My Top Ten Movie Scares

"You must make a friend horror. Horror and absolute terror...Are friends. If they are not...Than they are enemies to be feared." - Colonel Kurtz

As you may have noticed my last few blog posts have been about particularly spooky things such as Silent Hill, scary movies, the Saw series and Rush Limbaugh of course. This is because we are approaching one of my favorite nights of the year, Halloween. I love this night, well I actually love its meaning. It is the one time in the year where mankind is allowed to celebrate evil and darkness. If God is real he was probably one day just like "Okay fuck it, they're gonna do it anyway. Maybe if I give them just one night to blow off steam and let it all out that'll be the end of it." Yeah many of us were still evil after the first Halloween, but all of us thought it was fun. So to continue this cycle of fear, I will divulge some of the scariest scares I've seen in movies. So now, in honor of Samhain and Halloween Night, this is my top ten movie scares.


SPOILER WARNING


10. The pawn shop basement scene from Pulp Fiction

"Bring out The Gimp."

This is kind of cheating I know, because a lot people find this scene to be hilarious. So do I, but that's just it. Some of the funniest things seem really disturbing, and this scene is one of the most disturbing scenes that seems really funny. In a film that caught a lot of people off guard with it's plot points, this one probably did it the best. It comes out of nowhere! Okay, so a boxer cheats a gangster out of a deal they made and somehow the two see each other on the street. They get into a huge destructive fight in the middle of Los Angeles and eventually the two wind up at each other's throats in some random pawn shop. Just as one is about to kill the other, the hillbilly pawn shop owner Maynard pulls a shotgun and knocks them both out. When they wake up they are in the basement, bound to chairs and ball gagged. A security guard and friend of Maynard's named Zed shows up. That's when they bring out The Gimp: a man turned gitty human slave covered head to toe in bondage leather who lives in a box in the floor. After a game of enie meanie minie moe, the gangster is taken in the back room and raped by Zed and Maynard while the boxer is left with The Gimp. Most of my readers probably know how they get out of this predictament, so I'll just say it's even stranger. So yeah, this scene is darkly humourous but also just a totally horrifying thought and situation. It's the worst case of bad luck in the history of fictional stories.

9. The death of Frank from Hellraiser

"Jeeesuuus wept!"

If a movie goes beyond the level of gore as Hellrasier, that's where I draw the line. So to sum up this particular scene, Frank is a depraved adventurer who finds a puzzle box that is said to be the key to unimaginable pleasure. Little did Frank know, there are many different ideas of pleasure. Okay let's just say when Frank solved the puzzle, masters of agony and agents of Hell called Cenobites appear and mutilate Frank. His sister in law and lover manages to bring him back to life later by killing unsuspecting potential lovers for Frank to drain of blood and flesh. The Cenobites use Frank's indebted neice to find him again. When they do, they send chains tearing into every part of his body and once again mutilating him. After laughing bitterly at his own misfortune, The Cenobites rip Frank apart. This may be one of the goriest things I have ever seen. It's just astounding how bloody and painful it is. It hurt me it was so bad. I'm lucky to be uncertain and unconfident and bad at puzzles, so I will never be indebted to The Cenobites. Then again, I swear to God that is the easiest puzzle in the world to solve.

8. The intruder scene from The Strangers

"Because you were home."

This whole movie really gave me the creeps. That's saying something because this is a modern horror movie and most modern horror movies suck. The Strangers got back to the basics with a slasher movie. It is largely inspired by 1978's Halloween. This scene takes place right before the three attackers decide to totally invade the house. So the Liv Tyler character's boyfriend, played by Scott Speedman, goes out for a drive and leaves her alone at the house. She pretty much just hangs out bored. So after she gets off the phone with him and lights a smoke, right in the background some guy walks out from the front entrance corridor. He's tall, wears a suit and a ghost like hood over his face. All he does is stare at her and she doesn't notice him as she does the dishes. So finally after a moment of staring at her, he leaves and lets her know he's there by closing the front door loudly. It just sets the mood for the rest of the film and makes your skin crawl. People complained about how mysterious the strangers were, but this scene tells you a lot. He's there in plain sight just watching her because he wants to know how easy it is to slip in and out. The fact that someone can just walk into your house takes away your sense of security, it makes you feel vulnerable and that's what horror movies should do. The rest of this movie is scary but this scene most definitely is.

7. The room check scene from Poltergeist

"They're heeeree."

I know this is basically a jump scare but holy shit if it isn't one of the best jump scares ever. Alright ghosts are haunting this very very normal suburban house. At first it's all of these weird little things that everyone finds odd or kinda cool (chairs stacking themselves fast as light or things sliding across the floor, daughter talking to TV static), then before you know it your electrical system has tourettes, clown toys go Chucky, corpses shoot from your unfinished pool and a fucking tree tries to swallow your son. But the big thing is that the little daughter is sucked into a portal in her closet meanwhile the rest of her room turns into the center of chaos. Seriously you don't know what new freaky shit is going on in that room. The family begins to get used to all of the freaky little things and really get used to not going into the kid's room. But at one point, one pretty random point, the mom comes walking by the door with a basket of laundry. She stops and listens, listens next to the door. There doesn't seem to be any sound from inside at all. She calls her daughter's name softly. Oh my god is there hope? Could she be back? Might everything inside be...Normal? The hopeful mom, gently opens the door before the most UNHOLIEST OF UNHOLY SCREAMS HOWL FROM INSIDE AND SLAM THE DOOR SHUT BEFORE IT GETS AN INCH OPEN! Then silence again as the mom falls to her knees in tears and apologizing. It was like the ghosts were saying "Oh you have hope, you think you're gonna get her back. Well fuck you!" This scene could be seen as kind of funny, or extremely freaky, or really heartbreaking or all three like me. It's a jump scare but THE BEST jump scare.

6. The opening scene from Jaws

"Dun, dun, dun, dun, DUN DUN, DUN DUN!"

The scariest part of Jaws is at the first part where two people, a young man and a young woman chase each other out to the beach. She strips and swims into the water, meanwhile he passes out intoxicated. While she's out enjoying herself, a shark drifts uncomfortably close to her. All of a sudden we see her struggling to stay above water, her expressions going from shocked, to horrified, to frantic. She's is thrown all across the water screaming into finally her pleas for help are drowned out by the water as she goes under. And this is at the beginning of the movie. The thing everybody loves about this movie is how you almost never see the shark. In this scene you only see the girl struggling. This is all acting. We feel the bite the first time she's forced under. It's extremely intense. The most horrifying things are usually the real things.

5. Samara kills Noah from The Ring

"Seven Days!"

God this movie is the epitomie of why movies scare me. It's a goddamn bullet to every sense in your body. So after what must have been 2 hours of disturbing and surreal imagry, frightening events, ghostly occurances, one evil videotape, and one even more evil undead little girl, we are led to believe all is right and we will be left with a sweet and cozy little ending. BUT OH NO! This little dead bitch just wouldn't give up! So yeah when Aiden a.k.a. Haley Joel Osment impersonater a.k.a. creepy kid number 2 informs that all is not well and our evil little girl we thought was in the past "never sleeps". Yeah, you dropped the ball on that one Naomi Watts. Throughout the whole movie your son has been the well informed one, your son knew about this little girl, your son made contact with this little girl but you never even dreamed of getting the answers out of him. And look what it got you, look what it got the audience. ONE OF THE FREAKIEST SCENES EVER! So the secondary hero played Martin Henderson has already gone back to his normal life, oblivious of what creepy Aiden has revealed. Then his TV starts coming on and won't turn off. Eventually it starts to show the end of the cursed videotape (which up until now has just showed a well and then cut to black). But the seven days are up and, as the TV leaks water, our evil little dead girl Samara rises from the well and proceeds to walk out of the television. She shows off some freakishly insane powers and then pulls her hair back, showing Noah her grotesque face. End scene. That was the first time I have ever put my hands over my face in a movie. To describe what happened to Noah: well just imagine the expression the most innocent person in the world has while watching the 2 girls 1 cup video, now imagine that person dies with the expression still on his face. That would be about what Noah looked like afterward.

4. The first head turn scene from The Exorcist

"The sow is mine!"

Okay, every time you hear a noise from Reagan McNeil's room you know immediately it is not a good thing. This time her demonic possession comes to a head when her mother and doctors burst into the room to investigate horrific noises. They find Reagan, shifting from her brutalized personality to the cruel demon personality, violently masturbating with a crucifix. When everyone tries to intervene, furniture starts moving, knocking people down and blocking the door. After a moment, the girl's smiling head turns all the way around and talks to the mother in a voice totally unlike Reagan's. Needless to say, they didn't go into the room much after that. Except when the exorcism began. What more can I say? This scene is just fucked up. The whole movie is like this but this one just stands out the most. The only other one I think matches up is when the possessed girl is sleeping, and the maid and Father Karris find the words "HELP ME" written from inside the stomach. That's some sick shit. This movie is terrifying. This scene belongs on this list.

3. The opening scene from Scream

"I wanna know who I'm looking at."

This scary movie, written by the creator of Dawson's Creek, starts out very innocently. Drew Barrymore's character gets a call from some guy who dials the wrong number. He apologizes but tries to keep the conversation going. They talk about scary movies and maybe even a little get together. That is before she realizes he's near and watching her. Eventually a game ensues as the girl has to play a little movie trivia or else she and her boyfriend, who is tied to a chair outside, will be killed. She does well for awhile despite the pressure, before the caller disembowels her boyfriend and starts stalking her around the house. Her parents arrive just as she is stabbed to death and hung from a tree by the killer known as Ghostface. This scene is all too intense and very terrifying. The worst part is the last question he asks her: "what door am I at?" You know he's at the one closest to her but the suspense is still there. Plus they get a huge star like Drew Barrymore, the little girl from E.T. who is the image of bright and sweet (and long ago of Hollywood junkies), and you see her mentally tortured and then torn apart by a psychopath. That is one helluva way to open your scary movie. The rest of the movie has it's scares, but this just gut wrenches you from the getgo.

2. Laurie investigating the Wallace house from Halloween

"This has most definitely stopped being funny!"

Halloween is a prime example of a sleeper hit. It was a B-movie made with a smaller than small budget in the 70s as a small time action filmmaker's studio assignment. John Carpenter said he was given the hook and it was his job to get the line and sink. And oh he did. He created a movie that was the basis for every slasher film from Friday the 13th to Saw. Halloween was a movie that was designed with some of the most creative scares. Be it pinning Bob to the wall with a knife (when Michael Myers brilliantly tilts his head as if he were looking at a painting) or when he dresses up in a bedsheet and glasses and strangles Linda with a phone line (and then listens to the other line, humanly). The scariest scene for me probably comes when Laurie realizes her friends are not answering her calls and all the lights keeping going on and off across the street. She goes to see what's up and enters the darkened house. Upstairs she enters the master bedroom and finds her best friend Annie sprawled on the bed, throat slashed. The tombstone of Michael's sister sits above the bed in a ritualistic fashion. In a sequence I call the Recoil Effect, Laurie recoils against the door in shock only to have Bob's corpse fling from the ceiling at her with big dead eyes, she recoils again against the closet only to have the closet door open and reveal Linda's strangled body. Laurie runs from the room screaming and crying. In a stunning lighting technique, Michael's masked face brightens slowly in the darkness and then lunges out after her, then ensues one of the best horror movie chases ever. I like this chase because it is possible for the slow moving Michael to catch up with Laurie because she's cracked her ankle (in any other movie the walking killer would just somehow catch up with you even if you were a track star). The ending scenes in the other house are scary and thrilling too but just the horrific nature in the bedroom was too much. I mean, what the hell was Michael thinking? I honestly would've liked the movie to stand alone without a franchise. The movie ends opened but so well it didn't require a sequel. In the end you are just left with the plot that Michael has disappeared and as we pan out to every place he's been seen at we only hear his strained breathing and we are left with the thought that he is still out there. And that's a good note to end on.

1. The third night from The Blair Witch Project

"What the fuck is that?!"

Probably the scariest movie of all time for me and one of my favorites. If this movie had been presented in a standard form of cinematography, I think it would lose its effect. Shot in the documentary style, The Blair Witch Project's primary tone is realism. This movie feels very real and was advertised as if it were real. Now I could sum up every woodland scene in this movie as either extremely involving or extremely terrifying. The witch or serial killer ghost or whatever the hell is out there in the darkness gets worse every night. You have the first night events in which indistinct noises come from the distance. It sounds like people banging rocks together all over the place. Then intense daylight scenes in which the gang seems to have impossibly gone in a circle or when they find a huge section in the woods decorated with stick figures (that were probably made overnight). The most terrifying scene for me, next to the ending, is the third night in which the crew wakes up in their tent and hear noises outside. It sounds like kids whispering or laughing. Then suddenly it appears as if the "kids" are banging on the sides of the tent or trying to trample it. Scared shitless, the gang does what anyone else would do: they rush from the tent and far into the night screaming like hell. I swear I heard one of the kids calling after them. The girl Heather sees something horrifying while she's running, but everyone's too busy running to even bother trying to film it. I once saw a glare at this point that made me think it was one gigantic stick figure hanging in the trees but I don't know. All I know is in this scene you have no idea what the hell it could be but it is heart stopping. These cameras aren't designed to pick up the big Hollywood visuals, so we basically rely on the sounds. And by god there are sounds in this movie. This movie rode my emotions and my capacity of bravery to the limits. Knowing what your enemy is is a comfort as you can learn about it and find a weakness. The Blair Witch Project is, like Jaws, a movie that raises the question of just what the hell is it?

So while these may not totally be my top scares, they are certainly some of my favorite. They are the scenes that define fear for me. But don't take my word for it. This all sounds so metallic as a blog post but on the screen it puts up the chill factor. See these movies and other scary movies. It's fun to be scared, its a rush. Your Modest Guru is imploring you to get scared and get scary for this Halloween.

This has been a ghoulish top ten from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.