Johnny Depp is probably one of the best and coolest actors of this generation. I love almost everything he's in. Even if the movie's bad, Johnny's still awesome. Why is he awesome. He's just a real character. Not a character actor, mind you. But a character. I don't really know how to describe it. Well he started out on the TV show 21 Jump Street where he became a teen idol. He, like Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt, didn't like this status. So he began starring as strange characters in films that were off the beaten path. Of course he has gone mainstream many times and played normal characters mixed with that Depp charm. But still, being an actor whose performances have been so memorable, so freaky, so brutally disgustingly honest, I am forced to summarize many of Depp's roles with one or more lines in this latest issue of Sum Ups (also I am only summing the films I've seen).
BEGIN!!!
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984):
"Remember me, I'm from 21 Jump StrAAHHH GOD MY BED'S EATING ME!!!"
PLATOON (1986):
"Yes, I'm another great but undiscovered actor cast in this movie. Remember me, I'm from 21 Jump Street and A Nightmare on Elm StrAAHH OH GOD I GOT SHOT!!! AND SO DID WILLEM DAFOE AND FOREST WHITAKER!!! WHY!!!
EDWARD SCISSORHANDS (1990):
Slice! "We're not sheeps..." Dice!
FREDDY'S DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE (1991):
"Amazing, I was able to get killed by Freddy Kruger twice. I don't think anyone noticed though."
WHAT'S EATING GILBERT GRAPE (1993):
Sigh! "...Arnie..."
BENNY AND JOON (1993):
"Oh how I love reckless endangerment, and Joon...And Charlie Chaplin! But you! You're scared."
ED WOOD (1994):
"Take 1, action!" one take later "Cut, print, perfect! Now where's my blouse?"
NICK OF TIME (1995):
"Oh how I wish I was clever when the situation called for it."
DEAD MAN (1995):
"I'm William Blake...No I'm not the painting poet. I'm the gunslinging accountant."
DONNIE BRASCO (1997):
"Pleasure to meet you, I'm Joseph Pistone, FBI, undercover. I mean, I'm Donnie Brasco, gangster, forget about it."
FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS (1998):
"IIIII'M RAOUL DUKE!!! NOW BE QUIET PIG FUCKER, YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME!!! Oh what have we poor souls become?"
SLEEPY HOLLOW (1999):
"Ichabod Crane, Scotland Yard. And that headless, unkillable horseman who used to be Christopher Walken with freakier features is a normal killer like any other I assure you. Stand aside I shall take care of him in no ti--AH SPIDER!!!"
FROM HELL (2001):
"This may be vastly different from Alan Moore's book and I may be high on opium and thoroughly psychic, but I will find Jack The Ripper and kill him. Oh I can't, well I guess I'll just OD."
ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO (2003):
"I can't tell you whether or not I'm good or bad. All I can tell you is that a blind man kills just as good as a sighted man and that this is excellent pork...In fact it's so good that the cook must die. Excuse me for a moment."
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL (2003):
"I require a gun with one round, the rest of my effects, a ship, preferrably large and expendable and a case of rum. All of that and I should do just fine despite my clumsiness and eccentricities, savvy?"
FINDING NEVERLAND (2004):
"Befriending a local family inspired me to write Peter Pan. And that's pretty much it, savvy."
SECRET WINDOW (2004):
"I hate obsessed fans, even though I happen to be one of them. I also hate killers, even though I happen to be one of them. I probably hate Stephen King too, even though I'm one of his characters."
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY (2005):
"You thought Willy Wonka was strange before, well he was. But I'm stranger, you MUMBLER!!!"
CORPSE BRIDE (2005):
"Um, I don't know what I appreciate for this role. Um, I suppose maybe my partnership with Tim Burton and excessive pairing with his wife Helena Bonham Carter. Um, my quiet, forlorn voice patterns.Um, and of course my extremely well developed British accent that has worked in several films.
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST (2006):
"I don't quite know whom I'm to trust on this one, lads. Even one as intricate and intellectual as myself cannot quite grasp this plot. All I know is some fish want to eat me, but they can't because I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT!!! Oh wait they can. Oh bugger."
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END (2007):
"I know I've been eatin', but hey Jack's back! And if you thought I was strange before...Well I was, but now I'm slightly stranger. Why do I always end up where I started out?"
GONZO: THE LIFE AND WORK OF DR. HUNTER S. THOMPSON (2008):
"We we're friends, so I'm narrating. That's about it."
PUBLIC ENEMIES (2009):
"I'm John Dillinger and I rob banks. Yes I am in fact Johnny Depp, my face has up until now been covered in makeup. But still I rob banks and will probably get nominations."
And those have been a few impressions left on us by Johnny Depp, a great actor who always leaves his mark on a film.
This has been another issue of Sum Ups from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment