"What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more." - Haddaway
Okay I haven't seen He's Just Not That Into You 2 --uh I mean Valentine's Day, so this is not a review. It's more of my thoughts on what I think it is and what I think about Valentine's Day in general.
Now essentially what I got out of the trailer for Valentine's Day is that Ashton Kutcher and Jessica Alba are in love, Topher Grace and Anne Hathaway are in love, Hector Elizondo and Shirley Maclaine are in love, Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are in love, a couple of little kids are in love, Bradley Cooper and Julia Roberts are talking about being in love, Jennifer Garner and Jessica Biel are mad because they are not in love, Eric Dane seems to be posing for a magazine cover, George Lopez is acting like himself, and Jaime Foxx is looking back on that time he won the Best Actor Oscar. So yeah, what do we get in this movie: a lot of puppy love and a helluva lot of pretty people. I mean seriously, do only beautiful people fall in love on Valentine's Day? Or any day in movie world? Where's the normies? Sure you got Shirley MaClaine and Hector Elizondo as an elder couple but they were attractive people when they were younger and still are if you think about it.
There are reasons I will not see this movie. One is because, yes, I do think this looks like a cheaper and more friendly version of He's Just Not That Into You except this is sounding like He's Just Totally Into You and You Are Into Him and Can Be In Each Other. Man, a title longer than Don't Be a Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice in Da Hood, or Precious: Based on The Novel "Push" by Sapphire. But yeah, whereas He's Just Not That Into You was about relationships that are very complicated and some even very flawed, Valentine's Day seems to be just a Hallmark Card of a movie involving several couples from several different romantic comedies. If I was gonna have that I would have included interesting couples like the ones from Punch Drunk Love, Say Anything, (500) Days of Summer, Annie Hall, Forest Gump, and Gone With The Wind.
Gosh I'm making a lot of references here aren't I?
Even the actors aren't that inviting. Sure I like almost all of them, but they don't seem to be doing anything but being lovey dovey sweet. And hey that's fine by me, but dammit I want more than that. Couples like Grace and Hathaway, MaClaine and Elizondo, and Cooper and Roberts give me some hope but it's otherwise a loss. It's strange seeing Jennifer Garner and Jessica Biel, two girls I know can be bad asses, keep themselves in this repetitive genre of film when I think they could stretch for much more. Sorry Ashton Kutcher, not even your boyishly goofy charisma can't grip me. Director Garry Marshall, strives for everyone who is anyone to see this movie. In filmmaking terms, this is genius. He even gets the mutated offspring of both the country lover demographic and the Twihard demographic by having Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner make out. That's something weird I found in the trailers too, Taylor Swift (in what should be her breakout role into mainstream films) appears to be really off putting even from the trailers. This is very apparent where she seems to be doing some kind of bad go go dance on a football field. I'm sure she'd like to thank the Academy.
Now Garry Marshall is great romantic comedy director, he did the very lovely and graceful Pretty Woman back in the 90s and got Julia Roberts huge fame. It's almost a wonder Richard Gere didn't show up in this celebrity orgy of a Garry Marshall cast. With Marshall as director and most of the stars, Valentine's Day might not be a bad film like my sources have claimed.
But the main flaw of the movie, that segues into my other topic, is that the movie seems to be the latest huge promotion for, you guessed it: VALENTINE'S DAY. That's right I agree with the notion that Valentine's Day was originally only a huge monstrous scheme by the greeting card industry to make more money. That's right folks, Hallmark thrives on your LOVE. All of the traditions of Valentine's Day are carefully orchestrated just to get you to shop more. It's not just Hallmark or other greeting card vices, it's just about every business that survives on consumerism. You shop for candy, you shop for jewelry, you shop for some present, you shop for those shoes she wanted a few weeks ago, you shop for the watch he was staring at every time you went to the mall. You can't go wrong, one way or another you'll buy something or some things and there is an intake of the spoils to the stores downtown.
The funny thing is, they've tricked you into thinking you are buying all of these things out of love. If you thought you were doing the things you were doing out of love that would mean that you do love said person or people if you're freaky in the sack. If you have love for one another than, as the late and great John Lennon once said, that is all you need. There is no law that says you have to buy a gift for your intimate one. It probably won't satisfy them anyway. Maybe what will satisfy is something they haven't been asking for, not something with a price tag on it. Maybe a nice dinner, a long talk about the little things, sex (I'm no expert, but I think that might be a pleasing gift, unless you are terrible in bed, but we won't get into that). If you feel the need to buy something for your loved one than do it, it is the thought that counts but what also counts is the love you have to give. Give love. Oh and for those Garners and Biels out there who think you are worthless for not having some boy toy worshipping the ground you walk on or just shooting the shit with you, being alone on Valentine's Day is not such a bad thing. I mean, you could be alone on your anniversary or your Birthday, days when people should be there to love you. Being alone on Valentine's Day means as much as any other day. Now depending on the person this can be a good old fashioned joy of solitude day or it could be another down in the dumps, I'm all outta love day. It's the former for this blogger. Now to save myself from some hypocrite bashing, I'll say I am only a teenager and do not know a lot about love or care a whole lot about Valentine's Day. I feel the same way about Columbus Day, to me it is just a made up holiday with some bogus messages.
You know come to think of it, it's February 15th. Valentine's Day is over. What the hell am I writing this for?
Uh...This has been a late post from Your Modest Guru. Thanks for reading.
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