horrible attempt to sing their own song, The Greatest, Strongest Country in the World. The signs were also funny, and there were plenty of signs. My favorite one, and arguably one of the most simple, read "Calm the F*ck Down." Glorious.
The main highlight of the event was no doubt Jon Stewart's final speech to the massive crowd. It was from the heart and made plenty of sense. In tumultuous times like these, people should not be so bent on rocking the boat or just acting crazy or stupid. This get together was obviously important to him and turned out far greater than he ever expected.
The rally as a whole was an unregretable experience. It was amazing being there and the feeling that people were that ready to be good to one another and not try to get vicious about anything. It is true indeed that in a time when so much badness is going on that a bunch of us sane Americans can get together and say tell the world to Calm the F*ck Down. For a guy like me, it could be one of those once in a lifetime things, so I am no doubt holding this as a dear memory. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go through the rally crowd photos and see if I can find myself. Haha, just kidding...or am I? Yes.
This has been a return from another freaking long absence from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading, especially since my next post will more than likely have to unwrapped on Christmas.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
brought to you by the letter K
"You! Your sex is on fire!" - Kings of Leon
I felt I should mention a little something about singer Katy Perry's recent appearance on Sesame Street alongside childhood icon, Elmo. I will try to sum up what happened, but if I don't know certain things or anything its because I haven't seen Sesame Street in ages. This skit features Perry and Elmo having a little bit of playtime around the colorful Sesame Street... and then the desert... and then Antarctica. Basically the entire thing is a clean and fun rendition of her Hot N Cold song. I must admit I kind of enjoyed this skit. I mean it has all of the playfulness of Sesame Street. Elmo dancing to the pop beat is funny as hell in it; I even think Oscar pops out of his can at one point to yell at Perry. Really it is all the same on both ends, the long lasting Sesame Street is just as fun lovingly wild and innocent as always, and the apparently Christian musician Katy Perry is just as ambiguous and eccentric as always. Now, Perry showing up alongside Elmo has been criticised by critics and parents alike for a particular reason: Katy Perry is too freaking hot.
Seriously? No, but for real, I can understand where these people are coming from to a point. However the only thing I can really see being wrong is that her skirt is a bit too short and she is showing some cleavage, which is what you can expect from Perry and essentially any other modern 21st Century girl under the age of 55. It really could have been worse, America. She could have gone all California Gurls, spraying cans of whip cream from her breasts with diasy dukes and a bikini on top (or nothing at all if you watched the music video... not saying that I have, of course... many times...). So yeah, it could have been much worse. The way Perry dresses, that weird but nevertheless sexy attire, is just the way she rolls and we really can't judge her too much, not for that at least. I saw an older episode of Sesame Street that featured Robert De Niro talking to Elmo about acting, which transitioned into De Niro looking like Elmo and the two laughing. I love the hell out of Robert De Niro but that was a little disturbing, not because of the roles he has played in the past but because of the idea of De Niro acting all playful like with ELMO. De Niro's work didn't reflect on himself no more than Perry's has.
Though there are moments in the skit when I was a bit put off. I think Elmo was actually the first one to be a little uneasy about Perry's appearance. Either that or the video made it seem like he was really confused sexually and socially. As soon as Perry shows up, Elmo gets all flustered and even more uncomfortable when she starts suggesting "dress up" until he eventually runs away. Cut to music video section, where Elmo seems to be doing anything from dancing to run around Perry in a shot that seemed to suggest he was looking up her skirt (I'm just telling it like I saw it). At the very end, he forgets all about everything that happened before and starts playing tag. (Parents note: no lewd content was featured in the video. Nor was any actual "dress up" seen at any point) This skit was just really weird and confused it seemed. Though, looking back, a lot Sesame Street was like that. It is after all a show where playful little handpuppet monsters, a giant bird, and a man sized elephant all interact on an inner city street. Katy Perry showing up only ices the cake slightly more than it already is (anyone making jokes about that last sentence should can pat yourself on the back for being as childish as me).
In the end it comes down to the children. I will think of the children! Personally, I don't think this will affect them much, if at all. I'd wager the kids watching Sesame Street are between 1 and 5, they should be moving on to stylized violent cartoon shows and Americanized Japanese animes after that. And at that age, the fact that a woman shows up on the show whose style does not hide her bustiness should not even be subliminal for a kid. At this stage all grownups just sort of blend. So really no harm done yet. Really, one way or another your kids are gonna get wise to modern styles and personalities. So it really doesn't matter whether they learn it from Sesame Street now or E later, those little sponges are gonna soak up some dirt.
So ultimately, if you couldn't tell, I don't think that Katy Perry shocked some audience by revealing to kids those things that we almost immediately expose and shove in their faces is controversial. I only really have two criticisms. 1, Katy Perry needs to learn to act just a little bit; I know it's only Sesame Street, but there could have been some effort to be good (oh well not everybody can do it. I'm talking to you, Sofia Coppola). And 2, there wasn't enough Oscar. It's just a given, in my mind.
This has been some strange news mixed with nostalgia from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
I felt I should mention a little something about singer Katy Perry's recent appearance on Sesame Street alongside childhood icon, Elmo. I will try to sum up what happened, but if I don't know certain things or anything its because I haven't seen Sesame Street in ages. This skit features Perry and Elmo having a little bit of playtime around the colorful Sesame Street... and then the desert... and then Antarctica. Basically the entire thing is a clean and fun rendition of her Hot N Cold song. I must admit I kind of enjoyed this skit. I mean it has all of the playfulness of Sesame Street. Elmo dancing to the pop beat is funny as hell in it; I even think Oscar pops out of his can at one point to yell at Perry. Really it is all the same on both ends, the long lasting Sesame Street is just as fun lovingly wild and innocent as always, and the apparently Christian musician Katy Perry is just as ambiguous and eccentric as always. Now, Perry showing up alongside Elmo has been criticised by critics and parents alike for a particular reason: Katy Perry is too freaking hot.
Seriously? No, but for real, I can understand where these people are coming from to a point. However the only thing I can really see being wrong is that her skirt is a bit too short and she is showing some cleavage, which is what you can expect from Perry and essentially any other modern 21st Century girl under the age of 55. It really could have been worse, America. She could have gone all California Gurls, spraying cans of whip cream from her breasts with diasy dukes and a bikini on top (or nothing at all if you watched the music video... not saying that I have, of course... many times...). So yeah, it could have been much worse. The way Perry dresses, that weird but nevertheless sexy attire, is just the way she rolls and we really can't judge her too much, not for that at least. I saw an older episode of Sesame Street that featured Robert De Niro talking to Elmo about acting, which transitioned into De Niro looking like Elmo and the two laughing. I love the hell out of Robert De Niro but that was a little disturbing, not because of the roles he has played in the past but because of the idea of De Niro acting all playful like with ELMO. De Niro's work didn't reflect on himself no more than Perry's has.
Though there are moments in the skit when I was a bit put off. I think Elmo was actually the first one to be a little uneasy about Perry's appearance. Either that or the video made it seem like he was really confused sexually and socially. As soon as Perry shows up, Elmo gets all flustered and even more uncomfortable when she starts suggesting "dress up" until he eventually runs away. Cut to music video section, where Elmo seems to be doing anything from dancing to run around Perry in a shot that seemed to suggest he was looking up her skirt (I'm just telling it like I saw it). At the very end, he forgets all about everything that happened before and starts playing tag. (Parents note: no lewd content was featured in the video. Nor was any actual "dress up" seen at any point) This skit was just really weird and confused it seemed. Though, looking back, a lot Sesame Street was like that. It is after all a show where playful little handpuppet monsters, a giant bird, and a man sized elephant all interact on an inner city street. Katy Perry showing up only ices the cake slightly more than it already is (anyone making jokes about that last sentence should can pat yourself on the back for being as childish as me).
In the end it comes down to the children. I will think of the children! Personally, I don't think this will affect them much, if at all. I'd wager the kids watching Sesame Street are between 1 and 5, they should be moving on to stylized violent cartoon shows and Americanized Japanese animes after that. And at that age, the fact that a woman shows up on the show whose style does not hide her bustiness should not even be subliminal for a kid. At this stage all grownups just sort of blend. So really no harm done yet. Really, one way or another your kids are gonna get wise to modern styles and personalities. So it really doesn't matter whether they learn it from Sesame Street now or E later, those little sponges are gonna soak up some dirt.
So ultimately, if you couldn't tell, I don't think that Katy Perry shocked some audience by revealing to kids those things that we almost immediately expose and shove in their faces is controversial. I only really have two criticisms. 1, Katy Perry needs to learn to act just a little bit; I know it's only Sesame Street, but there could have been some effort to be good (oh well not everybody can do it. I'm talking to you, Sofia Coppola). And 2, there wasn't enough Oscar. It's just a given, in my mind.
This has been some strange news mixed with nostalgia from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Joaquin yo ass!
"A mind is a terrible thing to waste." - various people
I can remember first reading the news that Joaquin Phoenix was planning to retire from acting. I was very disappointed and confused. Then after his infamous appearance on Letterman, where he was overweight, grizzly, obnoxious, and antisocial, I was totally bewildered. Then shockingly more bewildered when I heard he was quitting acting to pursue a career in hip hop. Finally, I was absolutely convinced he'd suffered a mental breakdown when I actually heard him rap. It was almost too crazy. And thankfully it was, because Phoenix didn't quit acting. In fact, he was doing the most challenging act of his life.
Yes readers, Your Modest Guru wasn't the only talented, mysterious, and handsome celebrity to return to the scene recently. Turns out the freaky new Joaquin Phoenix of recent memory was an elaborate acting venture that Phoenix and friend, brother-in-law, and fellow actor Casey Affleck were responsible for. I'm not sure what the purpose was then Phoenix and Affleck were hoping for some kind of virtuoso acting experience undercover in Hollywood, as well as sort of observing society thrown into a state of chaos over one man's apparently shattered stability. Well it worked on me, though I refused to believe it for awhile. But it only proves how great of an actor Joaquin Phoenix really is, because he really sold his performance as himself.
This plot by the two actors bottomed out into a documentary (a feaux documentary as of late) about Phoenix's "self-destruction" titled I'm Still Here. When I first saw promos for the film, I was even more confused about what Phoenix was doing. I mean sure the film would showcase his misery and deterioration, but then again he said he was done with movies. Either way, I didn't see it but I heard it was pretty good, especially at convincing folks that this thing going on with him was real.
Thankfully though, this whole thing was only a new acting method conceived by two actors/actor brothers who, for the most part, successfully executed a pledge, turn, and prestige. I was very glad to see him return to Letterman recently where he was thin, clean cut, and very presentable. Letterman's reaction was also good. Even though throughout this little project I was convinced that a man with so much talent, with incredible performances in movies such as Walk the Line, Gladiator, and We Own the Night, and whose own brother, River Phoenix, a young actor with much promise, had led a self destructive lifestyle (ending with River dead in a gutter) could transform like this. Not to mention, his rap was just embarrassing to watch; imagine his Johnny Cash singing voice juxtaposed with hip hop rhythm and posturing that makes 50 Cent look downplayed. But no, he wasn't totally insane, he just convinced us he was. Now that I think about it, Phoenix and Casey Affleck are really quite genius. I mean, how often does something truly surprising emerge from the Hollywood limelight these days? Joaquin Phoenix's breakdown was more fascinating than Paris Hilton getting a, like, week in lockup for carrying a bag of coke. Nearly all reality TV is fabricated and just bullshit, and very transparent when it is. Phoenix and Affleck were making doing the same thing, but it was not transparent in the slightest. In fact it did what most reality TV fails at: it convinced us it was reality.
Anywho, I look forward to whatever work Phoenix has planned now that his rap career clearly went nowhere. It's good to have him back. And for his performance, I must say: bravo, you sly dog.
This has been a new post from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
I can remember first reading the news that Joaquin Phoenix was planning to retire from acting. I was very disappointed and confused. Then after his infamous appearance on Letterman, where he was overweight, grizzly, obnoxious, and antisocial, I was totally bewildered. Then shockingly more bewildered when I heard he was quitting acting to pursue a career in hip hop. Finally, I was absolutely convinced he'd suffered a mental breakdown when I actually heard him rap. It was almost too crazy. And thankfully it was, because Phoenix didn't quit acting. In fact, he was doing the most challenging act of his life.
Yes readers, Your Modest Guru wasn't the only talented, mysterious, and handsome celebrity to return to the scene recently. Turns out the freaky new Joaquin Phoenix of recent memory was an elaborate acting venture that Phoenix and friend, brother-in-law, and fellow actor Casey Affleck were responsible for. I'm not sure what the purpose was then Phoenix and Affleck were hoping for some kind of virtuoso acting experience undercover in Hollywood, as well as sort of observing society thrown into a state of chaos over one man's apparently shattered stability. Well it worked on me, though I refused to believe it for awhile. But it only proves how great of an actor Joaquin Phoenix really is, because he really sold his performance as himself.
This plot by the two actors bottomed out into a documentary (a feaux documentary as of late) about Phoenix's "self-destruction" titled I'm Still Here. When I first saw promos for the film, I was even more confused about what Phoenix was doing. I mean sure the film would showcase his misery and deterioration, but then again he said he was done with movies. Either way, I didn't see it but I heard it was pretty good, especially at convincing folks that this thing going on with him was real.
Thankfully though, this whole thing was only a new acting method conceived by two actors/actor brothers who, for the most part, successfully executed a pledge, turn, and prestige. I was very glad to see him return to Letterman recently where he was thin, clean cut, and very presentable. Letterman's reaction was also good. Even though throughout this little project I was convinced that a man with so much talent, with incredible performances in movies such as Walk the Line, Gladiator, and We Own the Night, and whose own brother, River Phoenix, a young actor with much promise, had led a self destructive lifestyle (ending with River dead in a gutter) could transform like this. Not to mention, his rap was just embarrassing to watch; imagine his Johnny Cash singing voice juxtaposed with hip hop rhythm and posturing that makes 50 Cent look downplayed. But no, he wasn't totally insane, he just convinced us he was. Now that I think about it, Phoenix and Casey Affleck are really quite genius. I mean, how often does something truly surprising emerge from the Hollywood limelight these days? Joaquin Phoenix's breakdown was more fascinating than Paris Hilton getting a, like, week in lockup for carrying a bag of coke. Nearly all reality TV is fabricated and just bullshit, and very transparent when it is. Phoenix and Affleck were making doing the same thing, but it was not transparent in the slightest. In fact it did what most reality TV fails at: it convinced us it was reality.
Anywho, I look forward to whatever work Phoenix has planned now that his rap career clearly went nowhere. It's good to have him back. And for his performance, I must say: bravo, you sly dog.
This has been a new post from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Guess who's back
"You know, sometimes you just gotta say "what the fuck?" - Joel from Risky Business
No, Your Modest Guru did not suffer that nervous breakdown you expected to follow my last post. Actually I just needed time to recuperate, because, honestly, I was just being bombarded with news of just horrible events in the world. I didn't even talk about a lot of the bad stuff, just a few things. Even so, it made me miserable hearing about it all and even more miserable getting my thoughts out in the open. Anyone who reads my blog knows that I have good days where I'm an utterly cheery, clever, and charming bastard, and bad days where I am a depressed, downtrodden, and pessimistic sonofabitch. Also, I thought about taking a break from the blog anyway and it worked out for the better. I wrote a neat little short story and lifted my spirits. I will accept the fact that the really miserable subjects will not go away and I will have to make mention of them if I am to do this job. I will try to do it professionally and as an adult, and not let my personal feelings hamper my work. Emphasis on the word "try."
I held off coming back until my birthday, when I knew my outlook would be a little sunnier. So in celebration of seventeen years of life, I am back and ready for action. I have a whole bunch of little stories lined up to talk about and am staying away from the depressing shit...for now of course. So for those few people who actually know what this is, keep reading and thank you for sticking around.
This is the return of Your Modest Guru. Let's keep reading, shall we?
No, Your Modest Guru did not suffer that nervous breakdown you expected to follow my last post. Actually I just needed time to recuperate, because, honestly, I was just being bombarded with news of just horrible events in the world. I didn't even talk about a lot of the bad stuff, just a few things. Even so, it made me miserable hearing about it all and even more miserable getting my thoughts out in the open. Anyone who reads my blog knows that I have good days where I'm an utterly cheery, clever, and charming bastard, and bad days where I am a depressed, downtrodden, and pessimistic sonofabitch. Also, I thought about taking a break from the blog anyway and it worked out for the better. I wrote a neat little short story and lifted my spirits. I will accept the fact that the really miserable subjects will not go away and I will have to make mention of them if I am to do this job. I will try to do it professionally and as an adult, and not let my personal feelings hamper my work. Emphasis on the word "try."
I held off coming back until my birthday, when I knew my outlook would be a little sunnier. So in celebration of seventeen years of life, I am back and ready for action. I have a whole bunch of little stories lined up to talk about and am staying away from the depressing shit...for now of course. So for those few people who actually know what this is, keep reading and thank you for sticking around.
This is the return of Your Modest Guru. Let's keep reading, shall we?
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Post 9/11...post
"When it rains, it pours."
Don't think I didn't have plans to blog this week. I had a whole laundry list of shit that needed to be said. But it ultimately came to a point where I knew it was meaningless. I mean what was I going to say? Is there anything that I could have said that someone else hasn't already said; any new spin that I could put on this? No. Yesterday was 9/11 and like a holiday it comes and goes once a year and leaves us exhausted in some way.
Also, I don't think it's any surprise what I thought about the whole Koran book burning party down in Gainesville. Just another fucked up situation in a fucked up mess of them. I mean news isn't even news anymore. It's a circus. All it is is real facts glossed over to be juicy and entertaining. Yeah, I don't care what anyone says, the news is purely for entertainment. What do you think I'm doing? I'm mixing irony, sarcasm, and sometimes straight comedy with real news for your entertainment when really I should just be supplying facts. No actually a guy like me shouldn't be reporting the news, because I'm terrible at it. If you are on the news or supplying the news you are a celebrity. All of these people are just celebrities and are tools to get people talking. Terry Jones? Who the fuck is he? Nobody. Sarah Palin? Did you honestly even know who she was before 2008? Charles Manson? For some: a monster, for a freakishly large amount: a hero, because the bad guys are celebrities too. Logan Cox? Who? These people are not important at all! Celebrities who are not celebrities, people who have found fame, some just an inkling of fame, and revel in it. And now I'm ranting. What am I doing here?
I could go into the politics of Terry Jones' little limelight moment. How what was originally just a good ol' southern book burning turned into a threat from Jones so the New York mosque wouldn't be built. How there were numerous lies that the Imam conceded to Jones' will, how the book burning would be called off or the mosque would be called off. I honestly went from intrigued, to disgusted, to just completely uninterested in Jones, the mosque, and 9/11. I am actually going to try from now on to not make a big deal of 9/11 when it is brought up. I will do it out of respect for those who died. Those people who have been used, twisted, with families victimized and berated, and exist now as weapon for a Left Wing or a Right Wing. It's a tragedy these people, me included, drag into the circus far too often. They died, it happened. What more do I need to say?
I can remember, being home schooled at the time, my confusion at my mother's shock. I was six days away from being eight. I saw the smoking buildings, which honestly I'd never heard of, and thought it was a plane crash. I'd been even more against the news back then so I really didn't know what was going on. When the second plane hit, my mom was very scared and because of that I was very worried. That's what I know about that day. And ever since then, I've lived in this world of politics, of media mayhem, of the blurring line of good and evil, of growing cynicism and anger, and in this world I can't breathe. I know I live here with you. And I know I can never get away. This is life, laying bloody in the gutter alone, yet convinced that everything is going to be okay. And we all lay there with it, hoping that its not too late and never knowing if it is or isn't.
The only question is: did you really need me to tell you this?
This is Your Modest Guru, signing off for awhile now.
Don't think I didn't have plans to blog this week. I had a whole laundry list of shit that needed to be said. But it ultimately came to a point where I knew it was meaningless. I mean what was I going to say? Is there anything that I could have said that someone else hasn't already said; any new spin that I could put on this? No. Yesterday was 9/11 and like a holiday it comes and goes once a year and leaves us exhausted in some way.
Also, I don't think it's any surprise what I thought about the whole Koran book burning party down in Gainesville. Just another fucked up situation in a fucked up mess of them. I mean news isn't even news anymore. It's a circus. All it is is real facts glossed over to be juicy and entertaining. Yeah, I don't care what anyone says, the news is purely for entertainment. What do you think I'm doing? I'm mixing irony, sarcasm, and sometimes straight comedy with real news for your entertainment when really I should just be supplying facts. No actually a guy like me shouldn't be reporting the news, because I'm terrible at it. If you are on the news or supplying the news you are a celebrity. All of these people are just celebrities and are tools to get people talking. Terry Jones? Who the fuck is he? Nobody. Sarah Palin? Did you honestly even know who she was before 2008? Charles Manson? For some: a monster, for a freakishly large amount: a hero, because the bad guys are celebrities too. Logan Cox? Who? These people are not important at all! Celebrities who are not celebrities, people who have found fame, some just an inkling of fame, and revel in it. And now I'm ranting. What am I doing here?
I could go into the politics of Terry Jones' little limelight moment. How what was originally just a good ol' southern book burning turned into a threat from Jones so the New York mosque wouldn't be built. How there were numerous lies that the Imam conceded to Jones' will, how the book burning would be called off or the mosque would be called off. I honestly went from intrigued, to disgusted, to just completely uninterested in Jones, the mosque, and 9/11. I am actually going to try from now on to not make a big deal of 9/11 when it is brought up. I will do it out of respect for those who died. Those people who have been used, twisted, with families victimized and berated, and exist now as weapon for a Left Wing or a Right Wing. It's a tragedy these people, me included, drag into the circus far too often. They died, it happened. What more do I need to say?
I can remember, being home schooled at the time, my confusion at my mother's shock. I was six days away from being eight. I saw the smoking buildings, which honestly I'd never heard of, and thought it was a plane crash. I'd been even more against the news back then so I really didn't know what was going on. When the second plane hit, my mom was very scared and because of that I was very worried. That's what I know about that day. And ever since then, I've lived in this world of politics, of media mayhem, of the blurring line of good and evil, of growing cynicism and anger, and in this world I can't breathe. I know I live here with you. And I know I can never get away. This is life, laying bloody in the gutter alone, yet convinced that everything is going to be okay. And we all lay there with it, hoping that its not too late and never knowing if it is or isn't.
The only question is: did you really need me to tell you this?
This is Your Modest Guru, signing off for awhile now.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Good is Bad says religious fanatics
"Up is down, black is white." - Eddie "The Dane" Dane
Okay very quickly, because I am sick and do not want to write in detail about more absurdities that piss me off.
Apparently a fanatical religious organization (I can't remember which one, too many to count) believes that the gay community's recent crusades against children bullying is some kind of sinful agenda that will make America's youth a flock of freakin' fairies. Yes, you know what this means readers. You know what this means America. Bullying is now the surest way to stay on the straight (as in sexuality) and narrow (as in genitalia) path to eternal paradise. Children! Children all across the world bully each other as much as possible, kindness and respect for one another will only make you as queer as a sold out Ricky Martin concert! Be angry, be violent, be bullies, and you will be SAVED!!! I can already feel the lord's everlasting bliss bestowed upon me as I dunk this 11 year old's head into a toilet and t-bag his brother. Praise the lord!
For those who weren't completely disgusted and were aware of my utter sarcasm, I must say that this whole notion is crazy. This religious group is not quite Westboro Baptist level, but crazy is still crazy. Seriously, are they that against people loving who they want to love that when the gays are doing something extremely positive it must be marked as something ungodly? Are they really that low? By saying this they are indeed saying that they would rather have bullies than gays trying to stop bullying. It just continues to show that too many of these groups use the name of a deity to commit their own selfish deeds. It's just...stupid! The only one doing anything wrong are these fanatics, because they are in fact doing nothing but bitching about people actaully doing something right. For those who believe in the actions of these fanatics, there really is nothing at all I can do to sway you from these delusions of holiness you seem to have haloing over your head so I will just say why don't you just pretend that whatever little man in the sky ruling your universe will hurt the ones you hate when their time comes and just mind your own damn business.
This has been more proof that this world won't get better delivered by Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading and to anyone with a cold, I'm right there with ya.
Okay very quickly, because I am sick and do not want to write in detail about more absurdities that piss me off.
Apparently a fanatical religious organization (I can't remember which one, too many to count) believes that the gay community's recent crusades against children bullying is some kind of sinful agenda that will make America's youth a flock of freakin' fairies. Yes, you know what this means readers. You know what this means America. Bullying is now the surest way to stay on the straight (as in sexuality) and narrow (as in genitalia) path to eternal paradise. Children! Children all across the world bully each other as much as possible, kindness and respect for one another will only make you as queer as a sold out Ricky Martin concert! Be angry, be violent, be bullies, and you will be SAVED!!! I can already feel the lord's everlasting bliss bestowed upon me as I dunk this 11 year old's head into a toilet and t-bag his brother. Praise the lord!
For those who weren't completely disgusted and were aware of my utter sarcasm, I must say that this whole notion is crazy. This religious group is not quite Westboro Baptist level, but crazy is still crazy. Seriously, are they that against people loving who they want to love that when the gays are doing something extremely positive it must be marked as something ungodly? Are they really that low? By saying this they are indeed saying that they would rather have bullies than gays trying to stop bullying. It just continues to show that too many of these groups use the name of a deity to commit their own selfish deeds. It's just...stupid! The only one doing anything wrong are these fanatics, because they are in fact doing nothing but bitching about people actaully doing something right. For those who believe in the actions of these fanatics, there really is nothing at all I can do to sway you from these delusions of holiness you seem to have haloing over your head so I will just say why don't you just pretend that whatever little man in the sky ruling your universe will hurt the ones you hate when their time comes and just mind your own damn business.
This has been more proof that this world won't get better delivered by Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading and to anyone with a cold, I'm right there with ya.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Puppy Murder
"There is good and there is evil and evil must be punished." - Rorschach
Is there anyone who believes people can be just bad? I mean bad like evil. Like they are just bad people inherently? Just asking.
Wow, it really seems as if I'm being bombarded with bullshit stories this week. Usually it's every other week but no I am just having a hard time understanding how much bad news I'm getting, personally and worldly. I will be brief about this if I can.
So this video has been posted on the internet, of this girl, who I think is Croation and looks to be anywhere from 14 to 25 (you know the type), and it's a short video of this girl down by a river and she has a box of puppies and she is cheerfully hurling them into the river, no doubt killing them. It is around 30 seconds long and it is sheer cruelty. PETA is tearing their hair out no doubt.
I just have got to ask: Why dogs? Puppies, specifically? Are you that much of a fucking sadist that its not enough to snuff something that can't really defend itself against you, but you have to kill the absolute picture of sweet and innocent. And this time a FUCKING BOX OF THEM! I almost hope this chick is a budding psychopath, that way I could somewhat understand it. But honestly it is more than likely the motive of the chick who threw the cat in the trash can: because she was bored or because she could.
This whole thing was especially ironic because my grandfather's girlfriend's daughter just died of drowning. I got into a conversation with my friend about it, he brought that someone once said they thought drowning would be peaceful. My friend and I, being clever ol' geniuses, clearly believe drowning would be agony. And nearly ten puppies got to experience it. It's a vicious world.
I mean what did I watch?! Gummo part 2! This isn't the first video that has gone viral displaying the abuse of a dog. A year or two back there was that infamous US soldier punting a puppy into some canyon in Iraq (god bless America, right?) and then there was the foreign video featuring some guys dropping a dog off of a bridge and then laughing as it moaned in pain...and don't let me forget you, Michael Vick. Cowards all of them. I would hang them by their thumbs for three days if I could. Although I'd say little miss puppy killer tops them all.
I was happy to hear however that many people were so outraged by the video that they are actually trying to find the girl who did this. The people of 4chan, who I guess double as a vigilante group, believed to have found the people responsible for the video/abuse and they are being harrassed. Still no one has come forward and no one has been legitimately tagged as the puppy killer. I personally hope some pseudo lynch mob finds this girl, because she is evil and she deserves to be punished.
There will be those out there, heartless people, who will regard this thing like the cat tosser did: the "it's just a dog, what's the big deal" rationale. Well fuckheads 1) it is not just a dog, it is several dogs, puppies in fact. 2) if they were just dogs, they wouldn't be called man's best friend, they matter. I know, plenty of human lives are wasted in situations just as pointless every day, but this is still a fucked up story. I once again bring up my wish that people like this should not be real.
Okay, I'm too angry. I'm done. Fuck the girl, fuck animal abuse, fuck this whole thing. I have nothing more to say.
This has been some thoughts on some really sick shit from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Is there anyone who believes people can be just bad? I mean bad like evil. Like they are just bad people inherently? Just asking.
Wow, it really seems as if I'm being bombarded with bullshit stories this week. Usually it's every other week but no I am just having a hard time understanding how much bad news I'm getting, personally and worldly. I will be brief about this if I can.
So this video has been posted on the internet, of this girl, who I think is Croation and looks to be anywhere from 14 to 25 (you know the type), and it's a short video of this girl down by a river and she has a box of puppies and she is cheerfully hurling them into the river, no doubt killing them. It is around 30 seconds long and it is sheer cruelty. PETA is tearing their hair out no doubt.
I just have got to ask: Why dogs? Puppies, specifically? Are you that much of a fucking sadist that its not enough to snuff something that can't really defend itself against you, but you have to kill the absolute picture of sweet and innocent. And this time a FUCKING BOX OF THEM! I almost hope this chick is a budding psychopath, that way I could somewhat understand it. But honestly it is more than likely the motive of the chick who threw the cat in the trash can: because she was bored or because she could.
This whole thing was especially ironic because my grandfather's girlfriend's daughter just died of drowning. I got into a conversation with my friend about it, he brought that someone once said they thought drowning would be peaceful. My friend and I, being clever ol' geniuses, clearly believe drowning would be agony. And nearly ten puppies got to experience it. It's a vicious world.
I mean what did I watch?! Gummo part 2! This isn't the first video that has gone viral displaying the abuse of a dog. A year or two back there was that infamous US soldier punting a puppy into some canyon in Iraq (god bless America, right?) and then there was the foreign video featuring some guys dropping a dog off of a bridge and then laughing as it moaned in pain...and don't let me forget you, Michael Vick. Cowards all of them. I would hang them by their thumbs for three days if I could. Although I'd say little miss puppy killer tops them all.
I was happy to hear however that many people were so outraged by the video that they are actually trying to find the girl who did this. The people of 4chan, who I guess double as a vigilante group, believed to have found the people responsible for the video/abuse and they are being harrassed. Still no one has come forward and no one has been legitimately tagged as the puppy killer. I personally hope some pseudo lynch mob finds this girl, because she is evil and she deserves to be punished.
There will be those out there, heartless people, who will regard this thing like the cat tosser did: the "it's just a dog, what's the big deal" rationale. Well fuckheads 1) it is not just a dog, it is several dogs, puppies in fact. 2) if they were just dogs, they wouldn't be called man's best friend, they matter. I know, plenty of human lives are wasted in situations just as pointless every day, but this is still a fucked up story. I once again bring up my wish that people like this should not be real.
Okay, I'm too angry. I'm done. Fuck the girl, fuck animal abuse, fuck this whole thing. I have nothing more to say.
This has been some thoughts on some really sick shit from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
"Black-speak"
"Brotha please!" - translation: Oh come on; yeah right or other variants
For those who think the title is racist, you're probably right. Black-speak is only the unpolite way of referring to Ebonics, which I also believe is a little racist. Oh right, for those who have not heard, Ebonics or the African American Vernacular English as it is clearly defined has been made an actual language. I'm just wondering if this is necessary.
Ebonics came to prominance during the days when Africans and African Americans were still enslaved, but since after their freedom it is has stuck around and apparently evolved just the same over time. But I don't quite think that because people have "unproper" word phrases, combinations, uses, colorful dialects, or just overall overkill of slang means that it should be a totally different language. Although I must admit it would be cool if Ebonics could be a foreign language course in schools (probably not, but just imagine). Ebonics really is just highly developed slang, and there whole groups of people all over who have variations of that. Are the Cockney speaking a totally different language too, I mean if Ebonics is pretty much black-speak than I guess Cockney is pretty much British-speak. I'm at an impasse at which speak is more fun.
I really don't know what kind of worldly or national effect this could bring about, probably not a very big one. I'm not even sure if this is correct. My sources could be wrong. It does sound a bit too ridiculous I think. Who knows there could be some positive things to Ebonics becoming a language: if I learned it I wouldn't have to keep rewinding scenes when I watch The Wire. It just goes to show that the 21st Century is becoming an interesting and undeniably absurd century every day. Oh 2oth, how I long for thee. I suppose it could be worse, my mom was born in 1969, right after Woodstock and the Moon Landing and a galore of other cool shit. What do I get? iPods, iPhones, iMac (think), iHome, fuckin' iPads, and now apparently Ebonics. Hardy-goddamn-har.
This has been Your Modest Guru's most racially ambiguous joint. Thanks for reading.
For those who think the title is racist, you're probably right. Black-speak is only the unpolite way of referring to Ebonics, which I also believe is a little racist. Oh right, for those who have not heard, Ebonics or the African American Vernacular English as it is clearly defined has been made an actual language. I'm just wondering if this is necessary.
Ebonics came to prominance during the days when Africans and African Americans were still enslaved, but since after their freedom it is has stuck around and apparently evolved just the same over time. But I don't quite think that because people have "unproper" word phrases, combinations, uses, colorful dialects, or just overall overkill of slang means that it should be a totally different language. Although I must admit it would be cool if Ebonics could be a foreign language course in schools (probably not, but just imagine). Ebonics really is just highly developed slang, and there whole groups of people all over who have variations of that. Are the Cockney speaking a totally different language too, I mean if Ebonics is pretty much black-speak than I guess Cockney is pretty much British-speak. I'm at an impasse at which speak is more fun.
I really don't know what kind of worldly or national effect this could bring about, probably not a very big one. I'm not even sure if this is correct. My sources could be wrong. It does sound a bit too ridiculous I think. Who knows there could be some positive things to Ebonics becoming a language: if I learned it I wouldn't have to keep rewinding scenes when I watch The Wire. It just goes to show that the 21st Century is becoming an interesting and undeniably absurd century every day. Oh 2oth, how I long for thee. I suppose it could be worse, my mom was born in 1969, right after Woodstock and the Moon Landing and a galore of other cool shit. What do I get? iPods, iPhones, iMac (think), iHome, fuckin' iPads, and now apparently Ebonics. Hardy-goddamn-har.
This has been Your Modest Guru's most racially ambiguous joint. Thanks for reading.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
The cat's in the bag
"Bitches be crazy." - modern expression
Okay so this is a short little rant about this recent event in which a woman in the UK was caught on a street camera walking along the street, saw a cat perched, and then, just for the hell of it I guess, put the cat into a nearby trash tin and left it there. The cat stayed there for around 15 hours before it was found by its owners.
So I often talk about just how fucking crazy people are in this world. This is one of the simpler examples. No deranged Austrian has to breed a family with his daughter in his basement, no father has to waterboard his child, Lindsey Lohan doesn't have to bawl her eyes out for having to spend a few weeks in jail, no some average ordinary woman can just be minding her business and then all of a sudden just toss a cat into a trash tin. Instant WTF.
This broad goes on to prove she is crazy just by the way she reacted when confronted by the authorities. She apparently didn't know what the big deal was, seeing as how it was just a cat, right? She also didn't know what she was doing was wrong and was just trying to be funny, that's sick enough but we can clearly see she is being as inconspicuous as possible before pushing the cat into the tin. My theory: this chick just wasn't a hunting girl as a kid so honing her homicidal tendacies was out of the picture, so whenever there's a random animal or something around she'll abuse it in some way. I've actually only heard of such a random and unproved act of animal cruelty, namely a cat, in one other place. It was actually in the book In Cold Blood by Truman Capote, where one of the killers apparently enjoyed running down stray cats he saw on the road. For those readers confused, yes, I am comparing this cat bagging British chick to one of the killers from In Cold Blood.
This whole thing is just so stupid. The things people do don't make sense. There was no motive, no logic, no reason behind this random act. Nope, this average ordinary person just knew she could and did it. That is my pet peeve motive. Any violent or terrible action is at least somewhat barable, but when someone does something bad "because they could", that is what I hate the most. After that the person isn't a villain, they aren't even a monster, they are just a douchebag. Fuck you, douchebags. All of you. Fuck you, random cat tosser. Fuck you, Mel Gibson. Fuck you, Jersey Shore cast. This just goes to show how even one of the most insignificant things can inspire wide and deep discussion. It's almost brilliant how much trouble this one woman caused just by getting the idea in her head to toss a cat into a trash tin. Because now I'm here in America talking and tearing my hair out about it. In that aspect, it's kind of an amazing world we live in. I'd think the world was great if people weren't so fucked up all the time.
This has been some ol' bullshit from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Okay so this is a short little rant about this recent event in which a woman in the UK was caught on a street camera walking along the street, saw a cat perched, and then, just for the hell of it I guess, put the cat into a nearby trash tin and left it there. The cat stayed there for around 15 hours before it was found by its owners.
So I often talk about just how fucking crazy people are in this world. This is one of the simpler examples. No deranged Austrian has to breed a family with his daughter in his basement, no father has to waterboard his child, Lindsey Lohan doesn't have to bawl her eyes out for having to spend a few weeks in jail, no some average ordinary woman can just be minding her business and then all of a sudden just toss a cat into a trash tin. Instant WTF.
This broad goes on to prove she is crazy just by the way she reacted when confronted by the authorities. She apparently didn't know what the big deal was, seeing as how it was just a cat, right? She also didn't know what she was doing was wrong and was just trying to be funny, that's sick enough but we can clearly see she is being as inconspicuous as possible before pushing the cat into the tin. My theory: this chick just wasn't a hunting girl as a kid so honing her homicidal tendacies was out of the picture, so whenever there's a random animal or something around she'll abuse it in some way. I've actually only heard of such a random and unproved act of animal cruelty, namely a cat, in one other place. It was actually in the book In Cold Blood by Truman Capote, where one of the killers apparently enjoyed running down stray cats he saw on the road. For those readers confused, yes, I am comparing this cat bagging British chick to one of the killers from In Cold Blood.
This whole thing is just so stupid. The things people do don't make sense. There was no motive, no logic, no reason behind this random act. Nope, this average ordinary person just knew she could and did it. That is my pet peeve motive. Any violent or terrible action is at least somewhat barable, but when someone does something bad "because they could", that is what I hate the most. After that the person isn't a villain, they aren't even a monster, they are just a douchebag. Fuck you, douchebags. All of you. Fuck you, random cat tosser. Fuck you, Mel Gibson. Fuck you, Jersey Shore cast. This just goes to show how even one of the most insignificant things can inspire wide and deep discussion. It's almost brilliant how much trouble this one woman caused just by getting the idea in her head to toss a cat into a trash tin. Because now I'm here in America talking and tearing my hair out about it. In that aspect, it's kind of an amazing world we live in. I'd think the world was great if people weren't so fucked up all the time.
This has been some ol' bullshit from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Vampires Suck: why bother
My first taste of the parody films was from the Wayans Brothers. Now their older stuff was hilarious, the hood movie parody Don't Be a Menace to South Central while drinking your Juice in da Hood, Scary Movie, Scary Movie 2 were all hilarious. Later the Scary Movie franchise was taken over by the folks behind the older parody films such as Airplane and The Naked Gun series, now these were chuckle worthy but not nearly as funny. But now Scary Movie has evaporated into nothing and a slew of movies that anyone with the slightest shred of taste in films could see from the promotion is terrible. I am talking about the films of writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, who have made such films as Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, and, very recently, Vampires Suck. These are young, aspiring filmmakers who watched the Wayans Brothers' films and said to themselves "Huh? I don't get it. I bet no one else will either. Let's make some movies that we understand." Unfortunately, the above filmography was the outcome of that decision.
Now these films have been bashed by almost every critic, major or otherwise, but I don't need them to tell me. No, I can find out these films are shit by way of two fundamental things: the trailers that give away just about every possible joke (lame as they are) and the reactions the people at my school have had to them (because most people at my school have very little taste in such things). Come on, Meet the Spartans? I could understand it if the trailers showed all of the jokes if the jokes had meaning, were intelligent, or were just, you know, good. But the jokes I see in these things seem to come out of nowhere (and they apparently do in the trailer), are parodies of other things instead of what the film claims to be parodying, or are just really lame. Take that joke about the "James gang" being the Black Eyed Peas in Vampires Suck. It doesn't make sense! Yes because The Black Eyed Peas consisted of three people, one black and two white. Only an idiot would actually make a joke like about the Twilight villians looking like The Black Eyed Peas. I believe that the critics at Spill.com said it right when they said the jokes made in the movie are jokes that could have been conceived by the fans of Twilight.
This begs another question. I go to school with many young ladies and older women who are immensely fond of Twilight and they all want to see this movie that mocks and parodies it, yet these same fans berate and are offended by the people who mock it on an every day basis. So it's not okay when someone with some taste mocks it, but when shitty filmmakers with no taste do it it's dandy? Hypocrisy anyone? Just shows how freaking weird some (hear me, SOME) Twilight fans are.
Anyway, the guys at Spill are right: I think audiences appreciate jokes more if they have to use their heads to get the jokes. I can also tell that the Spill crew is right when they say that the absolute majority of the jokes in Vampires Suck are just references to other things/"hey look at that, it's funny because it exists." That's not comedy! The rest I'm told is, as I predicted, "comedy" that consists of jokes that haven't been funny in years (prat falls, being hit over the head, flatulence, there's probably even a few animal reaction shots). I really don't see the point of this movie. Why watch inconceivably famous people make lame jokes about Twilight when millions of regular people can make good jokes about Twilight. Vampires Suck, if anything, only adds to Twilight's ever growing popularity. I'm getting the feeling the series is even starting to overshadow the work of Anne Rice or, dare I say it, Bram Stoker.
None of this changes anything. I don't heed the call of Twilight fans who urge me to read the series one because the only fans I trust are a few friends (most of whom think Vampires Suck looks hilarious) and my brother (because Twilight may be the only book he has read for himself). The only vampire book I plan to read anytime soon (which is probably way off still) is Stephen King's 'Salem's Lot. Why? Because my dad (who knows his books) said it was the best vampire book he's ever read, and my dad's word means a lot more than the word of the Twihards', many of whom are people who can't imagine why I wouldn't read Twilight yet scoff when I suggest to them The Dark Tower. I'm sure one day I will pick up each Twilight book and read them dilligently and set them down and realize that I was a fool all along but for now I'm sticking with what I know is good.
Anyway, yeah, Vampires Sucks looks awful and you won't convince me otherwise. I recommend you have your children watch good movies and good literature at very young ages, graphic or not, because they will develop good taste and therefore sense and gravitate away from the bad shit.
This has been some intuition from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Now these films have been bashed by almost every critic, major or otherwise, but I don't need them to tell me. No, I can find out these films are shit by way of two fundamental things: the trailers that give away just about every possible joke (lame as they are) and the reactions the people at my school have had to them (because most people at my school have very little taste in such things). Come on, Meet the Spartans? I could understand it if the trailers showed all of the jokes if the jokes had meaning, were intelligent, or were just, you know, good. But the jokes I see in these things seem to come out of nowhere (and they apparently do in the trailer), are parodies of other things instead of what the film claims to be parodying, or are just really lame. Take that joke about the "James gang" being the Black Eyed Peas in Vampires Suck. It doesn't make sense! Yes because The Black Eyed Peas consisted of three people, one black and two white. Only an idiot would actually make a joke like about the Twilight villians looking like The Black Eyed Peas. I believe that the critics at Spill.com said it right when they said the jokes made in the movie are jokes that could have been conceived by the fans of Twilight.
This begs another question. I go to school with many young ladies and older women who are immensely fond of Twilight and they all want to see this movie that mocks and parodies it, yet these same fans berate and are offended by the people who mock it on an every day basis. So it's not okay when someone with some taste mocks it, but when shitty filmmakers with no taste do it it's dandy? Hypocrisy anyone? Just shows how freaking weird some (hear me, SOME) Twilight fans are.
Anyway, the guys at Spill are right: I think audiences appreciate jokes more if they have to use their heads to get the jokes. I can also tell that the Spill crew is right when they say that the absolute majority of the jokes in Vampires Suck are just references to other things/"hey look at that, it's funny because it exists." That's not comedy! The rest I'm told is, as I predicted, "comedy" that consists of jokes that haven't been funny in years (prat falls, being hit over the head, flatulence, there's probably even a few animal reaction shots). I really don't see the point of this movie. Why watch inconceivably famous people make lame jokes about Twilight when millions of regular people can make good jokes about Twilight. Vampires Suck, if anything, only adds to Twilight's ever growing popularity. I'm getting the feeling the series is even starting to overshadow the work of Anne Rice or, dare I say it, Bram Stoker.
None of this changes anything. I don't heed the call of Twilight fans who urge me to read the series one because the only fans I trust are a few friends (most of whom think Vampires Suck looks hilarious) and my brother (because Twilight may be the only book he has read for himself). The only vampire book I plan to read anytime soon (which is probably way off still) is Stephen King's 'Salem's Lot. Why? Because my dad (who knows his books) said it was the best vampire book he's ever read, and my dad's word means a lot more than the word of the Twihards', many of whom are people who can't imagine why I wouldn't read Twilight yet scoff when I suggest to them The Dark Tower. I'm sure one day I will pick up each Twilight book and read them dilligently and set them down and realize that I was a fool all along but for now I'm sticking with what I know is good.
Anyway, yeah, Vampires Sucks looks awful and you won't convince me otherwise. I recommend you have your children watch good movies and good literature at very young ages, graphic or not, because they will develop good taste and therefore sense and gravitate away from the bad shit.
This has been some intuition from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Frustrated yet witty title
"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve niether and lose both." - Benjamin Franklin
I hate people sometimes. Scratch that. I hate people a lot of times. I'd kill em all if I could. But let's be serious. You aren't here to listen to me talk about my fantasies, you are here to listen to me talk about our reality. What concerns us all. What should concern us all. And what is absolutely, positively, extremely, frustratingly, unethically, disgracefully, immorally, ludicrously, inevitably wrong with our reality sometimes.
What I'm going to talk about is some pretty bad people. I hope I won't sound like I'm pushing some kind of message, because there's nothing I hate more than people talking down to other people. And I don't want to criticize the beliefs of whoever reads my blog. I mean if you're reading my blog, I am thankful as hell and it is much obliged that you give a damn. Anyway, on to the bad guys.
By a message, I meant of course a political message. The people I am talking about are politicians. They are what is called Conservative these days. Liberals and Conservatives, why have these lables. Everybody is a liberal about some things and conservatives about others. Okay screw it, I'm calling them Donkeys and Elephants, and the Independants will be Snails (I saw a mock Party logo that was funny). So being the spawn of two particularly Donkey oriented but outspoken Snail people, I have had my qualms with the Elephant group. But in the past I more often than not have only disagreed with what the Elephants were doing. There is nothing wrong with that, I disagree with plenty of people about plenty of things. I mean as somewhat of a Donkey oriented Snail I too have had problems with The Donkies. But lately the Elephants are just kind of loose cannons. The things they propose and the things they do do not sit well with me. Take this Angle woman, a new Elephant oriented politician that has hit the scene. She seems to be urging the integration between church and state, which goes against old constitutional rules. Some have talked of making so that American workers cannot retire until they are at age 70. That's ten more years for grandpa. Then there is talk of changing the 14th Amendment and making it so the children of immigrants, illegal or otherwise, cannot have US citizenship if they are in fact born in the United States. So it's not enough that we are going after the adults, or at least the illegal adults who are in fact guilty (though their intentions are understandable), but now we have to go after the children. Isn't that kind of, uh, heartless? WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?!? They are even talking about internment camps for immigrants. Because if barbed wire fences and a tent for the whole family doesn't scream American Dream I don't know what does. I don't wanna tell the Elephants how to do their job but if I could I'd say "Think of the people. Think of the children."
The other people I wanna talk about are far worst. They take religion, one of the most influential things in the world, something that is supposed to be good and inspiring, and turn it into something ugly. I am of course talking about the horror of humanity The Westboro Baptist Church. No one else is as hate mongering, infuriating, revolting, and absolutely inhuman. They are the KKK without the white suits, or at least they're gonna be. The brain child behind this cheery congregation of cunts is a mister Fred Phelps. I know some people who don't like old people. I can never really understand why. Fred Phelps is why. He is such a stereotypical old, angry, bible thumping bag of bones it'd be cartoonish if he wasn't an actual person. A man in his 70s, Phelps has had quite the charmed life: he's been arrested for numerous assualt cases, has reportedly abused his children, and started a church that has hellfire gospels galore, in turn creating a generation that will spawn more generations of angry, radical, religious fanatics. The pass times of the Westboro Baptist Church are picketing the funerals of soldiers, gays, and I guess these days nerds, hating America, and making me want to trip balls so as not to think about them. If this is what a proposed God digs, as they claim, I really want nothing to do with him and I will gladly go to hell for that. Phelps' daughter, whose name I didn't bother to remember or chose to forget, is considered the most hated woman in America. She explains with a homely, calm smile on her face that things like 9/11, Columbine, Virginia Tech, the wars, death, destruction, mayhem are "awesome." None of it registers as pain and suffering to this woman, it only means we are getting closer and closer to Armageddon and the Apocalypse. Her teenage daughters, who seem like pretty and ordinary young women, have said with teenage girl giggles how they've been taught and do hate America. Oh yes, I'm not lying when I say that Phelps has said that if anybody has gotten the way to practice religion right in the world (ya know, his way) it'd be the Taliban. Also when asked about the parts of the bible in which God displays his forgiveness and kindness, Phelps says outright that "whoever says that obviously has never read The Bible a day in their life" and I'm pretty sure went on to criticize them and a dozen other things. The insanity of the WBC is so great that they have recently protested Comic Con, where all the hardcore nerds flock every year, believing it to be a form of idol worship. The nerds of Comic Con protested back in response however. I mean it is honestly remarkable how fucking crazy this guy and his group is. They might as well put up a sign saying "RACISTS, FANATICS, ANGRY OLD FOLKS, COME ON IN AND HATE TOGETHER" because if history has taught us anything, really hateful people like to band together with other really hateful people to hate everything. Fuckin' conformist fucks! I mean I know I say there are people out there I want to die and I usually don't really mean it, but this time I am pretty sure I mean it. I really want these people to die. You hear stories about how God has a church cave in on his worshippers (so says Hannibal) but it's usually good religious people. Why can't the bad guys by smited?
PEOPLE LIKE THIS SHOULD NOT. BE. REAL! They are people I sometimes think don't deserve to breathe the same air as me. People that make me feel bad that I am a person. Isn't that a terrible thing to feel. Like you are almost ashamed to be cut from the same cloth as someone else. I'm no saint, but I like to think I'm a pretty good guy. But I'm also a conflicted and, admittedly, angry person. It might just be a period in my life. For all I know I could do a total 180, a C.S. Lewis if you will, in the future where I'm a non-descript, polite, straight laced accountant paying for my kids tuition, going to church, choosing self gratification as opposed to marital relations, living in a small town just a few miles from where I used to live, watching Lifetime TV movies and Two and a Half Men reruns, and wondering what happened to who I used to be. Maybe, but let's hope not. Right now I'm a cynical bastard, who feels and thinks too much, wants to do something that has meaning, wants to live in some other country for three years, who knows he will struggle and win some and lose some, who has a distinct personality people would remember, who would gladly make love to a wife or domestic partner or possibly a ONS (One Night Stand abbreviated), who watches HBO and Showtime, who likes pondering the mysteries of the universe instead of knowing, who is on a journey to figure out who he is. I'll try to be that person for as long as I can. I'm trying to be that way right now. But the way I am right now, I can't even kill a bug without saying "sorry," and feeling like shit afterward (Not extremely, I mean given the ant hills I crushed as a kid I should feel like Hitler but it's not like that). That being said, when I have the knowledge that people so horrifying can be in this world I just don't know how I can stand it. But I do stand it. I stand because we all have to stand it and if I couldn't I wouldn't make it in the world. I bottle up the hate I have for it, it and the bullshit that looks me in the eyes every day. And I'm gonna try to keep standing it until someday hopefully it doesn't bother me as much as it does now. I find it a lot easier to say "I'll try" than to say "I will." All I really can do is try. Win or lose, I'll still try.
[I watched Chaplin the other night. I've never seen an actual Charlie Chaplin movie but I've seen a scene from one that really spoke to me. And for anyone who would like to know how I, and how I would like for everyone to view things, I'd recommend you all look a Chaplin's speech from The Great Dictator. Really listen to it. I wish things could be that way.]
This has been a fight to fulfill a promise from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
I hate people sometimes. Scratch that. I hate people a lot of times. I'd kill em all if I could. But let's be serious. You aren't here to listen to me talk about my fantasies, you are here to listen to me talk about our reality. What concerns us all. What should concern us all. And what is absolutely, positively, extremely, frustratingly, unethically, disgracefully, immorally, ludicrously, inevitably wrong with our reality sometimes.
What I'm going to talk about is some pretty bad people. I hope I won't sound like I'm pushing some kind of message, because there's nothing I hate more than people talking down to other people. And I don't want to criticize the beliefs of whoever reads my blog. I mean if you're reading my blog, I am thankful as hell and it is much obliged that you give a damn. Anyway, on to the bad guys.
By a message, I meant of course a political message. The people I am talking about are politicians. They are what is called Conservative these days. Liberals and Conservatives, why have these lables. Everybody is a liberal about some things and conservatives about others. Okay screw it, I'm calling them Donkeys and Elephants, and the Independants will be Snails (I saw a mock Party logo that was funny). So being the spawn of two particularly Donkey oriented but outspoken Snail people, I have had my qualms with the Elephant group. But in the past I more often than not have only disagreed with what the Elephants were doing. There is nothing wrong with that, I disagree with plenty of people about plenty of things. I mean as somewhat of a Donkey oriented Snail I too have had problems with The Donkies. But lately the Elephants are just kind of loose cannons. The things they propose and the things they do do not sit well with me. Take this Angle woman, a new Elephant oriented politician that has hit the scene. She seems to be urging the integration between church and state, which goes against old constitutional rules. Some have talked of making so that American workers cannot retire until they are at age 70. That's ten more years for grandpa. Then there is talk of changing the 14th Amendment and making it so the children of immigrants, illegal or otherwise, cannot have US citizenship if they are in fact born in the United States. So it's not enough that we are going after the adults, or at least the illegal adults who are in fact guilty (though their intentions are understandable), but now we have to go after the children. Isn't that kind of, uh, heartless? WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?!? They are even talking about internment camps for immigrants. Because if barbed wire fences and a tent for the whole family doesn't scream American Dream I don't know what does. I don't wanna tell the Elephants how to do their job but if I could I'd say "Think of the people. Think of the children."
The other people I wanna talk about are far worst. They take religion, one of the most influential things in the world, something that is supposed to be good and inspiring, and turn it into something ugly. I am of course talking about the horror of humanity The Westboro Baptist Church. No one else is as hate mongering, infuriating, revolting, and absolutely inhuman. They are the KKK without the white suits, or at least they're gonna be. The brain child behind this cheery congregation of cunts is a mister Fred Phelps. I know some people who don't like old people. I can never really understand why. Fred Phelps is why. He is such a stereotypical old, angry, bible thumping bag of bones it'd be cartoonish if he wasn't an actual person. A man in his 70s, Phelps has had quite the charmed life: he's been arrested for numerous assualt cases, has reportedly abused his children, and started a church that has hellfire gospels galore, in turn creating a generation that will spawn more generations of angry, radical, religious fanatics. The pass times of the Westboro Baptist Church are picketing the funerals of soldiers, gays, and I guess these days nerds, hating America, and making me want to trip balls so as not to think about them. If this is what a proposed God digs, as they claim, I really want nothing to do with him and I will gladly go to hell for that. Phelps' daughter, whose name I didn't bother to remember or chose to forget, is considered the most hated woman in America. She explains with a homely, calm smile on her face that things like 9/11, Columbine, Virginia Tech, the wars, death, destruction, mayhem are "awesome." None of it registers as pain and suffering to this woman, it only means we are getting closer and closer to Armageddon and the Apocalypse. Her teenage daughters, who seem like pretty and ordinary young women, have said with teenage girl giggles how they've been taught and do hate America. Oh yes, I'm not lying when I say that Phelps has said that if anybody has gotten the way to practice religion right in the world (ya know, his way) it'd be the Taliban. Also when asked about the parts of the bible in which God displays his forgiveness and kindness, Phelps says outright that "whoever says that obviously has never read The Bible a day in their life" and I'm pretty sure went on to criticize them and a dozen other things. The insanity of the WBC is so great that they have recently protested Comic Con, where all the hardcore nerds flock every year, believing it to be a form of idol worship. The nerds of Comic Con protested back in response however. I mean it is honestly remarkable how fucking crazy this guy and his group is. They might as well put up a sign saying "RACISTS, FANATICS, ANGRY OLD FOLKS, COME ON IN AND HATE TOGETHER" because if history has taught us anything, really hateful people like to band together with other really hateful people to hate everything. Fuckin' conformist fucks! I mean I know I say there are people out there I want to die and I usually don't really mean it, but this time I am pretty sure I mean it. I really want these people to die. You hear stories about how God has a church cave in on his worshippers (so says Hannibal) but it's usually good religious people. Why can't the bad guys by smited?
PEOPLE LIKE THIS SHOULD NOT. BE. REAL! They are people I sometimes think don't deserve to breathe the same air as me. People that make me feel bad that I am a person. Isn't that a terrible thing to feel. Like you are almost ashamed to be cut from the same cloth as someone else. I'm no saint, but I like to think I'm a pretty good guy. But I'm also a conflicted and, admittedly, angry person. It might just be a period in my life. For all I know I could do a total 180, a C.S. Lewis if you will, in the future where I'm a non-descript, polite, straight laced accountant paying for my kids tuition, going to church, choosing self gratification as opposed to marital relations, living in a small town just a few miles from where I used to live, watching Lifetime TV movies and Two and a Half Men reruns, and wondering what happened to who I used to be. Maybe, but let's hope not. Right now I'm a cynical bastard, who feels and thinks too much, wants to do something that has meaning, wants to live in some other country for three years, who knows he will struggle and win some and lose some, who has a distinct personality people would remember, who would gladly make love to a wife or domestic partner or possibly a ONS (One Night Stand abbreviated), who watches HBO and Showtime, who likes pondering the mysteries of the universe instead of knowing, who is on a journey to figure out who he is. I'll try to be that person for as long as I can. I'm trying to be that way right now. But the way I am right now, I can't even kill a bug without saying "sorry," and feeling like shit afterward (Not extremely, I mean given the ant hills I crushed as a kid I should feel like Hitler but it's not like that). That being said, when I have the knowledge that people so horrifying can be in this world I just don't know how I can stand it. But I do stand it. I stand because we all have to stand it and if I couldn't I wouldn't make it in the world. I bottle up the hate I have for it, it and the bullshit that looks me in the eyes every day. And I'm gonna try to keep standing it until someday hopefully it doesn't bother me as much as it does now. I find it a lot easier to say "I'll try" than to say "I will." All I really can do is try. Win or lose, I'll still try.
[I watched Chaplin the other night. I've never seen an actual Charlie Chaplin movie but I've seen a scene from one that really spoke to me. And for anyone who would like to know how I, and how I would like for everyone to view things, I'd recommend you all look a Chaplin's speech from The Great Dictator. Really listen to it. I wish things could be that way.]
This has been a fight to fulfill a promise from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
What may come of dreams
DISCLAIMER: ANYTHING THE BLOGGER KNOWN AS YOUR MODEST GURU SAYS IN THIS POST IS PURELY SPECULATIVE, SATIRICAL OR USED TO MESS WITH PEOPLE'S HEADS. YOUR MODEST GURU DOES NOT PARTAKE IN DRUGUSE WHILE WRITING TO HIS FANS IN FEAR THAT HE IS MIMICKING RENOWNED GONZO JOURNALIST HUNTER S. THOMPSON. ANYONE OFFENDED BY THE FOLLOWING NONSENSICAL RANT SHOULD EITHER STOP READING OR SIMPLY GROW A SENSE OF HUMOUR.
"Dreams are the touchstones of our characters." - Henry David Thoreau
No, I am not familiar with the work of Henry David Thoreau. I got it off of Wikiquote two minutes ago. I do that with almost every one of my precious quotes, and the majority of my information and facts comes from Wikipedia and Youtube sources. So now you can clearly see I am almost totally transparent. How's that for modesty you cocksu--
(YOU MUST EXCUSE YMG. IT IS MEDICATION TIME. MEDICATION TIME.)
I have to apologize for what happened before, I replaced the uppers I got from the guy on the corner with downers my struggling artist friend Lionel supplied. Fortunately I am now stoned out of my mind, and therefore I am in the right mindset to do this post. In this post I will be giving you my input on funny existential things like the mysteries of the human mind, dreams, hallucinogenic drug research, and tons of other gibberish inspired by my current state. Let's begin,
First off I just have to say, I LOVE spam and green beans. It's the goods. Mmmmm......
Anyways, dreams have always perplexed human beings. Some people try to find meaning within them. Most people think it is just their imaginations working overtime while they sleep. Some people believe dreams are a passage way into different realms and reveal knowledge beyond human comprehension. I honestly don't know. I think it's just one of those mysteries of life that we may never solve.
What spawned these thoughts, aside from my recent viewing of the cinematic mindfuck pleasure that was Inception, was my recent introduction to the widely popular hallucinogenic Dimethyltryptamine (tee hee, try saying that ten times fast). This drug can be found in plants and certain areas within animals and humans. It is believed the drug, abbreviated DMT, plays a key role in dreams, near-death experiences, and supposed alien sightings. It is something of a brief trip to the road of your own subconscious. The experience is different for everyone, but many come back with similar and positive viewpoints on it. Whatever visceral world they are brought to leaves them with a sort of renewed sense of the world. I won't try DMT anytime soon for a number of reasons. 1, because I need to start taking actual psychedelic drugs before I try something this big. 2, because DMT is the most expensive psychedelic out there. 3, because a user of DMT has said it is not wise to try DMT until you have a clear understanding of how things in the world work.
Though the prospect that DMT reveals a deeper part of a person's subconscious in a sort of waking dream rather than vivid hallucinations raises an old theory of mine. A quick trip that apparently supplies people with some further insight into the world and maybe even the universe itself. If the average human being uses 10% of their brain, with NASA scientists and various other Einsteins using slightly more, and with all we've accomplished with that 10 to 15 or 20 percents, than what would happen if we were able to tap in to the full hundred percent? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that DMT can grant that kind of brain power (if I'm right, at the very most it only shows a glimpse into our full potential). But if by some miracle we were able to harness that knowledge, human beings could possibly leave behind any primordial part and be like these godlike beings. It would be as if for the past few thousand years we've existed we've had this unfathomable power locked inside of us. But I guess that saying that is kind of like saying the mind is a prison for our true essence. Maybe that's what god or deities like it are, if there are such things, an essence rather than something with a mind. I don't know, I'm getting too what iffy about all this. Just a theory.
I never like to believe anyone's "the meaning of it all theories" because really I think if there is a meaning of it all we aren't supposed to know what it is. And if I did know, it probably wouldn't make me any happier or sadder about my life. No drug, no dream, no one can give me any sense that there is some way someone like me can be blessed with knowledge such as that. I never liked the idea that when we die we either go to a paradise if we were obedient and devout or a prison if we were disobedient and bad, nor do I like the idea that our minds evaporate and our bodies just rot in the dirt. When I die, if anything has to happen, I would only like to be shown the answer to that question: the meaning of it all. After that I think I'd become one with the universe and that's what happens when we die. Still, I don't really know. Can't know.
I will only say dream on and don't think as much about this as I obviously do. It makes your head hurt.
This has been a little trip down the rabbit hole with Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
"Dreams are the touchstones of our characters." - Henry David Thoreau
No, I am not familiar with the work of Henry David Thoreau. I got it off of Wikiquote two minutes ago. I do that with almost every one of my precious quotes, and the majority of my information and facts comes from Wikipedia and Youtube sources. So now you can clearly see I am almost totally transparent. How's that for modesty you cocksu--
(YOU MUST EXCUSE YMG. IT IS MEDICATION TIME. MEDICATION TIME.)
I have to apologize for what happened before, I replaced the uppers I got from the guy on the corner with downers my struggling artist friend Lionel supplied. Fortunately I am now stoned out of my mind, and therefore I am in the right mindset to do this post. In this post I will be giving you my input on funny existential things like the mysteries of the human mind, dreams, hallucinogenic drug research, and tons of other gibberish inspired by my current state. Let's begin,
First off I just have to say, I LOVE spam and green beans. It's the goods. Mmmmm......
Anyways, dreams have always perplexed human beings. Some people try to find meaning within them. Most people think it is just their imaginations working overtime while they sleep. Some people believe dreams are a passage way into different realms and reveal knowledge beyond human comprehension. I honestly don't know. I think it's just one of those mysteries of life that we may never solve.
What spawned these thoughts, aside from my recent viewing of the cinematic mindfuck pleasure that was Inception, was my recent introduction to the widely popular hallucinogenic Dimethyltryptamine (tee hee, try saying that ten times fast). This drug can be found in plants and certain areas within animals and humans. It is believed the drug, abbreviated DMT, plays a key role in dreams, near-death experiences, and supposed alien sightings. It is something of a brief trip to the road of your own subconscious. The experience is different for everyone, but many come back with similar and positive viewpoints on it. Whatever visceral world they are brought to leaves them with a sort of renewed sense of the world. I won't try DMT anytime soon for a number of reasons. 1, because I need to start taking actual psychedelic drugs before I try something this big. 2, because DMT is the most expensive psychedelic out there. 3, because a user of DMT has said it is not wise to try DMT until you have a clear understanding of how things in the world work.
Though the prospect that DMT reveals a deeper part of a person's subconscious in a sort of waking dream rather than vivid hallucinations raises an old theory of mine. A quick trip that apparently supplies people with some further insight into the world and maybe even the universe itself. If the average human being uses 10% of their brain, with NASA scientists and various other Einsteins using slightly more, and with all we've accomplished with that 10 to 15 or 20 percents, than what would happen if we were able to tap in to the full hundred percent? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that DMT can grant that kind of brain power (if I'm right, at the very most it only shows a glimpse into our full potential). But if by some miracle we were able to harness that knowledge, human beings could possibly leave behind any primordial part and be like these godlike beings. It would be as if for the past few thousand years we've existed we've had this unfathomable power locked inside of us. But I guess that saying that is kind of like saying the mind is a prison for our true essence. Maybe that's what god or deities like it are, if there are such things, an essence rather than something with a mind. I don't know, I'm getting too what iffy about all this. Just a theory.
I never like to believe anyone's "the meaning of it all theories" because really I think if there is a meaning of it all we aren't supposed to know what it is. And if I did know, it probably wouldn't make me any happier or sadder about my life. No drug, no dream, no one can give me any sense that there is some way someone like me can be blessed with knowledge such as that. I never liked the idea that when we die we either go to a paradise if we were obedient and devout or a prison if we were disobedient and bad, nor do I like the idea that our minds evaporate and our bodies just rot in the dirt. When I die, if anything has to happen, I would only like to be shown the answer to that question: the meaning of it all. After that I think I'd become one with the universe and that's what happens when we die. Still, I don't really know. Can't know.
I will only say dream on and don't think as much about this as I obviously do. It makes your head hurt.
This has been a little trip down the rabbit hole with Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Recent News that I probably should have talked about sooner
I realize I've been shying away from real news for a long while now, preferring instead to give my thoughts and poorly edited listings of things like Lost, movie reviews, and other things that really could have been shelved in favor of the things that matter. So now I will go through and talk about some of the real news that's been going for the past few months or so that I missed. If I forget anything I'm sorry, I am modest so I admit I make mistakes.
1. BP had a massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, killing countless sea life and building up large amounts of pollution. I feel like a dick for not saying something sooner, but in truth, everyone was talking about it so I really don't think I would've said anything different.
2. Jersey Shore is fucking bullshit. I'd said it's just my opinion, but honestly, it is not. And yes, I do think that comes second to the oil spill. IT'S THAT BAD!!!
3. Eminem proves once again he is one of, if not the greatest rap artist with his new album Recovery. Recovery, indeed.
4. Mel Gibson, an actor and filmmaker I have deep respect for, loses major points once again for his near psychotic treatment of his wife. This time, not only do his outrageous prejudices come out, but also his misogyny, pettiness, and violent temper. Real classy, Mel.
5. Lindsay Lohan goes to jail. Tragic, that poor soul finally lost. Just didn't when to say when--Oh wait, it's only for 90 days. Than why the hell was she bawling her eyes out in court. She has been arrested for drug and alcohol abuse, violated probation, avoided rehab meetings, caused several car accidents, fleed the scenes of said accidents, lied to the authorities numerous times, will probably be pampered to no ends in prison due to her celebrity status, and only has to spend two months there. I think you will survive, honey. I realize she was more than likely crying not because of the length of her term (short as it is), but because of the realization of how bad she's screwed up. Though that is understandable, I still think even she had to have seen this coming.
6. A woman puts her son up for adoption when she is younger and is kept up to date on him for about thirteen years via the adoptive parents, until recently. After this, she searches for him on Facebook, finds him, befriends him both on the web and in person, and then sleeps with him multiple times...Charming. She is awaiting a nine to thirty year prison term, and I must again simply ask: what did you think was gonna happen. The real shame is this woman was pretty attractive. I don't know if it makes this better or worse. Neither.
7. The Dark Tower movie adaptation's makers has been changed since director J.J. Abrams and writers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse (the creative team behind Lost) have left the project, sadly. Now the guys behind the adaptation are Academy Award winning director Ron Howard (Frost/Nixon, A Beautiful Mind, The DaVinci Code, Apollo 13) and writer Akiva Goldsman (A Beautiful Mind, The DaVinci Code, I Am Legend). This is a good duo and I'm sure they will make a decent movie out of the series. Though I do have my doubts. They plan to make the seven book series into a movie trilogy and I haven't forgotten the bad these two have wrought as well. Howard did direct the How the Grinch Stole Christmas movie and Goldsman was the writer of Batman and Robin and Lost in Space. Keeping my fingers crossed.
8. The Healthcare Reform has proven, to me at least, fairly unaffective. The bastards who are supposed to help us and save our lives prove once again how fucking cheap and thieving they really are.
9. Lebron James has teamed with the Miami Heat. I don't know if this is good or bad.
10. Julia Gillard became the first female Prime Minister of Australia. Good for her, maybe America can learn by example in the future. wink wink
11. Oh, looks like they've finally fixed that broken BP oil rig. No more pollution and death for you, sea life. I guess they could resolve the issue after about a month. They didn't even need the help of experts like Kevin Costner and James Cameron. God bless, Britain. But not BP, no.
Well that's all on wavelength right now. If more should be there, I once again apologize, for my mind does generally inhabit the world of entertainment and media. In fact most of this "real news" was media related. Oh dammit, I'M A FAILURE!!!
This has been what passes for news for Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
1. BP had a massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, killing countless sea life and building up large amounts of pollution. I feel like a dick for not saying something sooner, but in truth, everyone was talking about it so I really don't think I would've said anything different.
2. Jersey Shore is fucking bullshit. I'd said it's just my opinion, but honestly, it is not. And yes, I do think that comes second to the oil spill. IT'S THAT BAD!!!
3. Eminem proves once again he is one of, if not the greatest rap artist with his new album Recovery. Recovery, indeed.
4. Mel Gibson, an actor and filmmaker I have deep respect for, loses major points once again for his near psychotic treatment of his wife. This time, not only do his outrageous prejudices come out, but also his misogyny, pettiness, and violent temper. Real classy, Mel.
5. Lindsay Lohan goes to jail. Tragic, that poor soul finally lost. Just didn't when to say when--Oh wait, it's only for 90 days. Than why the hell was she bawling her eyes out in court. She has been arrested for drug and alcohol abuse, violated probation, avoided rehab meetings, caused several car accidents, fleed the scenes of said accidents, lied to the authorities numerous times, will probably be pampered to no ends in prison due to her celebrity status, and only has to spend two months there. I think you will survive, honey. I realize she was more than likely crying not because of the length of her term (short as it is), but because of the realization of how bad she's screwed up. Though that is understandable, I still think even she had to have seen this coming.
6. A woman puts her son up for adoption when she is younger and is kept up to date on him for about thirteen years via the adoptive parents, until recently. After this, she searches for him on Facebook, finds him, befriends him both on the web and in person, and then sleeps with him multiple times...Charming. She is awaiting a nine to thirty year prison term, and I must again simply ask: what did you think was gonna happen. The real shame is this woman was pretty attractive. I don't know if it makes this better or worse. Neither.
7. The Dark Tower movie adaptation's makers has been changed since director J.J. Abrams and writers Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse (the creative team behind Lost) have left the project, sadly. Now the guys behind the adaptation are Academy Award winning director Ron Howard (Frost/Nixon, A Beautiful Mind, The DaVinci Code, Apollo 13) and writer Akiva Goldsman (A Beautiful Mind, The DaVinci Code, I Am Legend). This is a good duo and I'm sure they will make a decent movie out of the series. Though I do have my doubts. They plan to make the seven book series into a movie trilogy and I haven't forgotten the bad these two have wrought as well. Howard did direct the How the Grinch Stole Christmas movie and Goldsman was the writer of Batman and Robin and Lost in Space. Keeping my fingers crossed.
8. The Healthcare Reform has proven, to me at least, fairly unaffective. The bastards who are supposed to help us and save our lives prove once again how fucking cheap and thieving they really are.
9. Lebron James has teamed with the Miami Heat. I don't know if this is good or bad.
10. Julia Gillard became the first female Prime Minister of Australia. Good for her, maybe America can learn by example in the future. wink wink
11. Oh, looks like they've finally fixed that broken BP oil rig. No more pollution and death for you, sea life. I guess they could resolve the issue after about a month. They didn't even need the help of experts like Kevin Costner and James Cameron. God bless, Britain. But not BP, no.
Well that's all on wavelength right now. If more should be there, I once again apologize, for my mind does generally inhabit the world of entertainment and media. In fact most of this "real news" was media related. Oh dammit, I'M A FAILURE!!!
This has been what passes for news for Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Monday, July 12, 2010
What I've Been Watching
After a combination of Netflix and Lost reawakened my thirst for television drama, I've been watching quite a few shows. Some have been fantastic, others not as gripping. Here are my thoughts on the shows I've been watching.
LOST
A truly addictive and epic saga. Lost is perhaps one of the smartest and most entertaining stories I've been familiar with. It has everything you could possibly want. It is also very rare to see a show with a mythology as complex as this be so very character driven. It is edgy, complex and one helluva journey. Lost is a show you cannot turn away from and are missing out if you haven't watched it (I guarentee you'll make time for it and fly through it fast.) I am very sad that it is over.
DEXTER
A Showtime drama that puts a new spin on the CSI/Law and Order type of drama by placing a vigilante serial killer in the police department. Many people are repulsed to even try to watch Dexter due to the whole serial killer element. Dexter is probably the goriest show I've seen, but ironically it is also one of the sweetest. Supreme acting by the main cast, clever and intelligent writing, and unbelieveably suspenseful. There are a lot of shows where the audience is either restricted to the side of good or the side of evil by a line. When watching Dexter, you can feel free and are even totally willing to walk back and forth past that line. It is a lot of fun to watch, and it is very fascinating when you end up liking and even loving the deranged but good intentioned Dexter and applaud him when he kills the very worst people.
SUPERNATURAL
Being a childhood fan of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and Angel, it was good having yet another and even more appealing monster-fighting show running. It's almost as perfect a show for me like Lost and Dexter: two badass rock n' roll enthusiastic brothers drive across America in their classic muscle car full of guns and mystical items all to fight the forces of evil. There is almost never a dull moment. Supernatural is an action-horror series for the books. It is a show that really doesn't get as much praise as it should.
RED VS. BLUE
An internet show that really gave machinima a name. Red vs. Blue has evolved almost as much as Star Trek over the years. Once using edited Halo gameplay and voice acting to tell a story, they have recently gone into the use of CGI which makes for even more astonishing entertainment. Red vs. Blue is also clever and funny as hell while also having an always interesting and growing storyline. Based around a civil war between two teams that consist of very idiotic and lazy anti-heroes, Red vs. Blue isn't what you'd expect when first viewing. I watched it, I stuck with it, and I wasn't disappointed.
BREAKING BAD
A crime drama like Dexter where it deals with characters that are realistic and utterly human despite all of the incredible and bizarre things happening around them. The concept is just terrific: Walter White is an ordinary family man and chemistry teacher, but after learning he has terminal cancer he sets out to make a profit by cooking crystal meth with the help of his former student, hoping to leave the money he makes for his family. It has powerful acting (Bryan Cranston is one of the best on TV) and very smart writing. It's a darkly comedic but often very intense and depressing look at how far people will go to protect what's theirs and also how evil people can be. It is stark, haunting, clever, and always intriguing.
CALIFORNICATION
This is a show that appeals to my latent older self, because I imagine I will be a lot like Hank Moody when I'm older. A down in the dumps, sarcastic, cynical, easily distracted, middle aged struggling author (just minus all of the sex.) This another Showtime series where, despite its dark and graphic overtones, it is still a very sweet and character driven story. Even though Hank procrastinates in some of the most lascivious ways, we are still on his side more or less and want him to succeed in his life. The real juice of this show is David Duchovney's (you know, Mulder from The X-Files) performance. This is a perfect role for him, and with it he makes a perfect character. It's a good little drama. It's like Sex and the City for dudes...no wait, that's Entourage.
DOLLHOUSE
Almost every possible Joss Whedon conception that has hit television has in some way been phenomenal. The only problem is he keeps going back to Fox for show running, guarenteeing his truly amazing shows like Firefly and Dollhouse are sure to be cancelled. Dollhouse however got more of a run than Firefly, lasting two seasons. In those two seasons, I was graced with a very unique science fiction action story. Even though we got more case of the week stories than the overall saga, which was rushed, the show was still a helluva lot of fun.
FIREFLY
This really pisses me off. It is a crime for a show with this much promise to be cancelled in favor of a lot of the other bullshit shows that have gone nowhere on Fox. The few episodes of Firefly released was like TV series crack cocaine, it is utterly addictive and makes all other things seem unworthy of your attention. Perhaps the show was too different to survive, but it was more than likely the fact that Fox put this on the Friday night schedule where everyone would be off work for the weekend and going out instead of spending time watching tv. But Firefly, a show that makes all recent Star Wars spin offs look like a drunken caricature artist's doodles, wasn't even allowed to end off the way Whedon wanted, unlike Dollhouse which was killed by the same problems as Firefly. At least the show was given a little more grace after the release of the spinoff movie Serenity. Watch this show and Serenity back to back and you will not be disappointed.
THE SIMPSONS
Though not as great as it used to be, The Simpsons still holds up as one of America's greatest TV shows and is still pretty funny. I think it relates more strongly to 90s pop culture and though it's parodies of 2000's pop culture is still enjoyable it isn't as good. I just don't think I will ever stop loving it, because honestly it is the first show I ever really loved. So there's that nostalgia factor. It is also still enjoyable because it hasn't really changed its style like Family Guy. The Simpsons lives on forever in my opinion.
COWBOY BEBOP
Combining several familiar action genres (martial arts, western, sci fi, pulp fiction, film noir) into one slick and compelling show, Cowboy Bebop delivers as much wall to wall action and adventure as any other anime out there. Following a group of outlaws in a rickety ship (like Firefly, I know), we are faced with a show that is witty with its characters, intense and fast paced with its action, and classy with its storytelling. Cowboy Bebop is lots of fun.
TRIGUN
Containing the best of any good anime, Trigun delivers an of course unique adventure set in a sci fi dystopia where we follow one man and his endless, yet very unintended cycle of destruction. While appeasing the good natured humor of most people for a lot of the time, there is a deep darkness breaking through the seams of the story. It takes itself seriously and therefore so can we. Trigun is highly recommended and well worth the watch.
GIRLS BRAVO
Existing in the harem genre of Japanese animes, Girls Bravo is a bizarre, crazy, but nevertheless exciting and enjoyable show about one extraordinarily uptight boy and the girls who want him. Despite its huge fantasy elements, Girls Bravo is kind of a satire on teen friendship, sex, and angst. Out of all of the anime shows I've seen, this is without a doubt the most fun, because it is almost so uniquely original as compared to the other shows, great as they are. Aside from nudity and some language (which is only used to a cartoonish affect), Girls Bravo is a sweet and off the wall comedy.
There are many other shows I could talk about, but these were the ones that really appealed to me at the moment. There are some shows that used to be good but have now just become tasteless and reprehensible (Family Guy, American Dad). Shows that had promise but deteriorated due to high hopes for itself or stupid ideas (Flashfoward, Heroes). Shows that are good but aren't really what I'm into right now (Party of Five, Chuck). New shows that are very clearly not going anywhere (Persons Unknown). Shows that I need to get caught up or started on (True Blood, Prison Break, Deadwood). Or shows that I really just grew out of (Friends, Veronica Mars, South Park). So for now I'm sticking with the ones from above, or at least the ones above that are still on.
This has been a little insight into my TV life from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
LOST
A truly addictive and epic saga. Lost is perhaps one of the smartest and most entertaining stories I've been familiar with. It has everything you could possibly want. It is also very rare to see a show with a mythology as complex as this be so very character driven. It is edgy, complex and one helluva journey. Lost is a show you cannot turn away from and are missing out if you haven't watched it (I guarentee you'll make time for it and fly through it fast.) I am very sad that it is over.
DEXTER
A Showtime drama that puts a new spin on the CSI/Law and Order type of drama by placing a vigilante serial killer in the police department. Many people are repulsed to even try to watch Dexter due to the whole serial killer element. Dexter is probably the goriest show I've seen, but ironically it is also one of the sweetest. Supreme acting by the main cast, clever and intelligent writing, and unbelieveably suspenseful. There are a lot of shows where the audience is either restricted to the side of good or the side of evil by a line. When watching Dexter, you can feel free and are even totally willing to walk back and forth past that line. It is a lot of fun to watch, and it is very fascinating when you end up liking and even loving the deranged but good intentioned Dexter and applaud him when he kills the very worst people.
SUPERNATURAL
Being a childhood fan of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer and Angel, it was good having yet another and even more appealing monster-fighting show running. It's almost as perfect a show for me like Lost and Dexter: two badass rock n' roll enthusiastic brothers drive across America in their classic muscle car full of guns and mystical items all to fight the forces of evil. There is almost never a dull moment. Supernatural is an action-horror series for the books. It is a show that really doesn't get as much praise as it should.
RED VS. BLUE
An internet show that really gave machinima a name. Red vs. Blue has evolved almost as much as Star Trek over the years. Once using edited Halo gameplay and voice acting to tell a story, they have recently gone into the use of CGI which makes for even more astonishing entertainment. Red vs. Blue is also clever and funny as hell while also having an always interesting and growing storyline. Based around a civil war between two teams that consist of very idiotic and lazy anti-heroes, Red vs. Blue isn't what you'd expect when first viewing. I watched it, I stuck with it, and I wasn't disappointed.
BREAKING BAD
A crime drama like Dexter where it deals with characters that are realistic and utterly human despite all of the incredible and bizarre things happening around them. The concept is just terrific: Walter White is an ordinary family man and chemistry teacher, but after learning he has terminal cancer he sets out to make a profit by cooking crystal meth with the help of his former student, hoping to leave the money he makes for his family. It has powerful acting (Bryan Cranston is one of the best on TV) and very smart writing. It's a darkly comedic but often very intense and depressing look at how far people will go to protect what's theirs and also how evil people can be. It is stark, haunting, clever, and always intriguing.
CALIFORNICATION
This is a show that appeals to my latent older self, because I imagine I will be a lot like Hank Moody when I'm older. A down in the dumps, sarcastic, cynical, easily distracted, middle aged struggling author (just minus all of the sex.) This another Showtime series where, despite its dark and graphic overtones, it is still a very sweet and character driven story. Even though Hank procrastinates in some of the most lascivious ways, we are still on his side more or less and want him to succeed in his life. The real juice of this show is David Duchovney's (you know, Mulder from The X-Files) performance. This is a perfect role for him, and with it he makes a perfect character. It's a good little drama. It's like Sex and the City for dudes...no wait, that's Entourage.
DOLLHOUSE
Almost every possible Joss Whedon conception that has hit television has in some way been phenomenal. The only problem is he keeps going back to Fox for show running, guarenteeing his truly amazing shows like Firefly and Dollhouse are sure to be cancelled. Dollhouse however got more of a run than Firefly, lasting two seasons. In those two seasons, I was graced with a very unique science fiction action story. Even though we got more case of the week stories than the overall saga, which was rushed, the show was still a helluva lot of fun.
FIREFLY
This really pisses me off. It is a crime for a show with this much promise to be cancelled in favor of a lot of the other bullshit shows that have gone nowhere on Fox. The few episodes of Firefly released was like TV series crack cocaine, it is utterly addictive and makes all other things seem unworthy of your attention. Perhaps the show was too different to survive, but it was more than likely the fact that Fox put this on the Friday night schedule where everyone would be off work for the weekend and going out instead of spending time watching tv. But Firefly, a show that makes all recent Star Wars spin offs look like a drunken caricature artist's doodles, wasn't even allowed to end off the way Whedon wanted, unlike Dollhouse which was killed by the same problems as Firefly. At least the show was given a little more grace after the release of the spinoff movie Serenity. Watch this show and Serenity back to back and you will not be disappointed.
THE SIMPSONS
Though not as great as it used to be, The Simpsons still holds up as one of America's greatest TV shows and is still pretty funny. I think it relates more strongly to 90s pop culture and though it's parodies of 2000's pop culture is still enjoyable it isn't as good. I just don't think I will ever stop loving it, because honestly it is the first show I ever really loved. So there's that nostalgia factor. It is also still enjoyable because it hasn't really changed its style like Family Guy. The Simpsons lives on forever in my opinion.
COWBOY BEBOP
Combining several familiar action genres (martial arts, western, sci fi, pulp fiction, film noir) into one slick and compelling show, Cowboy Bebop delivers as much wall to wall action and adventure as any other anime out there. Following a group of outlaws in a rickety ship (like Firefly, I know), we are faced with a show that is witty with its characters, intense and fast paced with its action, and classy with its storytelling. Cowboy Bebop is lots of fun.
TRIGUN
Containing the best of any good anime, Trigun delivers an of course unique adventure set in a sci fi dystopia where we follow one man and his endless, yet very unintended cycle of destruction. While appeasing the good natured humor of most people for a lot of the time, there is a deep darkness breaking through the seams of the story. It takes itself seriously and therefore so can we. Trigun is highly recommended and well worth the watch.
GIRLS BRAVO
Existing in the harem genre of Japanese animes, Girls Bravo is a bizarre, crazy, but nevertheless exciting and enjoyable show about one extraordinarily uptight boy and the girls who want him. Despite its huge fantasy elements, Girls Bravo is kind of a satire on teen friendship, sex, and angst. Out of all of the anime shows I've seen, this is without a doubt the most fun, because it is almost so uniquely original as compared to the other shows, great as they are. Aside from nudity and some language (which is only used to a cartoonish affect), Girls Bravo is a sweet and off the wall comedy.
There are many other shows I could talk about, but these were the ones that really appealed to me at the moment. There are some shows that used to be good but have now just become tasteless and reprehensible (Family Guy, American Dad). Shows that had promise but deteriorated due to high hopes for itself or stupid ideas (Flashfoward, Heroes). Shows that are good but aren't really what I'm into right now (Party of Five, Chuck). New shows that are very clearly not going anywhere (Persons Unknown). Shows that I need to get caught up or started on (True Blood, Prison Break, Deadwood). Or shows that I really just grew out of (Friends, Veronica Mars, South Park). So for now I'm sticking with the ones from above, or at least the ones above that are still on.
This has been a little insight into my TV life from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Perez Hilton = Nemesis
Before I begin I could justify my subject's actions by using a line from my favorite character from Lost, John Locke: "Who are we to tell anyone what they can't do?"
Then again, since I, and hopefully any sound individual reading this will soon understand why I have a retort against my ultra wise television hero with: "If that thing keeps talking bad about me, I'm gonna fuckin' smash it!" A line from Leonard Church, another hero of mine from Red vs. Blue who coincidentally has an ongoing arc very similar to Locke's. That line basically sums up the feelings of the people the subject has wronged.
So what am I talkin' about, if you didn't catch the heading. Only a subject that I have felt the urge to speak up on since the beginning of my blog but always told myself not to. I am talking, of course, but my flamboyant, highly offensive, but infinitely more recognizable blogging rival Perez Hilton. Perez Hilton is one of the those bloggers who rose to fame in the media and is now found talking everywhere. I first paid attention to him during that whole Miss USA controversy, which I was on his side initially. I didn't really think much of him at first until I thought I'd do a little research. After all, I didn't really know any other bloggers I could take a lot notes from. What I found was less than flattering regarding Mr. Hilton. He's a pretty solid douchebag.
Granted he isn't a Rush Limbaugh, but he's not a good guy either. One of Hilton's main goals in his blogging efforts is to out the celebrities he "believes" or are rumoured to be homosexual. Hilton is a gay man himself, and believes that closeted people keep the gay community from gaining further recognition. In this sense, he feels the personal feelings of the people he tries to out in pursuit of making the homosexuals all over the world more open. The end does not justify the means, naturally. Tom Cruise is one of his targets. How very cliche. Actor Neil Patrick Harris did come out of the closet after Hilton's relentless tirade against him. The same thing also happened with singer Lance Bass. He and Dick Cheney should hang out, I mean he seems like the only gay man Cheney would try to make a good impression on rather than snarling and burning a cigar out in his arm like everyone else. I may not go to rallies or anything, but I am in favor of same sex marriage and don't have any objection against homosexuals or lesbians in general. I would hate for someone to judge who I choose to love. But I would also hate it for someone to invade my private life to find out who I choose to love. Mostly because I think most people would be surprised by the answers. Though I do often ask myself how I can oggle women like Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Lopez and then do the same to Nancy Pelosi of the White House. I don't know, maybe it was that appalled, "NOM, NOM, NOM" gaze she gave to the politician who shouted "You Lie!" to Obama that one time. Guess I do like a woman who doesn't feel the need to keep her emotions close to her chest just as much as I like a woman who has A chest. Wow. I think I have totally altered my readers' opinion of me just by writing this. Ahh, I don't care. Nancy Pelosi = Yum, yum! I'll just further distract you with more of Perez Hilton's douchebaggery.
Awhile ago, Perez Hilton had bad blood with singer Stacy Ferguson, who wrote a song, "Pedestal" that is allegedly about and arguementive toward him. He didn't take kindly to this (oh but who could argue with those abs of hers.) and he backlashed against her with hurtful comments. Fergie's former musical partner and friend, will i. am later approached Hilton to talk to him about this. A pissy Hilton called the otherwise peace bearing Mr. am a "faggot" (yeah, one to talk). A nearby person, either a fan or friend of will i. am's, attacked Hilton. During the ensuing chaos, Hilton managed to get on Twitter and tell people about it instead of, oh I don't know, calling the police. I also guess Hilton didn't know that people could assualt others physically and not just verbally; silly little man. He later said that during his confrontation with will i. am that he thought he should have called him a "nigger" instead of a faggot. Classy man, huh? Being a Latin American, homosexual man who frequently claims he is helping the gay community (a community that even more frequently shuns him for his actions), Hilton really is hypocritical.
Even worse than being a douchebag, Perez Hilton is a frequently stupid and/or inaccurate writer. During the time when Fidel Castro was getting ill and his brother was even taking over his position temporarily, Hilton claimed on his blog that Castro had died of his sickness. Not only that, but Hilton also claimed he was the only one in America, if not the world, to have gotten the information. Yes, I'm sure the Cubans immediate choice to alert of Castro's death would be none other than Perez Hilton. Of course Castro wasn't dead, and he soon recovered from his illness. This still is not really a good thing as Castro is a communist dictator. The point is Hilton was very, very wrong. Now in a case where being wrong is not the point as much as being horribly offensive, Hilton had something to say about another very recognizable figure who had gotten ill. Michael Jackson. Hilton claimed that the illness was nothing more than a publicity stunt fabricated by the King of Pop. But you better fucking believe Hilton was deleting that post when he heard Michael went into cardiac arrest. Of course he was too late and was already getting a lot of heat for what he had said. One such backlasher was another muscian, Pete Wentz of Fallout Boy. So yeah, add stupid to Perez' laundry list of flaws.
But what has really sparked me into finally writing out my built up disdain for Hilton? As I have heard, pop star Miley Cyrus, aged seventeen, had a very embarrassing photo taken of her. To be blunt, an upskirt shot of her vagina. Jesus, do paparazzi try their best to go as far as possible; they've already killed Princess Diana, got Sean Penn, Marlon Brando, and Woody Harrelson to raise fists, and drove Britney Spears to near insanity. But you wouldn't guess who got a hold of those photos and immediately posted it on his blog for all to see. Yeah, you know who. A short time ago, Miley Cyrus, while all for same sex marriage and other good stuff, obviously did not like the way Perez Hilton did things; I think Hilton wronged the music industry in some way because a lot of singers and musicians don't like him. Hilton whined like a little bitch once agian, leaving the much younger Cyrus to resolve the situation and try to make amends. So I guess this recent indecency is a nice little "fuck you" to the young star. Hilton has done stuff like this with other celebrities (altered topless photos of Jennifer Aniston; a Colin Farrell sex tape) but this is too fucking far. Miley Cyrus is a seventeen year old girl, a star loved by millions across the country and it seems Perez Hilton didn't even bat an eye before posting something that will no doubt victimize the poor girl in one way or another. Hilton has removed the photo from his blog, but was less than apologetic in the aftermath. He claimed not only that he felt it wasn't wrong for photos like this to be taken, but since Miley Cyrus is "almost eighteen" she should be as revealing as possible, even to the point where he suggests she should expose her breasts at some point. Yeah, you heard right. Once again this is a girl who is still technically a child. This could be seen as pedophilic. All I can say is shame on you, Perez, you creepy little fuck. You are a monster. You are a cold, inconsiderate, insensitive monster. And if you were right here, right now, I would go will i. am fan times ten on you.
This is disgust that has built up quickly over time and after hearing about this Miley Cyrus thing I had to get it off of my chest. Perez Hilton is a blight in so many ways. Still I cannot and will not try to escape the fact that, despite my dislike or even hatred of him, I share his flaws. I often gossip here and there about the media and entertainment, and have done so in a derogatory fashion. In my defense I will say I am usually derogatory when it comes to someone within the media or entertainment acting in ways such as Perez Hilton. I also have admitted before that I am not a very smart blogger; I don't always have my facts straight and strive only to at least make a gist of what I am talking about. Hilton may be an even smarter blogger than me, but I do think I am much more compassionate than he is. I also suffer from selfishness like him in one way, but not in as big a way. I am selfish in that I have the delusion of me and Hilton, as bloggers of similar things, being rivals. It's something I feel compelled to believe in. So yes, while my actions are not always good, I can at least say I'm a lot better than Perez Hilton. You know I hope by some miracle he finds my blog. I hope he tries to retort. I hope the conflict I have been dreaming draws near and I can go up against my rival in the world of bullshit blogs. Only time will tell.
Waiting patiently, this has been a declaration of war from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Then again, since I, and hopefully any sound individual reading this will soon understand why I have a retort against my ultra wise television hero with: "If that thing keeps talking bad about me, I'm gonna fuckin' smash it!" A line from Leonard Church, another hero of mine from Red vs. Blue who coincidentally has an ongoing arc very similar to Locke's. That line basically sums up the feelings of the people the subject has wronged.
So what am I talkin' about, if you didn't catch the heading. Only a subject that I have felt the urge to speak up on since the beginning of my blog but always told myself not to. I am talking, of course, but my flamboyant, highly offensive, but infinitely more recognizable blogging rival Perez Hilton. Perez Hilton is one of the those bloggers who rose to fame in the media and is now found talking everywhere. I first paid attention to him during that whole Miss USA controversy, which I was on his side initially. I didn't really think much of him at first until I thought I'd do a little research. After all, I didn't really know any other bloggers I could take a lot notes from. What I found was less than flattering regarding Mr. Hilton. He's a pretty solid douchebag.
Granted he isn't a Rush Limbaugh, but he's not a good guy either. One of Hilton's main goals in his blogging efforts is to out the celebrities he "believes" or are rumoured to be homosexual. Hilton is a gay man himself, and believes that closeted people keep the gay community from gaining further recognition. In this sense, he feels the personal feelings of the people he tries to out in pursuit of making the homosexuals all over the world more open. The end does not justify the means, naturally. Tom Cruise is one of his targets. How very cliche. Actor Neil Patrick Harris did come out of the closet after Hilton's relentless tirade against him. The same thing also happened with singer Lance Bass. He and Dick Cheney should hang out, I mean he seems like the only gay man Cheney would try to make a good impression on rather than snarling and burning a cigar out in his arm like everyone else. I may not go to rallies or anything, but I am in favor of same sex marriage and don't have any objection against homosexuals or lesbians in general. I would hate for someone to judge who I choose to love. But I would also hate it for someone to invade my private life to find out who I choose to love. Mostly because I think most people would be surprised by the answers. Though I do often ask myself how I can oggle women like Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Lopez and then do the same to Nancy Pelosi of the White House. I don't know, maybe it was that appalled, "NOM, NOM, NOM" gaze she gave to the politician who shouted "You Lie!" to Obama that one time. Guess I do like a woman who doesn't feel the need to keep her emotions close to her chest just as much as I like a woman who has A chest. Wow. I think I have totally altered my readers' opinion of me just by writing this. Ahh, I don't care. Nancy Pelosi = Yum, yum! I'll just further distract you with more of Perez Hilton's douchebaggery.
Awhile ago, Perez Hilton had bad blood with singer Stacy Ferguson, who wrote a song, "Pedestal" that is allegedly about and arguementive toward him. He didn't take kindly to this (oh but who could argue with those abs of hers.) and he backlashed against her with hurtful comments. Fergie's former musical partner and friend, will i. am later approached Hilton to talk to him about this. A pissy Hilton called the otherwise peace bearing Mr. am a "faggot" (yeah, one to talk). A nearby person, either a fan or friend of will i. am's, attacked Hilton. During the ensuing chaos, Hilton managed to get on Twitter and tell people about it instead of, oh I don't know, calling the police. I also guess Hilton didn't know that people could assualt others physically and not just verbally; silly little man. He later said that during his confrontation with will i. am that he thought he should have called him a "nigger" instead of a faggot. Classy man, huh? Being a Latin American, homosexual man who frequently claims he is helping the gay community (a community that even more frequently shuns him for his actions), Hilton really is hypocritical.
Even worse than being a douchebag, Perez Hilton is a frequently stupid and/or inaccurate writer. During the time when Fidel Castro was getting ill and his brother was even taking over his position temporarily, Hilton claimed on his blog that Castro had died of his sickness. Not only that, but Hilton also claimed he was the only one in America, if not the world, to have gotten the information. Yes, I'm sure the Cubans immediate choice to alert of Castro's death would be none other than Perez Hilton. Of course Castro wasn't dead, and he soon recovered from his illness. This still is not really a good thing as Castro is a communist dictator. The point is Hilton was very, very wrong. Now in a case where being wrong is not the point as much as being horribly offensive, Hilton had something to say about another very recognizable figure who had gotten ill. Michael Jackson. Hilton claimed that the illness was nothing more than a publicity stunt fabricated by the King of Pop. But you better fucking believe Hilton was deleting that post when he heard Michael went into cardiac arrest. Of course he was too late and was already getting a lot of heat for what he had said. One such backlasher was another muscian, Pete Wentz of Fallout Boy. So yeah, add stupid to Perez' laundry list of flaws.
But what has really sparked me into finally writing out my built up disdain for Hilton? As I have heard, pop star Miley Cyrus, aged seventeen, had a very embarrassing photo taken of her. To be blunt, an upskirt shot of her vagina. Jesus, do paparazzi try their best to go as far as possible; they've already killed Princess Diana, got Sean Penn, Marlon Brando, and Woody Harrelson to raise fists, and drove Britney Spears to near insanity. But you wouldn't guess who got a hold of those photos and immediately posted it on his blog for all to see. Yeah, you know who. A short time ago, Miley Cyrus, while all for same sex marriage and other good stuff, obviously did not like the way Perez Hilton did things; I think Hilton wronged the music industry in some way because a lot of singers and musicians don't like him. Hilton whined like a little bitch once agian, leaving the much younger Cyrus to resolve the situation and try to make amends. So I guess this recent indecency is a nice little "fuck you" to the young star. Hilton has done stuff like this with other celebrities (altered topless photos of Jennifer Aniston; a Colin Farrell sex tape) but this is too fucking far. Miley Cyrus is a seventeen year old girl, a star loved by millions across the country and it seems Perez Hilton didn't even bat an eye before posting something that will no doubt victimize the poor girl in one way or another. Hilton has removed the photo from his blog, but was less than apologetic in the aftermath. He claimed not only that he felt it wasn't wrong for photos like this to be taken, but since Miley Cyrus is "almost eighteen" she should be as revealing as possible, even to the point where he suggests she should expose her breasts at some point. Yeah, you heard right. Once again this is a girl who is still technically a child. This could be seen as pedophilic. All I can say is shame on you, Perez, you creepy little fuck. You are a monster. You are a cold, inconsiderate, insensitive monster. And if you were right here, right now, I would go will i. am fan times ten on you.
This is disgust that has built up quickly over time and after hearing about this Miley Cyrus thing I had to get it off of my chest. Perez Hilton is a blight in so many ways. Still I cannot and will not try to escape the fact that, despite my dislike or even hatred of him, I share his flaws. I often gossip here and there about the media and entertainment, and have done so in a derogatory fashion. In my defense I will say I am usually derogatory when it comes to someone within the media or entertainment acting in ways such as Perez Hilton. I also have admitted before that I am not a very smart blogger; I don't always have my facts straight and strive only to at least make a gist of what I am talking about. Hilton may be an even smarter blogger than me, but I do think I am much more compassionate than he is. I also suffer from selfishness like him in one way, but not in as big a way. I am selfish in that I have the delusion of me and Hilton, as bloggers of similar things, being rivals. It's something I feel compelled to believe in. So yes, while my actions are not always good, I can at least say I'm a lot better than Perez Hilton. You know I hope by some miracle he finds my blog. I hope he tries to retort. I hope the conflict I have been dreaming draws near and I can go up against my rival in the world of bullshit blogs. Only time will tell.
Waiting patiently, this has been a declaration of war from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Bombings: The Taliban Big Dick Contest
Come on, that's essentially what it is. Ever since 9/11, every Middle Eastern terrorist or Middle East sympathizing terrorist has been trying to make a bigger dent in the American infrastructure or other nations. Of the notable close calls recently have been very elaborate bombing attempts. First there was the guy who tried to activate an explosive weaved into his underwear aboard a plane aka Crotch Bomber. I'm pretty he ended up setting himself on fire or just exposed himself while trying to get the bomb to work, either way the bomb didn't go off and he was arrested. Now we've got the guy who left a car bomb in the middle of Times Square, New York City, but luckily it was also deactivated.
This is just a random thought, but it really does seem like the dark and morbid pissing contest terrorists are in to see which one can create a more destructive terrorist attack. Hate to break it to ya, fellas, but you can't really top flying planes into some of the most iconic things in America. A blown up plane and dead innocent bystanders would be tragic like all hell, but to be honest it is not like people would still be talking about fifty years from now. Ya wanna know what I think, terrorists? Seeing as how the last terrorist attack only ended in a war that rages on to day and has you hiding under every rock in What'sitsnameastan, maybe you should focus less on making further waves. Or you could just surrender. Sadly, I've given up hope on Al Queda or the Taliban or whatever surrendering. The only thing they seem to want to do in a no-win situation is go out guns blazing. Not a good end to this story.
I think the one thing that would really dampen morale on their side would be to find and capture/kill Osama Bin Laden. Seriously, all of our guys are pretty much trudging over the place he is hiding. Though he is most likely moving around, and this sounds mighty primitive and Palin-esque of me, but we should really just find as much information on where he most likely is, get a definite fix and bomb the hell out of it. Civilian lives would be lost, yes, but even more would be killed if the war were to continue on. It's essentially Obama's plan when he shipped all of those soldiers out there: end the war as quickly and efficiently as possible. Or we could just drop Philip Marlowe, Rorschach, Batman, Liam Neeson from Taken, and Nancy Drew into the Middle East and let them find Osama. They seem to be able to find everything else out. That'd do the trick.
But I could be wrong about this whole "Taliban big dick contest." Perhaps these fucked up psychos are simply doing the obvious = trying to kill as many of everyone not them as they can. In which case they can all burn.
I am sorry if some found this post offensive, but really this war has gone on longer than WWII and Vietnam combined so I can't help but mock it or try to make the mood a little lighter.
This has been a rough dose of satire from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading and God Bless Amer--Aw who cares anymore?
This is just a random thought, but it really does seem like the dark and morbid pissing contest terrorists are in to see which one can create a more destructive terrorist attack. Hate to break it to ya, fellas, but you can't really top flying planes into some of the most iconic things in America. A blown up plane and dead innocent bystanders would be tragic like all hell, but to be honest it is not like people would still be talking about fifty years from now. Ya wanna know what I think, terrorists? Seeing as how the last terrorist attack only ended in a war that rages on to day and has you hiding under every rock in What'sitsnameastan, maybe you should focus less on making further waves. Or you could just surrender. Sadly, I've given up hope on Al Queda or the Taliban or whatever surrendering. The only thing they seem to want to do in a no-win situation is go out guns blazing. Not a good end to this story.
I think the one thing that would really dampen morale on their side would be to find and capture/kill Osama Bin Laden. Seriously, all of our guys are pretty much trudging over the place he is hiding. Though he is most likely moving around, and this sounds mighty primitive and Palin-esque of me, but we should really just find as much information on where he most likely is, get a definite fix and bomb the hell out of it. Civilian lives would be lost, yes, but even more would be killed if the war were to continue on. It's essentially Obama's plan when he shipped all of those soldiers out there: end the war as quickly and efficiently as possible. Or we could just drop Philip Marlowe, Rorschach, Batman, Liam Neeson from Taken, and Nancy Drew into the Middle East and let them find Osama. They seem to be able to find everything else out. That'd do the trick.
But I could be wrong about this whole "Taliban big dick contest." Perhaps these fucked up psychos are simply doing the obvious = trying to kill as many of everyone not them as they can. In which case they can all burn.
I am sorry if some found this post offensive, but really this war has gone on longer than WWII and Vietnam combined so I can't help but mock it or try to make the mood a little lighter.
This has been a rough dose of satire from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading and God Bless Amer--Aw who cares anymore?
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Past 100
Once upon a time there was a young writer living in an insignificant Indiana town. This writer could not bring himself to writer more than three pages. Feeling books were out of the question, he decided to instead continue honing whatever skills he had as a writer. His first thought was to become an essayist, pretty much because he had just looked up the word on Wikipedia. Rather than begin writing, he went downstairs to brag to his mother about what he was going to do. She wondered if he might want to try a blog on the internet. After some skepticism, he thought it was brilliant. After some trouble starting up the blog (for the writer knew little of computer mechanics), he had his mother set up for him. For anonymities sake, this writer took a name. A name people would remember. A name that was both awkward and sexy at the same time. A name that would inspire people to read so that they could be inspired by other things. He chose this name. Than he realized this name was silly and decided to call himself Your Modest Guru. That was where he began. This is where he is right now.
...too much?
I, Your Modest Guru, am proud to announce I have written over one-hundred posts for this very blog. True it may be one of the most unorganized blogs out there, and true I did basically piggy back my way to 100 posts via Lost related things. On the other hand, I'm the kind of guy who takes what he can get mostly.
For starters what have I talked about during the last 100 entries to my online journal of sorts. Essentially it is a huge web of everything that puzzles me or fascinates or cool stuff I just like to do. I've talked about just about everything I felt was couth. From social commentary to celebrity gossip to political drama to reviews to Lost analysis. As Johnny Cash once said, I've been everywhere, man. With this I've been able to unleash all the thoughts that make me feel angry or happy into creative writing. I've been able to not only talk about but to go into detail of the things that I find especially cool. The blog has become a pretty exciting new development in my daily routine. I went into this not expecting droves of subscribers and followers, but to get what's on my mind out in the open and entertain myself. Knowing that I have done both effectively, I can honestly say it's been a good run.
Thanks for reading and I hope you keep reading. Because I am going to keep writing.
...too much?
I, Your Modest Guru, am proud to announce I have written over one-hundred posts for this very blog. True it may be one of the most unorganized blogs out there, and true I did basically piggy back my way to 100 posts via Lost related things. On the other hand, I'm the kind of guy who takes what he can get mostly.
For starters what have I talked about during the last 100 entries to my online journal of sorts. Essentially it is a huge web of everything that puzzles me or fascinates or cool stuff I just like to do. I've talked about just about everything I felt was couth. From social commentary to celebrity gossip to political drama to reviews to Lost analysis. As Johnny Cash once said, I've been everywhere, man. With this I've been able to unleash all the thoughts that make me feel angry or happy into creative writing. I've been able to not only talk about but to go into detail of the things that I find especially cool. The blog has become a pretty exciting new development in my daily routine. I went into this not expecting droves of subscribers and followers, but to get what's on my mind out in the open and entertain myself. Knowing that I have done both effectively, I can honestly say it's been a good run.
Thanks for reading and I hope you keep reading. Because I am going to keep writing.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
LHC: or how I learned to worry more and question science
"Science is a way of trying not to fool yourself. The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool." - Richard Dawkins
Now in 2008, scientists started going on about the Large Hadron Collider, the world's biggest and most powerful particle accelerator. Apparently this thing will revolutionize science itself by answering questions that have mind boggled the world's greatest physicists since ever. It was supposed to be up and running in 08 but there was some kind of hiccup and operations were on hold for awhile. But as I hear, only a few days ago the LHC's particle beams actually started colliding and I guess everything's all right. And why wouldn't everything be? Well that's what this post is about.
Your Modest Guru will talk about the greatly popularized theory that the LHC could possibly result in a black hole that would start small, but grow and than eventually engulf the world and maybe even the galaxy. Yeah, even the possibility of that two years prior put me on edge about this thing. I mean really, if there was even a chance of that happening, why would we take it. If I thought that something like that could happen, I'd dig a hole about fifty feet in the desert, drop the thing in, bury it, and never speak of it again. I know this thing could possibly answer questions some the greatest mysteries of the universe. That is enticing, but it is also very iffy. I mean on one hand we can discover so much more about life itself and perhaps go further as a species and on the other hand we could destroy everything and negate everything that happened since the beginning of the...well, everything. Hmm. Thankfully a decision of that magnitude is not in my hands. But like I said, the thing is actually working now and so far everything is fine. Hopefully it stays that way because, really, nobody wants to be stretched to longest point in the most painful way possible whilst swirling around in a freakin' black hole.
This has been a scientific discussion from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Now in 2008, scientists started going on about the Large Hadron Collider, the world's biggest and most powerful particle accelerator. Apparently this thing will revolutionize science itself by answering questions that have mind boggled the world's greatest physicists since ever. It was supposed to be up and running in 08 but there was some kind of hiccup and operations were on hold for awhile. But as I hear, only a few days ago the LHC's particle beams actually started colliding and I guess everything's all right. And why wouldn't everything be? Well that's what this post is about.
Your Modest Guru will talk about the greatly popularized theory that the LHC could possibly result in a black hole that would start small, but grow and than eventually engulf the world and maybe even the galaxy. Yeah, even the possibility of that two years prior put me on edge about this thing. I mean really, if there was even a chance of that happening, why would we take it. If I thought that something like that could happen, I'd dig a hole about fifty feet in the desert, drop the thing in, bury it, and never speak of it again. I know this thing could possibly answer questions some the greatest mysteries of the universe. That is enticing, but it is also very iffy. I mean on one hand we can discover so much more about life itself and perhaps go further as a species and on the other hand we could destroy everything and negate everything that happened since the beginning of the...well, everything. Hmm. Thankfully a decision of that magnitude is not in my hands. But like I said, the thing is actually working now and so far everything is fine. Hopefully it stays that way because, really, nobody wants to be stretched to longest point in the most painful way possible whilst swirling around in a freakin' black hole.
This has been a scientific discussion from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Making Peace with Destruction
"Survival is all relative." - John Locke
Haha, I'm getting in Lost wherever I can. But seriously this is about something that was bugging me awhile that was nevertheless resolved.
I've noticed that there have been a frequent number of disasters lately. Not only disasters, but just bad things in general happening. It's as if the whole world is literally going over the edge. Let's see we started off this fair century of ours with the mixture of buildings and hijacked planes in the middle of New York. Let's see, after that we've had a pointless war, a bullshit government with bullshit plans, recession, near depression, Hurricane Katrina, tsunamis, earthquakes, the burning of California's woodland area, a helluva lot of flu epidemics, fear mongering media, ever growing global warming, talks of the 2012 end of the world theory along with like ten bogus Christian Apocalypse prophecies... and of course Southland Tales. Pretty bad start. My paranoid and frankly pessimistic mind got to thinking "What if this is close to the end? What if it is all a chain of events that will determine the way the world dies?" It may not be the Apocalypse some of those Christians and fanatics are praying for, or even just the sudden death of earth like those Mayans thought, but that it might be a once slow process that is getting faster as the future presses on. Recent horrific events that have befallen Haiti and Chile have just strengthened this cliche fear even more.
Of course I had talk about it to somebody. Later on I felt like if I kept thinking about it I would up standing in the middle of a busy street corner with a sign over my chest proclaiming "THE END IS NIGH". I of course talked to my mom about this. My mom, being more of a realist than I have ever been, told me that these things haven't just started happening this fast. It only seems like this is all happening so fast because of the technological advances in communication. This is something I always talked about, but still forgot. The whole world is connected these days. Only a miniscule set of people don't have cell phones, different kids from different sides of the planet can strike up a friendship on Twitter, all accounts of friends and family and acquaintances can be listed on Facebook and Myspace, and the most minor event in the most irrelevant place can be caught in HD and broadcasted all over the world within a few moments. All of the terrible things happening recently only seems like it is all happening faster because we get information much quicker than say twenty or even ten years ago. Maybe someday I, a kid in Indiana, can know about a pin dropping in Pakistan within a matter of seconds.
Once again, mom puts me at ease. Ah mother where would I be without you? Malnourished, probably. Anyways, I have made my peace with destruction but not the end of the world, which is scientifically stated to be inevitable. One day, when man and all of our magics have been gone for millions of years, the sun will die out and destroy the earth. And after that the galaxy will collapse on itself. I try to comfort myself sometimes by thinking that in all likelyhood a new universe will form and the cycle will be repeated. In fact, while writing that last line I got the crazy idea that when everything ends and then begins again, if the cycle is repeated there will be another me who does the same things and will billions of years from now write this post and this sentence. Or perhaps it won't be the exact same, but a me with different touches (which sounds suspiciously like recent episodes of that TV show I'm always talking about). I don't know, a person like me cannot be expected to fathom the secrets of life. At least not now.
Regarding destruction in this world one last time, though, I will say that destruction is a natural part of life. Part of being a human being is rebuilding what is lost if possible. The ruins of Haiti and Chile will soon enough be reconstructed and people will be happy again. And when this universe of ours evaporates it must be remembered, as John Mellencamp once said, life goes on.
This has been a drawn out thought from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Haha, I'm getting in Lost wherever I can. But seriously this is about something that was bugging me awhile that was nevertheless resolved.
I've noticed that there have been a frequent number of disasters lately. Not only disasters, but just bad things in general happening. It's as if the whole world is literally going over the edge. Let's see we started off this fair century of ours with the mixture of buildings and hijacked planes in the middle of New York. Let's see, after that we've had a pointless war, a bullshit government with bullshit plans, recession, near depression, Hurricane Katrina, tsunamis, earthquakes, the burning of California's woodland area, a helluva lot of flu epidemics, fear mongering media, ever growing global warming, talks of the 2012 end of the world theory along with like ten bogus Christian Apocalypse prophecies... and of course Southland Tales. Pretty bad start. My paranoid and frankly pessimistic mind got to thinking "What if this is close to the end? What if it is all a chain of events that will determine the way the world dies?" It may not be the Apocalypse some of those Christians and fanatics are praying for, or even just the sudden death of earth like those Mayans thought, but that it might be a once slow process that is getting faster as the future presses on. Recent horrific events that have befallen Haiti and Chile have just strengthened this cliche fear even more.
Of course I had talk about it to somebody. Later on I felt like if I kept thinking about it I would up standing in the middle of a busy street corner with a sign over my chest proclaiming "THE END IS NIGH". I of course talked to my mom about this. My mom, being more of a realist than I have ever been, told me that these things haven't just started happening this fast. It only seems like this is all happening so fast because of the technological advances in communication. This is something I always talked about, but still forgot. The whole world is connected these days. Only a miniscule set of people don't have cell phones, different kids from different sides of the planet can strike up a friendship on Twitter, all accounts of friends and family and acquaintances can be listed on Facebook and Myspace, and the most minor event in the most irrelevant place can be caught in HD and broadcasted all over the world within a few moments. All of the terrible things happening recently only seems like it is all happening faster because we get information much quicker than say twenty or even ten years ago. Maybe someday I, a kid in Indiana, can know about a pin dropping in Pakistan within a matter of seconds.
Once again, mom puts me at ease. Ah mother where would I be without you? Malnourished, probably. Anyways, I have made my peace with destruction but not the end of the world, which is scientifically stated to be inevitable. One day, when man and all of our magics have been gone for millions of years, the sun will die out and destroy the earth. And after that the galaxy will collapse on itself. I try to comfort myself sometimes by thinking that in all likelyhood a new universe will form and the cycle will be repeated. In fact, while writing that last line I got the crazy idea that when everything ends and then begins again, if the cycle is repeated there will be another me who does the same things and will billions of years from now write this post and this sentence. Or perhaps it won't be the exact same, but a me with different touches (which sounds suspiciously like recent episodes of that TV show I'm always talking about). I don't know, a person like me cannot be expected to fathom the secrets of life. At least not now.
Regarding destruction in this world one last time, though, I will say that destruction is a natural part of life. Part of being a human being is rebuilding what is lost if possible. The ruins of Haiti and Chile will soon enough be reconstructed and people will be happy again. And when this universe of ours evaporates it must be remembered, as John Mellencamp once said, life goes on.
This has been a drawn out thought from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
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