F-Biden

"This is a big fucking deal!" - Vice President Joe Biden

Okay my friends, I am writing this late at 12 in the morning so forgive me if this post seems a little uh...blah!!! This will be Your Modest Guru's response to Vice President Joe Biden's too audible comment to our President about the new Healthcare Reform being passed. But before we get to that, you will just have to endure the slap happy humourous exposition to come before the real point...or you can just skip to the point if you are feeling like a lazy bastard (sorry, the further I am into the day the more douchebaggish I get.) Let's go forth.

During the 2008 presidential campaign I couldn't take my eyes off of Barack Obama. Literally. My mom had the television on nonstop blaring anything that had his hope inspiring, pride restoring face on it. And not much, regarding my mom's TV viewing, has changed since his election. Obviously I am not as dedicated to political updates as my parents, and I know I should be, but still I just find the whole thing really depressing. But my topic tonight (or this morning) is not about how utterly depressing politics is or how utterly awesome our fair President is. No we are here to talk about the less popular White House newcomer of our last election. Joseph Biden. Now when Joe Biden first caught my eye I wasn't let down. True, he wasn't anywhere near as godly as Obama was made out to be, but he still had a certain charisma. He seemed like a straight shooting, good intentioned, happy guy. Also, the fact he was going up against America's most popular soccer mom (not a compliment) helped him out a helluva lot. Let me just sum up their debates for you.

Biden: Why am I qualified? I have practiced law and worked as a successful lawyer for years. In 1972 I was the first elected to Senate. I've been chairman in the Senate Judiciary Committee and Foreign Relations Committee. I have advocated US Military aid in the Bosnian War. I have helped create the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act and Violence Against Women Act. I have been involved in politics for over thirty years. That is why I am qualified to be your next vice president.

Palin: (reads hand note)... I can see Russia from my house!

Yeeeah, I'm going with Biden! But after getting into office with Barry O'Bama, Biden showed that while he wasn't nearly as idiotic as Palin, he had his not so bright moments. Sometimes he would incidentally talk about information that may or may not be sensitive to the infrastructure of our nation. What I most remember is him telling reporters on TV almost exactly where he and his family would hide if there was a terrorist attack...Joe what were ya thinking? "Yes, if there are any terrorists out there I just want you to know my family and I will be hiding out in our secret bunker just outside of Washington D.C., Virginia! We will be guarded by two trainee guards with a short supply of ammunition! The door to the bunker will be unlocked! So yeah, you have no chance of finding us!" = reenactment. Not as smart as I thought you were. I mean, really, I hate Dick Cheney like I hate AIDS, but Cheney was smart enough to keep secrets...mostly because his secrets were no doubt diabolical and horrifying but come on.

But we come to our point at last. As you all know, Healthcare Reform was just passed in America and this is a sure victory for the guys in the White House and hopefully a victory for America. After Joe Biden got done presenting Barack Obama to the podium, he shook his hand and joyfully said in his ear "this is a big fucking deal." Amazing how we heard this probably three feet away from the microphone and over the sound of a cheering crowd. That is strange, could this be some kind of new smear campaign. Well for now, all we are left to know is that Biden did in fact say this and people are in an outrage. Why? Mainly because they don't want to talk about the real issues and are using this as just another distraction or because they just like to bitch. I don't see the big deal. Biden said this because he was happy over the success of his team. I remember when Cheney was reported to have dropped the so called "F Bomb", but when he said it was in a violent or insulting way. This Biden thing really isn't that big a deal. I know writing this is just making it an even bigger deal in some small way, but it is not, as Biden himself would put it, "a big fucking deal." I mean, I remember when Barack Obama himself was caught cursing: he called Kanye West "a jackass" after the Taylor Swift thing, everyone thought it was funny as hell. I thought it was badass, if anything Barack Obama and Joe Biden cursing in the context they do so in earns them a lot more respect from me. And they both did it when they themselves felt certain that the public's overly sensitive ears wouldn't hear them. Oh and I know we are supposed to expect these two, our countries captain and first mate, to be totally noble and full of grace, but, lest we forget, these are grown men. They can curse like sailors and in this century it wouldn't be any big deal. Half of the goddamn kids in this country have a poorer handle on language than these two. Look at me, I'm a kid and cursing like I'm in a fucking Quentin Tarantino movie. It doesn't matter! Ya know what does matter? Haiti, the wars that seem to be boiling over to a new country every day, hunger, poverty, violence, the weather. For those of you so interested in this or even offended by this, look around you!

On a final note about Joe Biden, I'd just like to say that I still think he is a good vice president so far despite his flaws and absent mindedness from time to time. For anyone who thinks he is a bad Vice President I will hear your arguement if you have it, but I would also like to redirect your attention to Biden's former competition (She who shall not be elected) and his predecessor (Cheney). Maybe Biden doesn't have the balls that Cheney has, but need we be reminded that Dick Cheney is a homicidal maniac. Seriously just look at him, hell, just listen to him. Every time he opens his mouth I get the feeling that he's holding back insane laughter. He's like a strange hybrid of G. Gordon Liddy, Dr. Doom, and Emperor Palpatine. The man is just evil, all I heard out of him throughout the Bush-Cheney Campaign was in a nutshell preaching to the macho men and NRA members of America: "DESTROY THEM ALL!!! KILL KILL KILL!!!" Seriously, pyscho. Biden my hat is off to you and thank you you swell bastard for replacing this monster because to me it is a big fucking deal.

This has been a big fu-- I mean an uncensored rant from Your Modest Guru and many more to come. Thanks for reading.