"Get your fat ass back here!" - Herbert the Pervert
Now don't get me wrong, I think Family Guy is one of the funniest animated shows around. But, and this is just what I've been thinking, I think the show is starting to get a little tiresome. This is on account of many things that just bother me particularly.
1. Characters:
Let's start off with Peter, the standard literally retarded overweight patriach of the Griffin family. Granted early on Peter started almost exactly like Homer Simpson, but if Homer Simpson went too far. Peter is an obliviously offensive and obnoxious fat american who couldn't stop doing the wrong thing if his life depended on it. But he also retained some of that learning from mistakes trick, more or less. It went downhill for me gradually after he was diagnosed as mentally retarded. This is mainly because after this he accepted that and made it cause to unapologetically do all the horrifically stupid things he would usually do only out of carelessness. I can forgive someone who is stupid and oblivious, but when he's stupid, knows it and just doesn't care about what he does that's just unlikable. In this since Peter is no longer lovable but just a giant retarded douchebag. It seems like they can't make up their minds with Chris, the always dangerously retarded son. He seems to lapse in and out of an intelligent state of mind.
I always seem to have a problem with the women on these animated shows, mostly because they are often too stereotyped. And my god was Lois a stereotype. The stay at home, loving, supportive mother and wife. They made her character more interesting by making her an agressive, premiscious, and sometimes lethal former rave girl, which was fun. She's slightly more bitchy these days. And as for Meg, well everyone else on the show pretty much sums up my thoughts. I can't even feel sorry for her, Meg is a bitch.
Brian stays pretty much the same except that he is even more of a douchebag. He always was high maintenance, self righteous, overly liberal prick, but now he's just kind of unbearable.
Stewie, arguably the most interesting character, has changed dramatically. He started out as a diabolical evil genius who just so happened to be an infant. He's always trying to kill his mother, or anyone who seems to be a nuisance. He was interesting at first due to him suffering the setbacks of having a baby's body and a sophisticated adult intellect. He seemed to have cooled down now thanks to Brian, who I guess he considers to be a best friend and/or crush. That's another thing I don't like, not to be homophobic, but they are just playing the whole "is he gay" thing all wrong. After a failed play marriage Stewie seemed to be going over more to men but has also courted other women. He isn't an evil genius, but he's still homicidal. He's just an off character now.
2. Pushing liberalism
I'm a liberal man myself, but my god if they don't try to jam it down our throats. Most of the people who watch Family Guy probably won't get all the political humour or the messages. The same thing happened to The Simpsons awhile ago, but they discarded most of it pretty quick. Maybe Family Guy will follow suit. It's like a harlaquin public service announcement, unlike Modest PSA's however.
3. Humour
I know an element of Family Guy is considerably graphic humour that always pleases the audiences but it seems that it's going into more of a situation where they are trying to gauge your shock. I don't know how to react to that exactly. It's still funny, of course, but just weird.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just growing out of Family Guy. Unless it blows me away with the next season.
This has been a disjointed thought from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Monday, August 31, 2009
The Road Review
"And perhaps beyond those shrouded swells another man did walk with another child on the dead gray sands. Slept but a sea apart on another beach among the bitter ashes of the world or stood in thier rags lost to the same indifferent sun." - Text from The Road
I just finished reading Cormac McCarthy's post-apocalyptic saga The Road and I must say that it is a fine book. As a modern novel, it could be one of the greats. Many people seem to think so, as it was even graced with the Pulitzer Prize Award for fiction. It is a harrowing and thought provoking story that engrosses the reader. It's one you can't stop thinking about really.
I first became aware of Cormac McCarthy after watching the 2007 Best Picture winner No Country for Old Men, an adaptation of one of his latest works. I was amazed by that story and the depth to it. I'm often told that the books are always better than their adaptations. If that is true than No Country for Old Men is probably fantastic. I felt ashamed that I didn't read the book first, as I feel about many adaptations these days. When I heard The Road was going to be made into a film, I decided to read the book first. Family members of mine gave it high praise, so I was happy to read it.
The story follows a man and his son, both unnamed, travelling along a desolate road in a post apocalyptic world. All they have is a cart packed with few supplies, a gun with few bullets, and each other. The terrible event that caused the devastation of humanity is not known. The last denizens of mankind usually come in the form of violent cannibals, thieves, or the half dead. They starve, scavenge, hide, and at times confront situations that test their strengths and morality. The story is told with such vivid detail that you can almost taste the ash in the air of that tragic world. It is at times heartbreaking or hopeful and it is always haunting. McCarthy uses a great amount of prose in his writing, almost to the point where the book could be a soft ballad. It's some of the best I've ever read, than again I'm only now really getting into reading regularly. Even so, I think the critics would agree with me.
The themes of the novel, as with most novels, are open for discussion. You can interpret it however you want. McCarthy has stated that it is a reminder that, in these times of turmoil, "life is pretty damn good". I can dig that. Sure things are looking bad now, but it's better than having to walk the road for an unknown eternity.
Great book, good read, worthy purchase.
This has been a modest book review from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
I just finished reading Cormac McCarthy's post-apocalyptic saga The Road and I must say that it is a fine book. As a modern novel, it could be one of the greats. Many people seem to think so, as it was even graced with the Pulitzer Prize Award for fiction. It is a harrowing and thought provoking story that engrosses the reader. It's one you can't stop thinking about really.
I first became aware of Cormac McCarthy after watching the 2007 Best Picture winner No Country for Old Men, an adaptation of one of his latest works. I was amazed by that story and the depth to it. I'm often told that the books are always better than their adaptations. If that is true than No Country for Old Men is probably fantastic. I felt ashamed that I didn't read the book first, as I feel about many adaptations these days. When I heard The Road was going to be made into a film, I decided to read the book first. Family members of mine gave it high praise, so I was happy to read it.
The story follows a man and his son, both unnamed, travelling along a desolate road in a post apocalyptic world. All they have is a cart packed with few supplies, a gun with few bullets, and each other. The terrible event that caused the devastation of humanity is not known. The last denizens of mankind usually come in the form of violent cannibals, thieves, or the half dead. They starve, scavenge, hide, and at times confront situations that test their strengths and morality. The story is told with such vivid detail that you can almost taste the ash in the air of that tragic world. It is at times heartbreaking or hopeful and it is always haunting. McCarthy uses a great amount of prose in his writing, almost to the point where the book could be a soft ballad. It's some of the best I've ever read, than again I'm only now really getting into reading regularly. Even so, I think the critics would agree with me.
The themes of the novel, as with most novels, are open for discussion. You can interpret it however you want. McCarthy has stated that it is a reminder that, in these times of turmoil, "life is pretty damn good". I can dig that. Sure things are looking bad now, but it's better than having to walk the road for an unknown eternity.
Great book, good read, worthy purchase.
This has been a modest book review from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Youtube...THE FUTURE
I am a member of Youtube. I may even be involved with a new channel. I've gone across this flourishing site for a few years now and I've watched it evolve in those few years. Originally it seemed to be a site where people could upload their favorite videos or even videos of their own. Unsurprisingly, people are taking advantage of this.
But with the existence of communities within the Youtube world, a future is beginning. Maybe of communication, maybe of filmmaking, maybe both. People are able to have their own shows, their video blogs (Vlogs), or other commentary, or just the originally intended uploaded videos from previously existing media. Some people have become celebrities from their Youtube fan bases. Such people include Philip Defranco, Smosh, Lisa Nova, Bo Burnham, and unfortunately
"Fred". Is Youtube the Online Hollywood? Who knows what the technologically advanced future may hold.
This has been a thought tugging at the head of Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
But with the existence of communities within the Youtube world, a future is beginning. Maybe of communication, maybe of filmmaking, maybe both. People are able to have their own shows, their video blogs (Vlogs), or other commentary, or just the originally intended uploaded videos from previously existing media. Some people have become celebrities from their Youtube fan bases. Such people include Philip Defranco, Smosh, Lisa Nova, Bo Burnham, and unfortunately
"Fred". Is Youtube the Online Hollywood? Who knows what the technologically advanced future may hold.
This has been a thought tugging at the head of Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Goodbye Ted Kennedy
"For all those whose cares have been our concern, the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream will never die." - Edward "Ted" Kennedy
As you all Senator Ted Kennedy died a few days ago. I myself only first noticed Kennedy when he gave a speech at one of Barack Obama's campaign rallies in 2008. His speech was impassioned, he was not laid, he was serious and confident. He knew what he was talking about. That was one of the modern speeches I was really completely pulled into. Kennedy is known for having a lot strength and conviction, just like his more popular brothers Jack and Bobby.
In the Kennedy family, Ted was the youngest. He saw his older brothers die young doing what they knew to be right. The oldest Joseph died in combat. Jack was murdered while serving as president. Bobby was murdered while attempting to claim the office and get us out of Vietnam. Ted rested comfortably as a senator and the last of the Kennedy brothers. Once he attempted to run against Jimmy Carter in a presidential election and failed. From then on he's been one of the longest running senators. These days however, Ted is most remembered for doing something very valuable. He, along with President Obama, have strived to get universal healthcare, something we all greatly need.
I was not greatly surprised when I was told of his death. He had suffered a seizure immediately after Obama's election. Also, as I've stated before, there have been an increase in celebrity deaths lately. He died of a brain tumor as I've heard. In the last few days I have seen great mourning across the nation and droves of people going to pay their respects and famous politicians, and even the President and his friend Barack Obama have eulogized him.
Jack and Bobby may have held their own legends and legacies, but as a long survivor Ted now has something to contribute. He has fought for the proper values and rights the American people deserve and has made way for Barack Obama, the first black president who has more than once been compared to The Kennedy's. Hopefully his aspirations for better healthcare will come full circle in time, even if it is after his time.
This has been a word of a good American from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
As you all Senator Ted Kennedy died a few days ago. I myself only first noticed Kennedy when he gave a speech at one of Barack Obama's campaign rallies in 2008. His speech was impassioned, he was not laid, he was serious and confident. He knew what he was talking about. That was one of the modern speeches I was really completely pulled into. Kennedy is known for having a lot strength and conviction, just like his more popular brothers Jack and Bobby.
In the Kennedy family, Ted was the youngest. He saw his older brothers die young doing what they knew to be right. The oldest Joseph died in combat. Jack was murdered while serving as president. Bobby was murdered while attempting to claim the office and get us out of Vietnam. Ted rested comfortably as a senator and the last of the Kennedy brothers. Once he attempted to run against Jimmy Carter in a presidential election and failed. From then on he's been one of the longest running senators. These days however, Ted is most remembered for doing something very valuable. He, along with President Obama, have strived to get universal healthcare, something we all greatly need.
I was not greatly surprised when I was told of his death. He had suffered a seizure immediately after Obama's election. Also, as I've stated before, there have been an increase in celebrity deaths lately. He died of a brain tumor as I've heard. In the last few days I have seen great mourning across the nation and droves of people going to pay their respects and famous politicians, and even the President and his friend Barack Obama have eulogized him.
Jack and Bobby may have held their own legends and legacies, but as a long survivor Ted now has something to contribute. He has fought for the proper values and rights the American people deserve and has made way for Barack Obama, the first black president who has more than once been compared to The Kennedy's. Hopefully his aspirations for better healthcare will come full circle in time, even if it is after his time.
This has been a word of a good American from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Modest PSA # 2: Chucknorrillyis
DISCLAIMER: THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM EVEN THOUGH IT PROBABLY SHOULD BE
Hi there, I'm Your Modest Guru and I'm here to inform you good people about one of America's largest and, unfortunately, least known viruses. It has many titles, indeed many titles, but a common one is Chuck Norris. A common misconception is that Chuck Norris is an action star, not a very entertaining one, but an action star nonetheless. You may also think that he is a sort symbol of supreme masculinity and conservative values. If these are things you believe to be true, than you have more than likely succumbed to the Plague of Norris.
In these dark times of economic and social turmoil it is understandable how some could fall victim to Chuck Norris' false image. A long time ago it was only people who lived in the most backward and socially obscene locations that would be infected. But now the infection has spread. Common side effects would include an undying devotion to Chuck Norris movies, lore and reputation, a belief that country folk are true American warriors, and a desire for muscle structures bathed in red hair. And by some tragic twist, the infected develop a preternatural need for quad bikes, country music, and family farms. This virus commonly infects children aged 5 to 18. The virus is as of now universally uncurable.
So do yourself a favor, avoid Chuck Norris fandom and dissuade others from doing so as well. Be warned, others who have become infected may froth at the mouth and try kill and, even worse, infect you. But if you save them they will spend the rest of their lives thanking you. Stay clear of Chuck Norris. For information talk to your doctor or local legitimate film critic about the walking talking and action movie raping virus that is Chuck Norris.
So now you know and knowing is half the battle. The rest Your Modest Guru leaves to you. Thanks for reading.
Hi there, I'm Your Modest Guru and I'm here to inform you good people about one of America's largest and, unfortunately, least known viruses. It has many titles, indeed many titles, but a common one is Chuck Norris. A common misconception is that Chuck Norris is an action star, not a very entertaining one, but an action star nonetheless. You may also think that he is a sort symbol of supreme masculinity and conservative values. If these are things you believe to be true, than you have more than likely succumbed to the Plague of Norris.
In these dark times of economic and social turmoil it is understandable how some could fall victim to Chuck Norris' false image. A long time ago it was only people who lived in the most backward and socially obscene locations that would be infected. But now the infection has spread. Common side effects would include an undying devotion to Chuck Norris movies, lore and reputation, a belief that country folk are true American warriors, and a desire for muscle structures bathed in red hair. And by some tragic twist, the infected develop a preternatural need for quad bikes, country music, and family farms. This virus commonly infects children aged 5 to 18. The virus is as of now universally uncurable.
So do yourself a favor, avoid Chuck Norris fandom and dissuade others from doing so as well. Be warned, others who have become infected may froth at the mouth and try kill and, even worse, infect you. But if you save them they will spend the rest of their lives thanking you. Stay clear of Chuck Norris. For information talk to your doctor or local legitimate film critic about the walking talking and action movie raping virus that is Chuck Norris.
So now you know and knowing is half the battle. The rest Your Modest Guru leaves to you. Thanks for reading.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Inglourious Basterds Review.
"...It's a Tarantino movie. You don't go to see Metallica and ask the fuckers to turn the music down." - Quentin Tarantino
Inglourious Basterds. This is the movie independent filmmaker Quentin Tarantino has proclaimed to be his beast of a movie. His baby. A self proclaimed masterpiece. I remember reading about it before any form of advertisement. I saw names showing up like Michael Madsen, Brad Pitt, Simon Pegg, Leonardo Dicaprio, Mike Myers. Granted only two of them made it into the movie but still. I read that it was the film Tarantino had been dreaming of making since before Kill Bill. Then I saw the trailers with Brad Pitt strutting along talking about his plans to eviscerate the Nazis. Clips, mere glimpses shot across the screen showing huge shootouts, familiar faces, all to the sound of genuine dialogue. I was pumped from the getgo. And almost a year of anticipation later, I just returned from catching 3:25 showing of Tarantino's holy film Inglourious Basterds! AND LET ME TELL YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...It was pretty good.
Well, it's in no way a masterpiece. It's not even the best film of the year so far. I mean, this may be the hardest film to review. I should watch again so I can find the right words, but the world, or at least my small community of readers, has to know while it's still out.
Starting off, from the trailers one would think that this movie specifically follows a group of cutthroat bad ass Jewish soldiers and one overzealous redneck (Pitt) as they take on the whole Nazi party. If you thought this than you are wrong. The film was falsely advertised and falsely titled. The film is not centered on The Basterds. Truth be told, it isn't much centered on any one character. Sure we have the Americans scalping SS officers and such but there are more subplots. Such as a British operative (Michael Fassbender) sent in by an Allied CO (Mike Myers), than a German actress/spy (Diane Kruger), than a vengeful movie theatre owning Jewish girl (Melanie Laurent), and finally the atrocities of an eccentric SS colonel Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz). This is a perfect example of Tarantino's love for mythology. He always has a mythology with every story. Seriously the exploits of this movie could match that of the Bible.
I will despense with any comparisons with other Tarantino movies right...after this! Okay we get everything you'd expect. There are tight close ups, hip music (as hip as forties French music can be), cool action, clever dialogue (a bit too clever for the forties), memorable characters, chapters, movie references, and of course women's feet. Surprisingly Tarantino wasn't able to do a trunk angled shot. Strike 1: okay Quentin, I think after almost eight movies we get it. You are a very versatile filmgoer. You know a lot about movies. You know more than most people. Maybe even most filmmakers. This we know. Strike 2: I love Tarantino dialogue...That is, I loved it in the 90s. But so many characters, stretching out for so long and in the forties? The dialogue was kind of unbelieveable in this movie, just like it was for Kill Bill. There is no way every single character could be that well worded and smooth. And Christ, there are like twenty scenes of unbelieveable dialogue going for twenty goddamn minutes and at least ten scenes involving someone raising their glasses to toast to something. Strike 3: of all things that I couldn't believe he could've dropped the ball on, Tarantino does not do his characters any justice. He leads us to believe Brad Pitt and Eli Roth are the big stars of this movie when in fact they may have ten scenes. Not just that but no character has any development. Mike Myers has one scene, much like Christopher Walken. But where Walken stands out and makes himself memorable, Myers does not. People like Michael Fassbender (300) and Til Schwieger (from King Arthur and The Replacement Killers)show up. I know who these two are. They've played badasses before and they were built up to be bad asses here, and just when you think they are gonna kick some ass they are written off faster than a speeding bullet (literally). It was like in Reservoir Dogs if Mr. Blond had been killed before he cut off the cop's ear, it would've ruined the character.
Okay, if you're still reading let me make it clear that I did not hate this movie there were just some things that kept from achieving a rating of "Greatness". It must be said that this is probably the most creative thing Tarantino has ever done between Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill. And I'm sure that after the disappointment WWII film Valkryie, Inglourious Basterds is just what the doctor ordered. There are not huge battles and this is not a war. This is not history, in this film the universe belongs to Tarantino so he can do whatever he wants with it. Now this may catch some unsuspecting people by surprise, like it did me. But this decision sets it apart from other war movies and that is interesting. Though the characters were underdeveloped, the acting was solid. Melanie Laurent plays a woman turned cold and vicious by revenge and lets emotion slip in ever so often (in the context of her character, she could be Kill Bill's The Bride's mother). Actors like Eli Roth and Til Schwieger are cast as members of The Basterds who each hold legendary reputations. Roth is a protege of Tarantino's who performs well in his first big role as the zany "Bear Jew". Schwieger has the look of someone who always loathes everything around him and even though his time was cut short he was still good. Michael Fassbender has the thick British accent and an actual "jolly good" line that makes him a true cliche that somehow works; again he had the grace and potential to be a huge bad ass. Brad Pitt, for the few times we see him, is a delight to watch as always. He's older, making him a more believeable commanding officer. Not to mention he looks more like Robert Redford than ever. Had he had more scenes this could've been one of his best films. But the real show was Christoph Waltz as the villain Hans Landa. Here is a guy who encapsulates all sorts of mannerisms that make a character memorable. You can't tell whether he is insane or just weird. His scenes are the best. And speaking of scenes, there are those standout scenes that may or may not be memorable after a few more viewings. My favorite would have to be the intense and brutal opening involving Waltz and a scruffy Jude Law lookalike. Then there is another involving disguised Basterds trapped in a bar with several real Nazi soldiers. The bar scene could have been cut down by ten minutes but it was still great. In terms of directing this couldn't have been better. Cinematography, sets, acting, lighting, design, everything looks great and is great. Also if there is a reason to see this film at all, it is because this movie is absolutely hilarious. It's just hysterical! Tarantino brings his A game to the director's chair but not to the writer's desk.
So ending off, Inlgourious Bastards. Glourious or Inglourious? I can't say. It was a film I liked a great deal. Quentin Tarantino, saying this is the closest he has ever come to matching Pulp Fiction, has made a fascinating and unique film but certainly not a masterpiece. It can never be said that this movie was better than Pulp Fiction. It takes a helluva lot to get to that point. It was an enjoyable experience. It was an interesting way to look at movies and show how movies can be different. But it will not be talked about positively ten years from now. Some people may hate it, some people may love it, but I am only caught in between. The likes and dislikes outweigh each other, leaving me content. So any preconceptions you people may have had for Inglourious Basterds being the end all best movie of 2009, I may have to disagree. Now our only hope is Avatar. But oh no, James Cameron is proclaiming this to be HIS masterpiece. Will this one fail too? Let's hope not.
Inglourious Basterds. This is the movie independent filmmaker Quentin Tarantino has proclaimed to be his beast of a movie. His baby. A self proclaimed masterpiece. I remember reading about it before any form of advertisement. I saw names showing up like Michael Madsen, Brad Pitt, Simon Pegg, Leonardo Dicaprio, Mike Myers. Granted only two of them made it into the movie but still. I read that it was the film Tarantino had been dreaming of making since before Kill Bill. Then I saw the trailers with Brad Pitt strutting along talking about his plans to eviscerate the Nazis. Clips, mere glimpses shot across the screen showing huge shootouts, familiar faces, all to the sound of genuine dialogue. I was pumped from the getgo. And almost a year of anticipation later, I just returned from catching 3:25 showing of Tarantino's holy film Inglourious Basterds! AND LET ME TELL YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...It was pretty good.
Well, it's in no way a masterpiece. It's not even the best film of the year so far. I mean, this may be the hardest film to review. I should watch again so I can find the right words, but the world, or at least my small community of readers, has to know while it's still out.
Starting off, from the trailers one would think that this movie specifically follows a group of cutthroat bad ass Jewish soldiers and one overzealous redneck (Pitt) as they take on the whole Nazi party. If you thought this than you are wrong. The film was falsely advertised and falsely titled. The film is not centered on The Basterds. Truth be told, it isn't much centered on any one character. Sure we have the Americans scalping SS officers and such but there are more subplots. Such as a British operative (Michael Fassbender) sent in by an Allied CO (Mike Myers), than a German actress/spy (Diane Kruger), than a vengeful movie theatre owning Jewish girl (Melanie Laurent), and finally the atrocities of an eccentric SS colonel Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz). This is a perfect example of Tarantino's love for mythology. He always has a mythology with every story. Seriously the exploits of this movie could match that of the Bible.
I will despense with any comparisons with other Tarantino movies right...after this! Okay we get everything you'd expect. There are tight close ups, hip music (as hip as forties French music can be), cool action, clever dialogue (a bit too clever for the forties), memorable characters, chapters, movie references, and of course women's feet. Surprisingly Tarantino wasn't able to do a trunk angled shot. Strike 1: okay Quentin, I think after almost eight movies we get it. You are a very versatile filmgoer. You know a lot about movies. You know more than most people. Maybe even most filmmakers. This we know. Strike 2: I love Tarantino dialogue...That is, I loved it in the 90s. But so many characters, stretching out for so long and in the forties? The dialogue was kind of unbelieveable in this movie, just like it was for Kill Bill. There is no way every single character could be that well worded and smooth. And Christ, there are like twenty scenes of unbelieveable dialogue going for twenty goddamn minutes and at least ten scenes involving someone raising their glasses to toast to something. Strike 3: of all things that I couldn't believe he could've dropped the ball on, Tarantino does not do his characters any justice. He leads us to believe Brad Pitt and Eli Roth are the big stars of this movie when in fact they may have ten scenes. Not just that but no character has any development. Mike Myers has one scene, much like Christopher Walken. But where Walken stands out and makes himself memorable, Myers does not. People like Michael Fassbender (300) and Til Schwieger (from King Arthur and The Replacement Killers)show up. I know who these two are. They've played badasses before and they were built up to be bad asses here, and just when you think they are gonna kick some ass they are written off faster than a speeding bullet (literally). It was like in Reservoir Dogs if Mr. Blond had been killed before he cut off the cop's ear, it would've ruined the character.
Okay, if you're still reading let me make it clear that I did not hate this movie there were just some things that kept from achieving a rating of "Greatness". It must be said that this is probably the most creative thing Tarantino has ever done between Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill. And I'm sure that after the disappointment WWII film Valkryie, Inglourious Basterds is just what the doctor ordered. There are not huge battles and this is not a war. This is not history, in this film the universe belongs to Tarantino so he can do whatever he wants with it. Now this may catch some unsuspecting people by surprise, like it did me. But this decision sets it apart from other war movies and that is interesting. Though the characters were underdeveloped, the acting was solid. Melanie Laurent plays a woman turned cold and vicious by revenge and lets emotion slip in ever so often (in the context of her character, she could be Kill Bill's The Bride's mother). Actors like Eli Roth and Til Schwieger are cast as members of The Basterds who each hold legendary reputations. Roth is a protege of Tarantino's who performs well in his first big role as the zany "Bear Jew". Schwieger has the look of someone who always loathes everything around him and even though his time was cut short he was still good. Michael Fassbender has the thick British accent and an actual "jolly good" line that makes him a true cliche that somehow works; again he had the grace and potential to be a huge bad ass. Brad Pitt, for the few times we see him, is a delight to watch as always. He's older, making him a more believeable commanding officer. Not to mention he looks more like Robert Redford than ever. Had he had more scenes this could've been one of his best films. But the real show was Christoph Waltz as the villain Hans Landa. Here is a guy who encapsulates all sorts of mannerisms that make a character memorable. You can't tell whether he is insane or just weird. His scenes are the best. And speaking of scenes, there are those standout scenes that may or may not be memorable after a few more viewings. My favorite would have to be the intense and brutal opening involving Waltz and a scruffy Jude Law lookalike. Then there is another involving disguised Basterds trapped in a bar with several real Nazi soldiers. The bar scene could have been cut down by ten minutes but it was still great. In terms of directing this couldn't have been better. Cinematography, sets, acting, lighting, design, everything looks great and is great. Also if there is a reason to see this film at all, it is because this movie is absolutely hilarious. It's just hysterical! Tarantino brings his A game to the director's chair but not to the writer's desk.
So ending off, Inlgourious Bastards. Glourious or Inglourious? I can't say. It was a film I liked a great deal. Quentin Tarantino, saying this is the closest he has ever come to matching Pulp Fiction, has made a fascinating and unique film but certainly not a masterpiece. It can never be said that this movie was better than Pulp Fiction. It takes a helluva lot to get to that point. It was an enjoyable experience. It was an interesting way to look at movies and show how movies can be different. But it will not be talked about positively ten years from now. Some people may hate it, some people may love it, but I am only caught in between. The likes and dislikes outweigh each other, leaving me content. So any preconceptions you people may have had for Inglourious Basterds being the end all best movie of 2009, I may have to disagree. Now our only hope is Avatar. But oh no, James Cameron is proclaiming this to be HIS masterpiece. Will this one fail too? Let's hope not.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Michael Vick = Old news
"No man chooses evil because it is evil. He only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks." - Mary Wollstonecraft
Okay I'm not doing any build up because everybody knows about this already, football player Michael Vick is responsible for the brutalization, exploitation and killing of several dogs. In fact he was involved in an entire dog fighting ring. Of course he was arrested and released a short time ago, but was refused a spot back on his football team, The Eagles. There has been much debate as to whether or not he should be allowed to play again. I don't see why not, sure he is a horrible man but so was OJ (Okay I know I don't know that for sure but with the recent armed robbery charges he looks pretty bad). Many football fans are probably defending Vick, I don't care. He's still a terrible person, only a horrible person could force dogs to do the most horrific thing and then drown them. Sure it's not like he killed a person, but a dog is still a living creature. And I have to admit a very lovable creature. Seriously a lot of dogs look a lot better than some of the people I know. It's hard to imagine just looking into a dog's big, oblivious eyes and then massacre it.
Apparently, Michael-pussy-puppy-killing-motherfucker-Vick really regrets what he did. Incidentally he feels real bad about it after he was thrown into prison and his career and livelyhood was threatened and not when he was torturing and killing dogs. Should he get his career back? Why not. His animal cruelties are not inspired by football, they are inspired by him being an evil sadistic bastard. I guess tackling people, breaking bones, and running across a field full of people who want to do the same to you for a living is not enough of a rush for Mr. Vick. No killing hapless animals is the real juice. Funny how animal cruelty is an early sign of a serial killer. This guy might just kill somebody someday. Why not give him a bunch of money and a favorable reputation...Well he's never gonna be favorable again.
To end off, you enjoy your freedom, Mr Vick, and maybe another shot at a promising football career. Sure you should probably be further punished and lose a lot more for what you did, but hey that's life! Soak it up, you son of a bitch. I look forward to seeing you in the papers.
"VICK'S FINGERPRINTS FOUND AT CRIME SCENE"
This has been a memorable slice of football history from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Okay I'm not doing any build up because everybody knows about this already, football player Michael Vick is responsible for the brutalization, exploitation and killing of several dogs. In fact he was involved in an entire dog fighting ring. Of course he was arrested and released a short time ago, but was refused a spot back on his football team, The Eagles. There has been much debate as to whether or not he should be allowed to play again. I don't see why not, sure he is a horrible man but so was OJ (Okay I know I don't know that for sure but with the recent armed robbery charges he looks pretty bad). Many football fans are probably defending Vick, I don't care. He's still a terrible person, only a horrible person could force dogs to do the most horrific thing and then drown them. Sure it's not like he killed a person, but a dog is still a living creature. And I have to admit a very lovable creature. Seriously a lot of dogs look a lot better than some of the people I know. It's hard to imagine just looking into a dog's big, oblivious eyes and then massacre it.
Apparently, Michael-pussy-puppy-killing-motherfucker-Vick really regrets what he did. Incidentally he feels real bad about it after he was thrown into prison and his career and livelyhood was threatened and not when he was torturing and killing dogs. Should he get his career back? Why not. His animal cruelties are not inspired by football, they are inspired by him being an evil sadistic bastard. I guess tackling people, breaking bones, and running across a field full of people who want to do the same to you for a living is not enough of a rush for Mr. Vick. No killing hapless animals is the real juice. Funny how animal cruelty is an early sign of a serial killer. This guy might just kill somebody someday. Why not give him a bunch of money and a favorable reputation...Well he's never gonna be favorable again.
To end off, you enjoy your freedom, Mr Vick, and maybe another shot at a promising football career. Sure you should probably be further punished and lose a lot more for what you did, but hey that's life! Soak it up, you son of a bitch. I look forward to seeing you in the papers.
"VICK'S FINGERPRINTS FOUND AT CRIME SCENE"
This has been a memorable slice of football history from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Obama: American President, gun magnet
Recently, local republicans have shown up at Obama rallies carrying guns. Pistols and, if I'm not mistaken, asssualt rifles. Somehow these men weren't immediately detained or shot, seeing as how the last few times men have came near a President with guns John Kennedy was killed and Ronald Reagan was wounded. These armed men claimed to be carrying the guns with no other reason than the fact that they had a Constitutional right to bear arms. In essence, they are saying that John Wilkes Booth, Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan, Lee Harvey Oswald, James Earl Ray, and Mark David Chapman were all in the right just seconds before murdering Abraham Lincoln, Robert Kennedy, John Kennedy, Martin Luther King, and John Lennon. We got some real patriots in this country. These people came with many others baring signs that proclaim Obama is a racist Nazi... And they have guns. Knock, knock law enforcement. I know it's a shot in the dark, but I get the feeling that these guys may hate Obama. Indeed we do live in strange times, when a black man is arrested in his own home while white men can flash their hardware in front of the greatest power in the country and walk away clean. It's intimidation tactics, a fuckin blind person could see that.
My theory on why these gun toting sheeople were not at least escorted away from the area. I'm guessing it's the doing of conservative law enforcement. I mean, it's not like modern cops don't allow their political views to slip in past the law and corrupt their work. Remember, the kid getting tazed at John Kerry's speech for asking a legitimate but apparently liberal oriented question. "DON'T TAZE ME BRO!" Can anybody really say that they don't see the harm in allowing armed Obama detesters appear when he visits? Will it take a flurry of gunfire thrown at him before authorities do anything? I don't know, but in a world where logic is supposed to be commonplace I would think I would. If we keep this up, this country is gonna be going to hell in a hand basket very soon.
This has been a report of Americans actin a damn fool by Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
My theory on why these gun toting sheeople were not at least escorted away from the area. I'm guessing it's the doing of conservative law enforcement. I mean, it's not like modern cops don't allow their political views to slip in past the law and corrupt their work. Remember, the kid getting tazed at John Kerry's speech for asking a legitimate but apparently liberal oriented question. "DON'T TAZE ME BRO!" Can anybody really say that they don't see the harm in allowing armed Obama detesters appear when he visits? Will it take a flurry of gunfire thrown at him before authorities do anything? I don't know, but in a world where logic is supposed to be commonplace I would think I would. If we keep this up, this country is gonna be going to hell in a hand basket very soon.
This has been a report of Americans actin a damn fool by Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Summing Up Tarantino Movies
I can't think of a quote so I will only advise you to read Ezekiel 25:17.
This is one of two segments I've started on my blog, the other being Modest PSAs. In Sum Ups, I obviously give a summary of different things that exist in the media, beginning with the career of independent writer-director Quentin Tarantino. Before I start let me say that I adore Tarantino's movies and this is just for comedy. Oh yeah and SPOILER WARNING!
BEGIN!!!
RESERVOIR DOGS (1992):
In the end everybody is dead...Except for Mr. Pink. And we learn something meaningful: Like a Virgin is a metaphor for big dicks.
TRUE ROMANCE (1993):
In the end a helluva lot of people die and Clarence loses an eye. And we learn something meaningful: listening to Elvis will fuck your life up.
PULP FICTION (1994):
In the end Vincent, Zed and Marvin die, Jules finds a purpose, Mia ODs, Marsellus gets raped and Butch gets a chopper. And we learn something meaningful: never go into a pawn shop and God saves hitmen.
NATURAL BORN KILLERS (1994):
In the end Mickey and Mallory have a bunch of kids and a very large body count, Wayne Gale dies nobely, and Oliver Stone somehow gets another message across. And we learn something meaningful: Everybody is deep down inside a killer, especially Robert Downey, Jr, no surprise there.
FOUR ROOMS (1995):
In the end Norman loses his little pinky, Chester spills a bucket of ice, and Ted gets to get the hell away from this movie. And we learn something meaningful: You shouldn't imitate everything you see on TV...No seriously, that's not a joke.
FROM DUSK TILL DAWN (1996):
In the end the vampires and most of the heroes are all killed, Seth gets his money and bails, Kate leaves in her dad's trailer, Carlos wonders what the fuck happened, and no one who ever came to the bar seemed to notice a goddamn vampire kingdom behind the building. And we learn something meaningful: Selma Hayek is the hottest woman alive! And God if Tarantino wasn't the luckiest man ever.
JACKIE BROWN (1997):
In the end Louis thankfully kills Melanie, Ordell kills Beaumont and Louis, Nicolette kills Ordell, Jackie and Max kiss and Tarantino realized he shouldn't do book adaptations. And we learn something meaningful: don't fuck with Pam Grier I suppose... Or don't trust a nice criminal Samuel L. Jackson.
KILL BILL VOL. 1 (2003):
In the end The Bride spouts some pretty corny lines and kills the very hot Vernita, the even hotter O Ren, a couple of rapists, a teenaged assassin, and at least 80 gangsters, we never see Bill, Elle is a bitch and a very soap operaish cliffhanger ensues. And we learn something meaningful: Never, ever, fuck with Uma Thurman I suppose.
KILL BILL VOL. 2 (2004):
In the end we are left impacted by poisonous snakes, Texas funerals, gouged eyes, long ass monologues and a broken down pussy wagon...Oh and The Bride kills Bill who I was just starting to like. And we learn something meaningful: Uh, little girls stomping goldfish is a perfect example of life and death apparently, as the great philosopher Bill once said.
DEATH PROOF (2007):
In the end Stuntman Mike is a pussy psychopath, he has managed to kill a bunch of tough girls who are so obviously gay, scare another bunch of tough girls who are so obviously gay, get scared by those obviously gay tough girls, get killed by those obviously gay tough girls and in the end I still find myself only liking the crazed killer Stuntman Mike and not the some fifteen hot obviously gay tough girls. And we learn something meaningful: I really don't know, all I know is, judging from the dialogue, Tarantino has obviously spent more time around psychopaths then he has women.
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (2009):
In the end history has taken a bloody, extradordinarily different turn, like five of The Basterds disappeared with no explanation why, every character I liked was killed too fast or not given enough screen time save for that hilarious Nazi colonel, and I'm content. And we learn something meaningful: QUENTIN TARANTINO SAVED THE WORLD!!!
This has been the first issue of Sum Ups from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
This is one of two segments I've started on my blog, the other being Modest PSAs. In Sum Ups, I obviously give a summary of different things that exist in the media, beginning with the career of independent writer-director Quentin Tarantino. Before I start let me say that I adore Tarantino's movies and this is just for comedy. Oh yeah and SPOILER WARNING!
BEGIN!!!
RESERVOIR DOGS (1992):
In the end everybody is dead...Except for Mr. Pink. And we learn something meaningful: Like a Virgin is a metaphor for big dicks.
TRUE ROMANCE (1993):
In the end a helluva lot of people die and Clarence loses an eye. And we learn something meaningful: listening to Elvis will fuck your life up.
PULP FICTION (1994):
In the end Vincent, Zed and Marvin die, Jules finds a purpose, Mia ODs, Marsellus gets raped and Butch gets a chopper. And we learn something meaningful: never go into a pawn shop and God saves hitmen.
NATURAL BORN KILLERS (1994):
In the end Mickey and Mallory have a bunch of kids and a very large body count, Wayne Gale dies nobely, and Oliver Stone somehow gets another message across. And we learn something meaningful: Everybody is deep down inside a killer, especially Robert Downey, Jr, no surprise there.
FOUR ROOMS (1995):
In the end Norman loses his little pinky, Chester spills a bucket of ice, and Ted gets to get the hell away from this movie. And we learn something meaningful: You shouldn't imitate everything you see on TV...No seriously, that's not a joke.
FROM DUSK TILL DAWN (1996):
In the end the vampires and most of the heroes are all killed, Seth gets his money and bails, Kate leaves in her dad's trailer, Carlos wonders what the fuck happened, and no one who ever came to the bar seemed to notice a goddamn vampire kingdom behind the building. And we learn something meaningful: Selma Hayek is the hottest woman alive! And God if Tarantino wasn't the luckiest man ever.
JACKIE BROWN (1997):
In the end Louis thankfully kills Melanie, Ordell kills Beaumont and Louis, Nicolette kills Ordell, Jackie and Max kiss and Tarantino realized he shouldn't do book adaptations. And we learn something meaningful: don't fuck with Pam Grier I suppose... Or don't trust a nice criminal Samuel L. Jackson.
KILL BILL VOL. 1 (2003):
In the end The Bride spouts some pretty corny lines and kills the very hot Vernita, the even hotter O Ren, a couple of rapists, a teenaged assassin, and at least 80 gangsters, we never see Bill, Elle is a bitch and a very soap operaish cliffhanger ensues. And we learn something meaningful: Never, ever, fuck with Uma Thurman I suppose.
KILL BILL VOL. 2 (2004):
In the end we are left impacted by poisonous snakes, Texas funerals, gouged eyes, long ass monologues and a broken down pussy wagon...Oh and The Bride kills Bill who I was just starting to like. And we learn something meaningful: Uh, little girls stomping goldfish is a perfect example of life and death apparently, as the great philosopher Bill once said.
DEATH PROOF (2007):
In the end Stuntman Mike is a pussy psychopath, he has managed to kill a bunch of tough girls who are so obviously gay, scare another bunch of tough girls who are so obviously gay, get scared by those obviously gay tough girls, get killed by those obviously gay tough girls and in the end I still find myself only liking the crazed killer Stuntman Mike and not the some fifteen hot obviously gay tough girls. And we learn something meaningful: I really don't know, all I know is, judging from the dialogue, Tarantino has obviously spent more time around psychopaths then he has women.
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (2009):
In the end history has taken a bloody, extradordinarily different turn, like five of The Basterds disappeared with no explanation why, every character I liked was killed too fast or not given enough screen time save for that hilarious Nazi colonel, and I'm content. And we learn something meaningful: QUENTIN TARANTINO SAVED THE WORLD!!!
This has been the first issue of Sum Ups from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Modest PSA #1: Jonasyndrome
DISCLAIMER: THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM EVEN THOUGH IT PROBABLY SHOULD BE.
Hi there, I'm Your Modest Guru and I'm here to inform you good people about a terrible affliction that is plaguing the minds of adolescents more and more every day. It's called The Jonas Brothers. True, you may think nothing of it at first and I can't blame you, you're a parent who thinks "well it's just another boy band fascination. I went through it and now so is my child. No harm done." This is false.
Every week a young girl between the ages of 5 to 15 begins listening to The Jonas Brothers music. As a result, the one listening to the music will lose seventy percent of their IQ and spiral down into a maelstrom of delirium in which they believe they must keep listening and insisting on The Jonas Brothers sheer godlike prowess and that their boyish good looks are not merely hallucinations. Other symptoms may be increased religious services and a chronic need for a abstinant penis.
Now, as I've said, I know parents will not think anything of The Jonas Brothers but it must be understood that these Disney endorsed teen icons are in fact murdering the minds of your girls. So do them a favor and dispose of their Jonas Brothers merchandise and let them listen to the honestly good musicians such as Foreigner or Duran Duran or the multi talented MC Hammer. They will scream and cry and cut themselves and tie pillows to thier ears but sixty years from now they will thank you for it. Remember parents, letting your children listen to The Jonas Brothers' music is like never letting them hear music for their entire lives...And it causes dementia.
So now you know and knowing is half the battle. The rest Your Modest Guru leaves to you. Thanks for reading.
Hi there, I'm Your Modest Guru and I'm here to inform you good people about a terrible affliction that is plaguing the minds of adolescents more and more every day. It's called The Jonas Brothers. True, you may think nothing of it at first and I can't blame you, you're a parent who thinks "well it's just another boy band fascination. I went through it and now so is my child. No harm done." This is false.
Every week a young girl between the ages of 5 to 15 begins listening to The Jonas Brothers music. As a result, the one listening to the music will lose seventy percent of their IQ and spiral down into a maelstrom of delirium in which they believe they must keep listening and insisting on The Jonas Brothers sheer godlike prowess and that their boyish good looks are not merely hallucinations. Other symptoms may be increased religious services and a chronic need for a abstinant penis.
Now, as I've said, I know parents will not think anything of The Jonas Brothers but it must be understood that these Disney endorsed teen icons are in fact murdering the minds of your girls. So do them a favor and dispose of their Jonas Brothers merchandise and let them listen to the honestly good musicians such as Foreigner or Duran Duran or the multi talented MC Hammer. They will scream and cry and cut themselves and tie pillows to thier ears but sixty years from now they will thank you for it. Remember parents, letting your children listen to The Jonas Brothers' music is like never letting them hear music for their entire lives...And it causes dementia.
So now you know and knowing is half the battle. The rest Your Modest Guru leaves to you. Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
My Top Ten Badass Women
"Women would rule the world if only they'd stop bitching about each other!" - Chris Rock
While the majority of my heroes are male, I have to say in my experience women always come out the more powerful. I mean they're the ones that keep us in line and coordinate our thoughts so that we may do the right thing. You don't think so but they do. That's how powerful they are. Women are fierce and mighty, even the Greeks thought so (Aphrodite anyone). Oh yeah, not to be a jerk, but let's not forget that they are beautiful. Seriously only one of absolute discipline can see past a woman's beauty and charm. Men have the balls indeed, but women have them in their clutches. In my time I've found several strong women to look up to. These can be real or fictional...Mostly fictional. And remember this is just based on my opinions and are in order based on how well these girls impacted me in my life. So here are my top ten badass women.
10. Scarlet O'Hara from Gone With the Wind
"As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again!"
Yes the staple of a female overcoming harsh times. And I mean HARSH. Scarlett was a rich southern belle who fell into decay along with her family during the Civil War. Obviously the South lost, but Scarlett of all people was left to make due. She brought her home back from disrepair and even managed to kill herself a possibly dangerous intruder. Despite her shortcomings, Scarlett never let herself fall down. You might be thinking "why is she at the top? Wouldn't you rate her higher?" No I wouldn't, because, even though she was brave and strong, SCARLETT O'HARA PISSED ME OFF! I mean my God, there has never been a character I've wanted to sucker punch more throughout a movie! I mean she was selfish and cruel and inconsiderate and just a whiney fucking bitch. She longs to be with some guy because...Well just because, but he loves someone else. This someone else is the sweetest person in the world who up until the day she dies thinks of Scarlett as her cherished best friend. But Scarlett more or less hated this person because her crush loved her. Also probably the one guy in the world who accepted her flaws, Rhet Butler, a hero in every sense of the word fell in love with her and stuck with her for God knows what reason but finally comes to his senses the same time she does. Unfortunately he "doesn't give a damn" anymore and leaves her behind at the moment she realizes she loves him. You'd think this would be too late for her but I guess a theme of the story is that it is never too late. So even though I pretty much despised Scarlett O'Hara personality-wise, I give her number ten for her fire and triumphant soul.
9. Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction
"That's when you know you've found somebody really special, when you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence."
Without really even trying, Mia is just cool. She talks cool, looks cool, and acts cool. She's a hip disco girl who just so happens to be married to a big time gangster. This is probably the party girl from college who was a little too much for people. Not because she is zany or weird but because she is fearless. Fearless people are dangerous by nature. Of course she does get more than she bargained for in the end. One thing's for sure, a night with her will not be uninteresting at all. It will involve night club dancing, five dollar milkshakes, cocaine, deep conversations and syringes full of adrenaline (sounds almost like a night with Hunter S. Thompson, but toned down). So here we have Mia Wallace who is just naturally badass.
8. Any character played by Faye Dunaway
"I don't get tough with anyone, Mr. Gittes. My lawyer does."
No I have not seen all of Faye Dunaway's movies, but in all the ones I have seen she is always a powerful figure. Be it her enigmatic leading role in Chinatown, or her portrayal of American outlaw Bonnie Parker in Bonnie and Clyde, or even as the cold calculating TV exec in Network. She's always a beast. I am somewhat biased due to the fact that I find Faye Dunaway to be one of the most attractive women to be in movies. It's a sort of classical beauty that was bred for femme fatale roles. She could've played Catwoman or a James Bond girl. The same can be said for Jennifer Lopez, Jodie Foster or Julia Roberts. One way or another, Faye kicks ass.
7. Leia Organa Skywalker Solo from Star Wars
"Listen I don't know who you are or where you came from, but from now on you do as I tell you. Okay?"
One of my first memories of a powerful woman warrior. What better world for this than Star Wars. This is the classic kind of fictional princess, she's not only a politician but a rebel enforcer against the Empire. One of the first things she does is kill stormtroopers...And get captured. Anyway Leia is always a headstrong, take charge, born leader who handles herself just as well in the battlefield as she does in the senate. Sure she does have the average problems like falling for mercenaries, being the daughter of her arch enemy and going Angelina Jolie on her long lost brother but we can forgive that. Fact of the matter is that Leia is a badass.
6. Eleanor Roosevelt
"A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until she put into hot water."
If ever there was a woman behind a man it was First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt. Social activist, political speaker, and former sorority girl, Eleanor was the neice of former president Theodore and wife of Franklin, probably my favorite president. She was a huge supporter of Franklin's New Deal plan and later a delegate for the United Nations at Harry Truman's behest. Though she was better known for her charm, her popular relationship with the people and her principles. She stood by her physically feeble husband up until his final days when he preferred the company of friend and former mistress Lucy Mercer...Douche. Eleanor Roosevelt is certainly one of the most popular First Ladies and one of the most popular American women, making her a superb addition to this list.
5. Susan B. Anthony
"The true woman will not be exponent of another, or allow another to be such for her. She will be her own individual self. Stand or fall by her own individual strength. She will proclaim the "glad tidings of good news" to all women, that woman equally with man was made for her own individual happiness, to develop every talent given to her by god in the great work of life."
Oh yeah, the original woman warrior. Susan B. Anthony is known for fighting for equal rights of others her whole life. No family, just a life long battle for freedoms of the white man for every man and woman. Unfortunately she never lived to see her dream come to fruition. Her cause was one of the most noble and it all culminated in a new Amendment being written into the Constitution allowing women to vote in the 1920s. Susan spent her life fighting for something with such conviction and she won. Susan B. Anthony is on this list for the fact that she put the balls in the hands of women.
4. Rosa Parks
"Stand for something or you will fall for anything. Today's mighty oak is yesterday's nut that held it's ground."
I find that sometimes the most important thing you can say is "no". Rosa Parks said this when she sat in the wrong place on the bus home from work. She was a black woman sitting in a white man's seat, she was told to move and didnt and she was arrested. This sole act set off a chain reaction of civil rights leaders and marches and protests and Aryan anarchy. What I loved was how strong she was and at the same time how humble. All she ever said was that she was just trying to go home and apparently someone had a problem with that. Rosa Parks was scared like any black woman was scared in her time. She lived in a time of Klan killings and discrimination all around. The fact that she, not standing it any longer, defied the status quo was completely badass. It makes her an American rebel.
3. Sarah Conner from The Terminator Series
"The future, always so clear to me, had become like a black highway at night. We were in uncharted territory now. Making up history as we went along."
Another early representation of a strong women. Sarah is an ordinary woman drafted into the world's most important destiny: she is the mother of the future leader of humanity. After falling for and bearing the child of a soldier from the 2020s, Sarah is forced to drop her sweet and good natured personality to become strong and experienced for her son, so that he may learn from her and become the messaiah he was born to be. Things aren't at all easy as cyborg assassins from the future called Terminators drop in every so often to kill her and her son. Nowadays most people might think of John Conner more than Sarah for reasons obviously related to the whole Christ figure status. But in my mind Sarah Conner was always the true hero of these movies. Nothing's more powerful than a mother protecting her child. Though it is a shame that the sweet as can be woman we are first introduced to is turned into an unstable, cynical soldier of the world. Still Sarah Conner has much depth and strength and more than deserved a spot on my list. The kind of mom a son might wanna, or have to, be like.
2. Erin Brockovich
"Look I don't know shit about shit but I do know right from wrong."
If people didn't know about Erin Brockovich after her triumphs, than they certainly did after her Julia Roberts film portrayal. Who'd a thought a former beauty pageant winner would go on to become president of a consulting firm after a series of dead end jobs and no legal background? Not most people, but she did. With a pile of kids and bills to pay, Erin took a job as a clerk in a law firm and eventually wound investigating one Pacific Gas and Electric company that was contaminating a California town's water supply, causing several horrific results to the townspeople. Working around the clock and with great difficulty, Brockovich was able to help build a case against the company which won in court and got a settlement of $333 million. It really shows what the average American person can accomplish with enough self reliance and determination. See the movie if you can or read about Erin's story.
1. Stacy Cox a.k.a. Mom
"You have to make up your mind whether or not to feel good or bad."
Of course it is my mom. I'm sorry but she is the woman who has had the most impact on my life. Mainly because she taught me about life. She is a strong, independent thinking woman who has never been one to lie to me. Parents are more or less responsible for the shaping of a child, I think the same can be said for mine. Though she would disagree, my mother has done everything right by me. She taught me right from wrong, how to expand my imagination, and how to be caring and generous. I wouldn't be the person I am today without her. The first example of a strong woman for anybody should be a mother and mine was. She is the strongest woman I know and I love her for that. Not to get too emotional, that's the way I feel.
This has been a testosterone free top ten list from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for Reading.
While the majority of my heroes are male, I have to say in my experience women always come out the more powerful. I mean they're the ones that keep us in line and coordinate our thoughts so that we may do the right thing. You don't think so but they do. That's how powerful they are. Women are fierce and mighty, even the Greeks thought so (Aphrodite anyone). Oh yeah, not to be a jerk, but let's not forget that they are beautiful. Seriously only one of absolute discipline can see past a woman's beauty and charm. Men have the balls indeed, but women have them in their clutches. In my time I've found several strong women to look up to. These can be real or fictional...Mostly fictional. And remember this is just based on my opinions and are in order based on how well these girls impacted me in my life. So here are my top ten badass women.
10. Scarlet O'Hara from Gone With the Wind
"As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again!"
Yes the staple of a female overcoming harsh times. And I mean HARSH. Scarlett was a rich southern belle who fell into decay along with her family during the Civil War. Obviously the South lost, but Scarlett of all people was left to make due. She brought her home back from disrepair and even managed to kill herself a possibly dangerous intruder. Despite her shortcomings, Scarlett never let herself fall down. You might be thinking "why is she at the top? Wouldn't you rate her higher?" No I wouldn't, because, even though she was brave and strong, SCARLETT O'HARA PISSED ME OFF! I mean my God, there has never been a character I've wanted to sucker punch more throughout a movie! I mean she was selfish and cruel and inconsiderate and just a whiney fucking bitch. She longs to be with some guy because...Well just because, but he loves someone else. This someone else is the sweetest person in the world who up until the day she dies thinks of Scarlett as her cherished best friend. But Scarlett more or less hated this person because her crush loved her. Also probably the one guy in the world who accepted her flaws, Rhet Butler, a hero in every sense of the word fell in love with her and stuck with her for God knows what reason but finally comes to his senses the same time she does. Unfortunately he "doesn't give a damn" anymore and leaves her behind at the moment she realizes she loves him. You'd think this would be too late for her but I guess a theme of the story is that it is never too late. So even though I pretty much despised Scarlett O'Hara personality-wise, I give her number ten for her fire and triumphant soul.
9. Mia Wallace from Pulp Fiction
"That's when you know you've found somebody really special, when you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence."
Without really even trying, Mia is just cool. She talks cool, looks cool, and acts cool. She's a hip disco girl who just so happens to be married to a big time gangster. This is probably the party girl from college who was a little too much for people. Not because she is zany or weird but because she is fearless. Fearless people are dangerous by nature. Of course she does get more than she bargained for in the end. One thing's for sure, a night with her will not be uninteresting at all. It will involve night club dancing, five dollar milkshakes, cocaine, deep conversations and syringes full of adrenaline (sounds almost like a night with Hunter S. Thompson, but toned down). So here we have Mia Wallace who is just naturally badass.
8. Any character played by Faye Dunaway
"I don't get tough with anyone, Mr. Gittes. My lawyer does."
No I have not seen all of Faye Dunaway's movies, but in all the ones I have seen she is always a powerful figure. Be it her enigmatic leading role in Chinatown, or her portrayal of American outlaw Bonnie Parker in Bonnie and Clyde, or even as the cold calculating TV exec in Network. She's always a beast. I am somewhat biased due to the fact that I find Faye Dunaway to be one of the most attractive women to be in movies. It's a sort of classical beauty that was bred for femme fatale roles. She could've played Catwoman or a James Bond girl. The same can be said for Jennifer Lopez, Jodie Foster or Julia Roberts. One way or another, Faye kicks ass.
7. Leia Organa Skywalker Solo from Star Wars
"Listen I don't know who you are or where you came from, but from now on you do as I tell you. Okay?"
One of my first memories of a powerful woman warrior. What better world for this than Star Wars. This is the classic kind of fictional princess, she's not only a politician but a rebel enforcer against the Empire. One of the first things she does is kill stormtroopers...And get captured. Anyway Leia is always a headstrong, take charge, born leader who handles herself just as well in the battlefield as she does in the senate. Sure she does have the average problems like falling for mercenaries, being the daughter of her arch enemy and going Angelina Jolie on her long lost brother but we can forgive that. Fact of the matter is that Leia is a badass.
6. Eleanor Roosevelt
"A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until she put into hot water."
If ever there was a woman behind a man it was First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt. Social activist, political speaker, and former sorority girl, Eleanor was the neice of former president Theodore and wife of Franklin, probably my favorite president. She was a huge supporter of Franklin's New Deal plan and later a delegate for the United Nations at Harry Truman's behest. Though she was better known for her charm, her popular relationship with the people and her principles. She stood by her physically feeble husband up until his final days when he preferred the company of friend and former mistress Lucy Mercer...Douche. Eleanor Roosevelt is certainly one of the most popular First Ladies and one of the most popular American women, making her a superb addition to this list.
5. Susan B. Anthony
"The true woman will not be exponent of another, or allow another to be such for her. She will be her own individual self. Stand or fall by her own individual strength. She will proclaim the "glad tidings of good news" to all women, that woman equally with man was made for her own individual happiness, to develop every talent given to her by god in the great work of life."
Oh yeah, the original woman warrior. Susan B. Anthony is known for fighting for equal rights of others her whole life. No family, just a life long battle for freedoms of the white man for every man and woman. Unfortunately she never lived to see her dream come to fruition. Her cause was one of the most noble and it all culminated in a new Amendment being written into the Constitution allowing women to vote in the 1920s. Susan spent her life fighting for something with such conviction and she won. Susan B. Anthony is on this list for the fact that she put the balls in the hands of women.
4. Rosa Parks
"Stand for something or you will fall for anything. Today's mighty oak is yesterday's nut that held it's ground."
I find that sometimes the most important thing you can say is "no". Rosa Parks said this when she sat in the wrong place on the bus home from work. She was a black woman sitting in a white man's seat, she was told to move and didnt and she was arrested. This sole act set off a chain reaction of civil rights leaders and marches and protests and Aryan anarchy. What I loved was how strong she was and at the same time how humble. All she ever said was that she was just trying to go home and apparently someone had a problem with that. Rosa Parks was scared like any black woman was scared in her time. She lived in a time of Klan killings and discrimination all around. The fact that she, not standing it any longer, defied the status quo was completely badass. It makes her an American rebel.
3. Sarah Conner from The Terminator Series
"The future, always so clear to me, had become like a black highway at night. We were in uncharted territory now. Making up history as we went along."
Another early representation of a strong women. Sarah is an ordinary woman drafted into the world's most important destiny: she is the mother of the future leader of humanity. After falling for and bearing the child of a soldier from the 2020s, Sarah is forced to drop her sweet and good natured personality to become strong and experienced for her son, so that he may learn from her and become the messaiah he was born to be. Things aren't at all easy as cyborg assassins from the future called Terminators drop in every so often to kill her and her son. Nowadays most people might think of John Conner more than Sarah for reasons obviously related to the whole Christ figure status. But in my mind Sarah Conner was always the true hero of these movies. Nothing's more powerful than a mother protecting her child. Though it is a shame that the sweet as can be woman we are first introduced to is turned into an unstable, cynical soldier of the world. Still Sarah Conner has much depth and strength and more than deserved a spot on my list. The kind of mom a son might wanna, or have to, be like.
2. Erin Brockovich
"Look I don't know shit about shit but I do know right from wrong."
If people didn't know about Erin Brockovich after her triumphs, than they certainly did after her Julia Roberts film portrayal. Who'd a thought a former beauty pageant winner would go on to become president of a consulting firm after a series of dead end jobs and no legal background? Not most people, but she did. With a pile of kids and bills to pay, Erin took a job as a clerk in a law firm and eventually wound investigating one Pacific Gas and Electric company that was contaminating a California town's water supply, causing several horrific results to the townspeople. Working around the clock and with great difficulty, Brockovich was able to help build a case against the company which won in court and got a settlement of $333 million. It really shows what the average American person can accomplish with enough self reliance and determination. See the movie if you can or read about Erin's story.
1. Stacy Cox a.k.a. Mom
"You have to make up your mind whether or not to feel good or bad."
Of course it is my mom. I'm sorry but she is the woman who has had the most impact on my life. Mainly because she taught me about life. She is a strong, independent thinking woman who has never been one to lie to me. Parents are more or less responsible for the shaping of a child, I think the same can be said for mine. Though she would disagree, my mother has done everything right by me. She taught me right from wrong, how to expand my imagination, and how to be caring and generous. I wouldn't be the person I am today without her. The first example of a strong woman for anybody should be a mother and mine was. She is the strongest woman I know and I love her for that. Not to get too emotional, that's the way I feel.
This has been a testosterone free top ten list from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for Reading.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Young scandalous ladies...Aw yeah!!!
"Gossip is charming. History is merely gossip ... But scandal is gossip made tedious by morality." - Oscar Wilde
Okay just jumping straight into subject I have to ask any young, oddly enough young role models for teenage girls who are no doubt reading this blog, what are you thinking? I mean even if you're drunk I would think you'd be a little bit sensible. You are famous, everyone is watching you, many young and obviously confused girls look up to you. So is it a really good idea to let someone you may or may not know all that well take pictures of you naked? You may have trouble answering this question so I will do it for you. The answer to the question is NO YOU SHOULD NOT!!!
I am of course talking about two of our favorite young Hollywood honeys Vanessa Hudgens, star of the unnatural disaster High School Musical, and Ashley Greene, star of the female orgasmic film adaptation of Twilight. The two were both caught in photos under pretty risque circumstances...And by that I mean they were shaking their shit in front of an iPhone. Now I don't know if it was their phones or not, but, and this is the better question, even if it was theirs or not wouldn't it have crossed their minds that somehow, some way it would be leaked to the public. I can see it now: droves of obsessive High School Musical fans burning their CDs and erasing their Hudgens sung songs and the vast legions of crazed Twilight fans painfully scratching out Greene's face from their film merchandise in shame. Oh the humanity. Oh yeah and I don't know whether Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana was caught in some provocative photos but if she has been I'm not going to talk about them. Why you ask. Because that would imply that I've seen them which would implicate me in child pornography charges due to her being a minor...And nobody wants that.
Look you're all probably a little smart, so don't go parading yourselves around like this. You're celebrities now. You've signed away your privacy. YOU BELONG TO US MIND, BODY, AND ESPECIALLY SOUL!!! Sorry, that was weird. To be fair to Ashley Greene, Twilight will not be hurt by her scandalousness due to the fact that she isn't a huge star like say the mega fine Kristen Stewart. But Vanessa Hudgens is a main star of High School Musical. So in a way, and as much as I don't care, her actions are putting a stain on that oddly popular franchise. You can see what stupidity can do. And these two, they look hot but they don't look dumb. I'm sure they were aware of the Britney Spears and Paris Hilton sex tapes that brought down what small respect they had to the public and gained them infamy. If those mistakes didn't teach them a lesson than they must have just been drunk or not careful. Both Hudgens and Greene are suing whoever it is that leaked said photos. This makes them comparable to the suing college kids from Borat who sued because they were shown to be dumbasses.
It's stupid but everybody's talking about it so I thought "why not you throw your hat in the ring."
This has been a look at two class acts from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Okay just jumping straight into subject I have to ask any young, oddly enough young role models for teenage girls who are no doubt reading this blog, what are you thinking? I mean even if you're drunk I would think you'd be a little bit sensible. You are famous, everyone is watching you, many young and obviously confused girls look up to you. So is it a really good idea to let someone you may or may not know all that well take pictures of you naked? You may have trouble answering this question so I will do it for you. The answer to the question is NO YOU SHOULD NOT!!!
I am of course talking about two of our favorite young Hollywood honeys Vanessa Hudgens, star of the unnatural disaster High School Musical, and Ashley Greene, star of the female orgasmic film adaptation of Twilight. The two were both caught in photos under pretty risque circumstances...And by that I mean they were shaking their shit in front of an iPhone. Now I don't know if it was their phones or not, but, and this is the better question, even if it was theirs or not wouldn't it have crossed their minds that somehow, some way it would be leaked to the public. I can see it now: droves of obsessive High School Musical fans burning their CDs and erasing their Hudgens sung songs and the vast legions of crazed Twilight fans painfully scratching out Greene's face from their film merchandise in shame. Oh the humanity. Oh yeah and I don't know whether Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana was caught in some provocative photos but if she has been I'm not going to talk about them. Why you ask. Because that would imply that I've seen them which would implicate me in child pornography charges due to her being a minor...And nobody wants that.
Look you're all probably a little smart, so don't go parading yourselves around like this. You're celebrities now. You've signed away your privacy. YOU BELONG TO US MIND, BODY, AND ESPECIALLY SOUL!!! Sorry, that was weird. To be fair to Ashley Greene, Twilight will not be hurt by her scandalousness due to the fact that she isn't a huge star like say the mega fine Kristen Stewart. But Vanessa Hudgens is a main star of High School Musical. So in a way, and as much as I don't care, her actions are putting a stain on that oddly popular franchise. You can see what stupidity can do. And these two, they look hot but they don't look dumb. I'm sure they were aware of the Britney Spears and Paris Hilton sex tapes that brought down what small respect they had to the public and gained them infamy. If those mistakes didn't teach them a lesson than they must have just been drunk or not careful. Both Hudgens and Greene are suing whoever it is that leaked said photos. This makes them comparable to the suing college kids from Borat who sued because they were shown to be dumbasses.
It's stupid but everybody's talking about it so I thought "why not you throw your hat in the ring."
This has been a look at two class acts from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Goodbye John Hughes
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller
As you may or may not know, the renowned director John Hughes died last week from a heart attack. He was 59. Of course he is not a household name among kids anymore, but in the 80s he was the shit. The one director who could correctly channel teen stories into movies. They were funny, harsh, riveting, touching and sweet. Hughes had made some of my most memorable and beloved memories. I think the same can be said by a great many other people.
He knew the material to a T. The way teens think. The different social classes that exist within a high school world. The angst and frustrations, the hopes and dreams. He obviously never forgot about it and when he had the opportunity he presented as realistic as it must have been for him. We all know rebels like John Bender, the lovable rule breakers like Ferris Bueller, the insecure maturing girls like Sam Baker, and even the whiny child masterminds like Kevin Macallister...Okay maybe not that last one but the rest we knew.
In my opinion great filmmakers don't sell out with every movie by giving the audience lame and unoriginal plots but try to convey some kind of edge to their movies. John Hughes tried to convey everyday feelings and emotions we all experience. Home Alone was advertised as a movie about a deserted kid fighting robbers by impractical means, but really it's about not taking your family for granted. Ferris Bueller's Day Off was not just a movie about a few kids ditching school and getting into some wild antics in the big city, it was about repressed people facing fears; Ferris was never repressed was afraid of nothing but Cameron was always repressed and totally feared his father. If messages like these can slip past or even overshadow the seat filler aspect of the story than I think that's the mark of a great filmmaker.
He will be missed. As a man who brought warmth and heart to great films, up and coming filmmakers will no doubt be inspired by his movies as much as any other filmmaker. His movies were not entirely about fictional stories but about life. About the points in many peoples' lives.
This has been a farewell from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for Reading.
As you may or may not know, the renowned director John Hughes died last week from a heart attack. He was 59. Of course he is not a household name among kids anymore, but in the 80s he was the shit. The one director who could correctly channel teen stories into movies. They were funny, harsh, riveting, touching and sweet. Hughes had made some of my most memorable and beloved memories. I think the same can be said by a great many other people.
He knew the material to a T. The way teens think. The different social classes that exist within a high school world. The angst and frustrations, the hopes and dreams. He obviously never forgot about it and when he had the opportunity he presented as realistic as it must have been for him. We all know rebels like John Bender, the lovable rule breakers like Ferris Bueller, the insecure maturing girls like Sam Baker, and even the whiny child masterminds like Kevin Macallister...Okay maybe not that last one but the rest we knew.
In my opinion great filmmakers don't sell out with every movie by giving the audience lame and unoriginal plots but try to convey some kind of edge to their movies. John Hughes tried to convey everyday feelings and emotions we all experience. Home Alone was advertised as a movie about a deserted kid fighting robbers by impractical means, but really it's about not taking your family for granted. Ferris Bueller's Day Off was not just a movie about a few kids ditching school and getting into some wild antics in the big city, it was about repressed people facing fears; Ferris was never repressed was afraid of nothing but Cameron was always repressed and totally feared his father. If messages like these can slip past or even overshadow the seat filler aspect of the story than I think that's the mark of a great filmmaker.
He will be missed. As a man who brought warmth and heart to great films, up and coming filmmakers will no doubt be inspired by his movies as much as any other filmmaker. His movies were not entirely about fictional stories but about life. About the points in many peoples' lives.
This has been a farewell from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for Reading.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
America: love it or hate it
"I made a mistake in selecting America as a land of freedom, a mistake I cannot repair in the balance of my lifetime." - Albert Einstien
Let's face it, America is in bad shape right now. We elected a well known screw up to the presidency after he stole the first election. The media has become obsessed with tackling anything but important issues. We have been led into war against a less than framed country. Prejudice, violence, and ignorance reigns among the masses of our people. Hope is a thing of the past for any true realist. Canada's looking pretty good right now.
We live in a time when the major political parties we are supposed to rely on are vastly flawed. The Democrats complain again and again without acting and make promises they don't have the heart to keep. The Republicans, a once great party, are fierce bullies out to ensure the future of their people and not The People. You see every day, Republicans beating down and raping the Democrats with methodical strength and tactics combined with deranged or stupid ideas that overthrow the more moralistic ideas. The funny thing is people actually believe the things that are being said and done. They are blind to logic. The ones who speak the truth are either viciously silenced or suffer a loss of spine. The government has never been a pure picture of upstandingness so I've always looked for the people to rely on. But now I can't even do that. Many of us are just acting senseless and crazy. We've become the bad radicals we bitch about every day. In a world where rationality is shelved in favor of pointless competition, I look at the future with uncertain eyes. Every day I find myself thinking changing my mind as to whether it will be better or worse.
I'm fifteen years old. I was dragged into this world of cutthroat politics and danger a little after the September 11th attacks. Many people probably were. When I first saw the news footage I was certain it had to have been an accident. I was only eight. I had no idea people were as evil as that. My world was different after that. I don't what kind of environment I will live in when I'm on my own. I don't know what war will be fought. I don't know what will be good or bad. All I know is that in the now things are looking chaotic.
In history class we are told the miraculous story of how our founding fathers stood up against their nation and fought to claim this country as a free land with fair liberties. These Sons of Liberty are what would today be called terrorists, evil evil terrorists. We are in essence a company founded on treason and terrorism. But so far, 300 years later, we have not succeeded in what they set out to do. We have fallen far to the brink.
I once had an idea, a very anarchistic idea. I believed that this country was getting so bad that the only way to make it better would be to destroy it. America must implode. There would be an unknown amount of time of mass disorder and chaos. No leaders and no law. Finally it would burn itself to the ground. And out of the ashes the little people who are left will rise up and put it back together so we could start over. Maybe all we need now is a second chance to get it right. One that wouldn't be squandered. It was just a thought.
Life has got to get better sometime. Right?
This has been a brief spew of thoughts from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Let's face it, America is in bad shape right now. We elected a well known screw up to the presidency after he stole the first election. The media has become obsessed with tackling anything but important issues. We have been led into war against a less than framed country. Prejudice, violence, and ignorance reigns among the masses of our people. Hope is a thing of the past for any true realist. Canada's looking pretty good right now.
We live in a time when the major political parties we are supposed to rely on are vastly flawed. The Democrats complain again and again without acting and make promises they don't have the heart to keep. The Republicans, a once great party, are fierce bullies out to ensure the future of their people and not The People. You see every day, Republicans beating down and raping the Democrats with methodical strength and tactics combined with deranged or stupid ideas that overthrow the more moralistic ideas. The funny thing is people actually believe the things that are being said and done. They are blind to logic. The ones who speak the truth are either viciously silenced or suffer a loss of spine. The government has never been a pure picture of upstandingness so I've always looked for the people to rely on. But now I can't even do that. Many of us are just acting senseless and crazy. We've become the bad radicals we bitch about every day. In a world where rationality is shelved in favor of pointless competition, I look at the future with uncertain eyes. Every day I find myself thinking changing my mind as to whether it will be better or worse.
I'm fifteen years old. I was dragged into this world of cutthroat politics and danger a little after the September 11th attacks. Many people probably were. When I first saw the news footage I was certain it had to have been an accident. I was only eight. I had no idea people were as evil as that. My world was different after that. I don't what kind of environment I will live in when I'm on my own. I don't know what war will be fought. I don't know what will be good or bad. All I know is that in the now things are looking chaotic.
In history class we are told the miraculous story of how our founding fathers stood up against their nation and fought to claim this country as a free land with fair liberties. These Sons of Liberty are what would today be called terrorists, evil evil terrorists. We are in essence a company founded on treason and terrorism. But so far, 300 years later, we have not succeeded in what they set out to do. We have fallen far to the brink.
I once had an idea, a very anarchistic idea. I believed that this country was getting so bad that the only way to make it better would be to destroy it. America must implode. There would be an unknown amount of time of mass disorder and chaos. No leaders and no law. Finally it would burn itself to the ground. And out of the ashes the little people who are left will rise up and put it back together so we could start over. Maybe all we need now is a second chance to get it right. One that wouldn't be squandered. It was just a thought.
Life has got to get better sometime. Right?
This has been a brief spew of thoughts from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Don't Remakes Blow?
"In general, pride is at the bottom of all mistakes." - John Ruskin
I don't absolutely hate remakes of past films. Everybody loves Reservoir Dogs, which is widely considered to be a remake of Stanley Kubrick's The Killing. And the remake of Hitchcock's Rear Window, Disturbia, that wasn't such a bad film. Usually though, it's the remakes of horror movies. Some of the scariest movies of all time are being remade for some quick cash at the cost of good acting, writing, and sometimes directing.
The man behind most of these remakes is Hollywood staple Michael Bay, the director behind some of the most action packed, explosive, slow motioned movies in recent years. Michael Bay is a lot like Steven Speilberg when producing, the only difference being that Spielberg produces okay films while Bay produces really shit remakes. I think the first was a remake of the backwoods drive in movie The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Now I kind of liked this one because it had a spacier atmosphere, characters I cared more about, over the top sadistic villains, and R. Lee Ermey. This movie had a good director and a good writer to boot. It seemed to have everything the original didn't, though the original is better from a professional point of view. This was followed by a sequel that was less satisfying but passable nonetheless.
After TCM, there was the remake of an eerie haunted house film The Amityville Horror. This movie totally ignored the prospect of the film being based on an actual event and just made it a hollywood film. And sure it has a budget and stars who can act but all and all it is turned into a very cheesy and less than scary movie.
Next they remade a favorite horror thriller of mine, The Hitcher. Though good casting choices were made with Sean Bean replacing Rutger Hauer (they are both menacing but Rutger is just scarier) and the ever sexy Sophia Bush portraying the now female hero, I did not wish to see it because I just didn't want to see the same movie. Maybe it was scary. Doubtful.
Then there is what may possibly be the thirteenth Friday the 13th movie, though this one is a remake. I was pretty pissed to find Jason as the killer in this movie instead of his mother Pamela, you know back when the plot made sense. Under these terms and the fact that I had grown weary of another Jason movie not involving Freddy, Michael Myers, Leatherface, Pinhead, or Ash Williams I did not see the movie. What would I have seen anyway: horny teenagers go down to Camp Crystal Lake to smoke pot, get drunk and have sex and Jason comes out and slaughters them? Now there's something new! Is he gonna get outsmarted and 'killed' by the last guy and girl? Is he gonna show some sign that he's alive at the exact moment the movie ends? Nah, maybe after a 25 year series of nothing but that they've learned their lesson.
And if Michael Bay still hasn't gotten it through his head that these films are ruining modern day horror fans' senses of classic fear, he's currently remaking A Nightmare on Elm Street and The Birds. Fuck you, hollywood!
Oh but there have been other remakes in the past like Psycho, an almost shot for shot remake of the 60s classic thriller. I've unfortunately only seen the ending of the original Pyscho so I can't really compare but I suppose the remake is good. Vince Vaughn plays a great creep. And this movie was directed by Academy Award nominated director Gus Van Sant. If you want to see it go ahead but still you should probably see the original first.
Then the movie largely inspired by Psycho, Halloween, was remade by musician and horror director Rob Zombie. I was excited when I found that it was going to be a prequel as well as a remake and I was also impressed with Zombie's previous film The Devil's Rejects so I gave the Halloween remake a shot. That shot was wasted unfortunately. While well directed and at times well written, the movie supplied me with nothing more. I think the problem was Zombie trying to put his stamp on the prequel story, which didn't seem like the Michael Myers story I was wanting to see. On top of that most of the acting sucked and the remake half of the movie was a bit bland and stupid. Now Zombie is making the sequel, but I'm again intrigued: partly because Zombie has said he is free to create his own world and do what he wants with the story (though he pretty much did this to the other one) and also because he always sounds like he knows exacly what he's doing, like he won't let us down. I just hope the charismatic bastard doesn't sucker me into to watching this one too.
But I think my favorite remake of all time, would be one of a movie I have not seen, The Thing From Another World. John Carpenter, the original Halloween director, remade this film in his vision as The Thing. And a fine film it is. Remake artists can learn a valuable lesson from this movie: if you are going to remake something, add something new to the material. Give it more interesting characters, add amazing special effects instead of a tin foil man, or blow shit up. Give it something that wasn't there before to make us feel like we aren't watching the same movie. That's what Carpenter did and his movie is great.
I think my main problem with remakes though is that they lead people, who have not seen the originals, into thinking something that is less scary is actually more terrifying. The remakes of Halloween, Amityville Horror, and probably even Friday the 13th are not as scary as the originals, they are jam packed with everything that would've ruined those good movies in the first place. I think if a remake is to be shown in theatres the original movie should also be shown before it. I don't know. I just pray that these remakes will end very soon and we can get back to original ideas. Seriously, all Hollywood is doing is stalling so they can get new ideas. And I for one find that to be bullshit. Just swallow your pride and say you need help!
This has been a poorly structered complaint from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
I don't absolutely hate remakes of past films. Everybody loves Reservoir Dogs, which is widely considered to be a remake of Stanley Kubrick's The Killing. And the remake of Hitchcock's Rear Window, Disturbia, that wasn't such a bad film. Usually though, it's the remakes of horror movies. Some of the scariest movies of all time are being remade for some quick cash at the cost of good acting, writing, and sometimes directing.
The man behind most of these remakes is Hollywood staple Michael Bay, the director behind some of the most action packed, explosive, slow motioned movies in recent years. Michael Bay is a lot like Steven Speilberg when producing, the only difference being that Spielberg produces okay films while Bay produces really shit remakes. I think the first was a remake of the backwoods drive in movie The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Now I kind of liked this one because it had a spacier atmosphere, characters I cared more about, over the top sadistic villains, and R. Lee Ermey. This movie had a good director and a good writer to boot. It seemed to have everything the original didn't, though the original is better from a professional point of view. This was followed by a sequel that was less satisfying but passable nonetheless.
After TCM, there was the remake of an eerie haunted house film The Amityville Horror. This movie totally ignored the prospect of the film being based on an actual event and just made it a hollywood film. And sure it has a budget and stars who can act but all and all it is turned into a very cheesy and less than scary movie.
Next they remade a favorite horror thriller of mine, The Hitcher. Though good casting choices were made with Sean Bean replacing Rutger Hauer (they are both menacing but Rutger is just scarier) and the ever sexy Sophia Bush portraying the now female hero, I did not wish to see it because I just didn't want to see the same movie. Maybe it was scary. Doubtful.
Then there is what may possibly be the thirteenth Friday the 13th movie, though this one is a remake. I was pretty pissed to find Jason as the killer in this movie instead of his mother Pamela, you know back when the plot made sense. Under these terms and the fact that I had grown weary of another Jason movie not involving Freddy, Michael Myers, Leatherface, Pinhead, or Ash Williams I did not see the movie. What would I have seen anyway: horny teenagers go down to Camp Crystal Lake to smoke pot, get drunk and have sex and Jason comes out and slaughters them? Now there's something new! Is he gonna get outsmarted and 'killed' by the last guy and girl? Is he gonna show some sign that he's alive at the exact moment the movie ends? Nah, maybe after a 25 year series of nothing but that they've learned their lesson.
And if Michael Bay still hasn't gotten it through his head that these films are ruining modern day horror fans' senses of classic fear, he's currently remaking A Nightmare on Elm Street and The Birds. Fuck you, hollywood!
Oh but there have been other remakes in the past like Psycho, an almost shot for shot remake of the 60s classic thriller. I've unfortunately only seen the ending of the original Pyscho so I can't really compare but I suppose the remake is good. Vince Vaughn plays a great creep. And this movie was directed by Academy Award nominated director Gus Van Sant. If you want to see it go ahead but still you should probably see the original first.
Then the movie largely inspired by Psycho, Halloween, was remade by musician and horror director Rob Zombie. I was excited when I found that it was going to be a prequel as well as a remake and I was also impressed with Zombie's previous film The Devil's Rejects so I gave the Halloween remake a shot. That shot was wasted unfortunately. While well directed and at times well written, the movie supplied me with nothing more. I think the problem was Zombie trying to put his stamp on the prequel story, which didn't seem like the Michael Myers story I was wanting to see. On top of that most of the acting sucked and the remake half of the movie was a bit bland and stupid. Now Zombie is making the sequel, but I'm again intrigued: partly because Zombie has said he is free to create his own world and do what he wants with the story (though he pretty much did this to the other one) and also because he always sounds like he knows exacly what he's doing, like he won't let us down. I just hope the charismatic bastard doesn't sucker me into to watching this one too.
But I think my favorite remake of all time, would be one of a movie I have not seen, The Thing From Another World. John Carpenter, the original Halloween director, remade this film in his vision as The Thing. And a fine film it is. Remake artists can learn a valuable lesson from this movie: if you are going to remake something, add something new to the material. Give it more interesting characters, add amazing special effects instead of a tin foil man, or blow shit up. Give it something that wasn't there before to make us feel like we aren't watching the same movie. That's what Carpenter did and his movie is great.
I think my main problem with remakes though is that they lead people, who have not seen the originals, into thinking something that is less scary is actually more terrifying. The remakes of Halloween, Amityville Horror, and probably even Friday the 13th are not as scary as the originals, they are jam packed with everything that would've ruined those good movies in the first place. I think if a remake is to be shown in theatres the original movie should also be shown before it. I don't know. I just pray that these remakes will end very soon and we can get back to original ideas. Seriously, all Hollywood is doing is stalling so they can get new ideas. And I for one find that to be bullshit. Just swallow your pride and say you need help!
This has been a poorly structered complaint from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
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