My Top Ten Evil Henchmen

In movies everyone remembers the villains because the attention is more or less focused on them and the heroes. But a truly diabolical villain always has help. These are the minions who do their bidding. Some of these guys have left an impression on me in my cinematic experiences. Be it an army or one loyal scumbag, this is my top ten evil henchmen.

10. The Foot Ninjas from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

"Attack!"

This is pretty cheesy but, in the live action movie, the Foot Clan had a weird look to them, were particularly brutal, and great in numbers. These guys started out mostly as teenage gangsters who were recruited by Shredder to become ninja warriors. And if that wasn't enough they also fight wise cracking humanoid turtles. They have no real arc except that they are confused and impressionable kids fighting implausible enemies. But still they are on here just because the fights between them and the turtles stuck with me.

9. Oddjob from 007: Goldfinger

"..."

The criminal mastermind Goldfinger entrusted his manservant/assassin Oddjob with James Bond's destruction. Why? Because Oddjob is a master killer. Besides being a brooding silent hulk, he has a hat that can cut off heads. He almost succeeds in killing Bond before being taken down by high voltage electricity. Every other Bond villain's henchman is peculiar and leaves an impression but Oddjob moreso because he was one of the first.

8. The Flying Monkeys from The Wizard of Oz

"FLY! FLY! FLY!"

Yeah, what are regarded as the scariest furry sons of bitches ever put on screen. The flying monkeys are on here for that very reason. I never thought they were scary as much as they were weird. I mean how often do you see winged monkeys in red suits flying down and attacking you. It's like the protagonist took acid and this is whath the bad guys looked like. They are just crazy little bastards. The fear factor still exists today if I'm not mistaken.

7. The Orcs from The Lord of the Rings

"FIND THE HALFLING"

The demons of Middle Earth are made to look as evil as possible and creep us out. It's bad because there is a huge army of them and I wouldn't want to go up against even one. They do the bidding of Suaron and his lieutenant Saruman (who isn't on here because he is a primary villain in my opinion). One orc never just shows up, there are hundreds, maybe thousands altogether. They are vulgur and vicious and a warrior's worst nightmare.

6. Alex's Droogs from A Clockwork Orange

"Yarbols! Great bolshy yarblockos to you!"

Though you can't get more monstrous than Alex, his droogs leave an impression on you themselves. Georgie, Pete and Dim follow his lead reluctantly and enjoy committing insane ultra violence as much as he does but strive to get back at him for what they consider to be cruel and unusual punishment. They do finally get out of line and betray Alex. And later on they are revealed to have become corrupt police officers which is probably one of the most amazing things in this movie. These guys are crazy little bastards and this list wouldn't be complete without them.

5. The Others from Lost

"We're the good guys."

It is kind of unfair to put the Others on this list, because I honestly don't know whether or not they are good or bad. I don't even know where they came from originally yet. Some of them are fair and good but many seem to be willing to do ruthless unorthodox things so I guess I'm mentioning those specific Others. Ethan Rom first of all, he begins as a spy but goes out of his way to capture the pregnant castaway Claire for experimentation I guess (this doesn't go so well). Or Danny Pickett, a brutal bastard who loses his mind after his wife dies. Or Mikhail, the amoral Russian Other who is willing to follow any order and kills viciously. Then finally their de facto leader Ben Linus, who is somewhere around the anti-hero label. The things he does he believes are right but is not above doing wrong: he is responsible for over fifty murders and god knows what else. The Others are still clouded in mystery and their real motives will be explained soon enough I hope.

4. Project Mayham's Space Monkeys from Fight Club

"Do not fuck with us."

I'm sure there is a point in any person's life where they have to look back and ask themselves how they got to the point they are currently at. The members of Project Mayham would have a good laugh. These are average everyday working men who find some guy fighting his imaginary friend. For kicks I suppose, they decide to fight too. This somehow leads to a revolutionary counter culture movement against the system. Going postal on a larger scale. The Space Monkeys are anarchists and terrorists and slaves to their master, the one who started it all. Tyler Durden. Tyler Durden is of course the imaginary friend of said "some guy" who influences and subconciously leads Project Mayham. By the end of the movie, these guys have won and will no doubt continue further. I'm not being paranoid when I say these guys are everywhere because they are everywhere. They are the neighbors, the mailmen, the cops, everyone. Order is no longer safe.

3. The Agents from The Matrix

"Only human."

These are programs designed to keep order within the artifical world that is the matrix. They are dressed like standard stoic g-men who are made with almost zero personality and only designated objectives (with one exception). They look fairly predictable at first, but you will think again after seeing their moves. If they aren't hammering holes in your chest with a desert eagle, the Agents will take you down with a mastery of martial arts, superhuman speed and strength, and the power to escape death. They dodge bullets, punch through concrete, and overwrite the bodies of those still plugged in. This is why they are on this list, though they do have the potentional to go beyond even these abilities and their natural programming.

2. Stormtroopers from Star Wars

"Stop that ship, blast em!"

The stormtroopers originally began as clone warriors made to protect the innocent and help the good guys but their basic functions order them to betray these virtues and serve in the Galactic Empire. These are pretty standard soldier henchmen but they of course left an impression just like everything else in Star Wars. The stormtroopers are trained killers that will do as they are told till the end.

1. The Ring Wraiths from the Lord of The Rings

"SHIRE...BAGGINS..."

These are the mother of all evil minions. Former human kings transformed by the rings and the darkness of their hearts. They exist as the slave warriors of Sauron. Clothed in black cloaks, you never see their faces. They mostly speak in the unholiest shrieks imaginable. Although they carry the high fear factor, the Ring Wraiths are always pretty easy to kill. They go down if you hit them with fire, they go down if you hit them with water and as far as I know swords can do them in just as well. I'd say probably the strongest is the Nasgul. He looks cooler, sounds cooler, and I guess is chosen as Suaron's hand in the last battle. Though the way he dies is just classic. So the Ring Wraiths win as my all time favorite evil henchmen.

This has been another list of badness from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.